notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Bird Droppings

When I was a freshman in high school, I had a pretty long walk to school. And I added to my long walk by meeting up with some friends who did not live near me. I had to walk several blocks in the opposite direction of the school in order to join them. I could have met them closer to the school and saved myself the time and extra steps. But I really liked these friends – and I wanted the full distance of their company.

One day on this long walk, as we were walking under some trees near St. Anthony’s Church, a bird shit on my head.

This was not a slight speck of shit. No. This was a ponderous plop of poop.

I was horrified.

So were my friends. All three girls dove into their handbags to come up with as much Kleenex as possible. And they pointed me the right directions to clean it off. They did not touch it themselves, it was too disgusting.

At fifteen, I was not yet as prolific at swearing as I am today, but this occasion called for something extra, so I said, “Holy Shit – that was truly some holy shit coming right from the church and all.”

We all laughed.

We went on to school where I immediately went to the lavatory and stuck my head under the sink, drying my hair with paper towels and knowing that I looked horrible but at least I was clean.

And then I worried.

– I worried that the girls would be laughing at me forever.

– I worried that they would tell everyone and I would be ridiculed by the whole school.

– I worried that all the boys would find out and think I was creepy (I’d seen “The Birds”) and no one would ever ask me out.

– I worried that I would get some terrible disease that is carried by birdshit, and all my hair would fall out.

– I worried that the girls would think it was a bad omen and that I was unlucky and wouldn’t want me to walk with them anymore.

– I worried that if it ever happened again, the girls would be right.

– I worried that my mortification would be so permanent, I would never be able to face my girlfriends again.

– And I worried that the stupid bird KNEW something, That is was a SIGN. That I had deserved to be pooped upon. It was my fault because I was an idiot.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?

But we do this every day.

We worry about every dumb mistake, every stupid fluke accident. We worry about what people will think of us. Whether our friends really like us. How anyone could like us when we are so stupid.

So what is worse – having the bird shit in your hair or having your hair look lousy because you washed the shit out?

Just fix the birdbrained, birdshit mistakes and don’t worry about it.

Because here is what happened after my birdshit incident:

– My girlfriends only laughed that one time, and maybe once or twice more. After all, a bird shit on my head.

– My friends did not tell the whole school – because although friends might laugh at you, they don’t want anyone else laughing at you.

– Boys found me shy and gawky, but not creepy. And the boys who were shy and gawky themselves dated me once in while.

– I didn’t contract any bird disease and my hair was the same catastrophe after the birdshit catastrophe that it had always been.

– The girls may have thought I was unlucky, but they still walked to school with me, and we walked AROUND that fucking tree.

– It never happened again.

– I stayed friends with those girls. They even thought I was sort of stylish and pretty, especially without birdshit on my head.

AND

– That bird DID know something. It WAS a SIGN.

It was a sign that when shit happens to you, just clean yourself up and get on with the day.
cardinal

 

 

32 Comments

  1. I like your approach

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Donna Walsh

    Beautiful picture, is it one of yours, Nancy? I just read an article that said artists are usually good writers. Can we assume the reverse is true as well, given your talent? :o)

    Like

    • Thanks. It’s a photograph I took, with a pretty filter applied.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Roxanne Brennan

    P E R F E C T !

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Birds pooing on people so annoying but little we can do to stop them

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nope. They have the advantage on us there.

      Like

  5. YES I MUST SAY, THAT’S A BUNCH OF SHIT ! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes. That bird excelled in poop production.

      Like

  6. Very funny and wise lessons to be learned! By the way, a similar thing happened to me as a somewhat younger child, but it was during the summer, so I didn’t have to deal with the whole school thing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I so wanted to just go home. But I got through it. I didn’t die.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Pam

    Ha ha! Oh, the things we used to worry about!
    Do you remember this from childhood?

    Birdy, birdy, in the sky
    Why did you do that in my eye?
    I’m a big girl, I won’t cry.
    Gee, I’m sure glad cows don’t fly!

    Like

    • I remember something similar, and also this one:

      I wish I were a little egg up high in a big tree
      And I would make myself as bad as I could be.
      So when you’re walking underneath, I’d fall from my big tree
      And fall upon your big fat head, and splatter you with me.

      Like

    • I never heard that rhyme! I guess for me it was birdy birdy in the air – why’d you do that in my hair?

      Like

      • Pam

        Ha ha ha!

        Like

  8. I’ll go along with that Nancy.

    Like

  9. Nice article… it speaks about how conscious we are about what the society says

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, I worried more that I would be ridiculed than the actual poop in my hair.

      Liked by 2 people

  10. That happened to me once on the way to church.
    Superstition says it is good luck.
    I think it just happens to happen. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I can’t imagine who would think this is good luck. But shit happens — literally.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I’ve always heard that it is an extremely lucky event if a bird shits on your head. Either way you still have to clean up the shit ,as you have so wisely stated, and get on with your day.
    By the way, I think that’s a great friend story. The kind of thing that forges long time friendships.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Once I was having coffee with a friend in an outdoor cafe (under a tree, of course) and a bird dropped a load on me. Nothing in the restroom was adequate and I had to go home to clean up before continuing on my errands. WAY less traumatic than your encounter, but it was still incredibly gross, and I hope it never happens again! Love the filtered photo!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks… yours was just as bad because you were EATING! Yuck!

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’ve been hit by flying bird poop twice. It is definitely not a fun experience, but your description of it made me giggle.

    Your friends sounded like they were nice girls, too. Did you keep in touch with them after you graduated?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. So true! It is amazing the stuff we worry about, and we make things so much harder than they have to be with that worry. Besides, I noticed that the stuff I worry about rarely happens at all, or if it does, it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Most the the tough things that have happened to me I didn’t see coming at all! So why worry?

    Liked by 1 person

  15. What a great story!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Perfect story. Perfect ending. Perfect clean up!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. People worry too much on every small thing that could go wrong instead of everything that could go right

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Ava McIntosh

    as a freshman, this is beyond accurate. thank you ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

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