notquiteold

Nancy Roman

My Husband Secures His Spot In Heaven

weddingframe

Today is my wedding anniversary.

Twenty-two years ago – (to the disbelief of my family who had given up all hope) – and to my own surprise as well – I walked down the aisle of a pretty church and married a sweet crazy person. And I am still surprised (and happy and thankful and even relieved) today that we got married and that it has worked out this well.

I have a multitude of posts that poke fun at my husband’s eccentricities. I tell myself that it is never mean-spirited – it’s just a loving sort of teasing.

And it is extremely therapeutic.

(For me.)

I’ll post one of my funny-husband posts tomorrow. But for today, here’s a poem I wrote several years ago in honor of my husband’s decency.

**

My Husband Secures His Spot In Heaven

I am greedy for warmth.
Born in February, born cold.
Cold hands cold feet
Cold heart, according to an old flame
I thought I had loved well.

Tom makes heat.
It seeps into my side of the bed
Comfort to my bones.
I am the moon poaching the light from his sun.

The phone rings.
Jeff’s wife, two doors down.
He’s fallen again
In the transfer from wheelchair to bed.

Tom dresses in the dark.
It’s a quiet street.  In the summer he has gone over in his underwear.
But tonight it’s freezing.
He puts on the clothes he has dropped by the rocker
Not so long before.
They might still be warm.
He carries his shoes as if I were asleep.
As if he believes the pretense.

Tom is squeamish.
More than most. Just words make him swoon
Should someone say surgery
Or syringe or
Sclerosis.

Jeff has bedsores and diapers.
Tom can’t look.
He picks Jeff up, carries him to bed
Tries not to look.
Thanks, says Jeff, also not looking.
No sweat, says Tom, although he is.

The sheets are fickle.
It takes only minutes to forget him.
They grow cold.
I hear Tom’s steps on the porch.
I hear the water running.
He washes.  He coughs. He washes more.

He gets back in his side of the bed.
He shivers.
Born cold
I have no warmth to spare for him.
Poor bastard, he says.
I agree.

39 Comments

  1. My husband, too, has a lot of idiosyncrasies that drive me crazy and that I occasionally blog / vent about. But it is in those moments when he’s doing something kind and unexpected (for me or for someone else) that I’m overwhelmed by my love for him and I know exactly why I married him! Congratulations on 22 years of wedding ‘bliss’.

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    • Thanks…”Bliss” is a strong word. How about “forbearance”? – on both our parts.

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      • It’s a good thing WE are so easy to live with, isn’t it. 🙂

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        • It is! But I did mean my part AND his part…

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  2. Al

    This was a sweet post and I loved that poem.

    None the less, so as not to rest on his laurels, I recommend your husband read this previous post of mine http://thecvillean.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/guys-here-at-long-last-the-secret-to-a-successful-marriage/

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  3. What a beautiful tribute. Happy anniversary!

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    • Thanks. He DID truly earn his spot all those times when he helped our disabled neighbor.

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  4. Happy anniversary! You were a beautiful couple….and still are.

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    • I was a 40-year-old bride – but still determined to wear a white gown and veil – and have my father walk me down the aisle. I was so worried about seeming foolish – but now I am so glad I had that experience.

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  5. Happy anniversary to both of you. When you have a thoughtful man for a husband, you are a lucky woman.
    The poem is heartwarming. 😉

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    • He’s very generous – (and mostly thoughtful – but he’s a man, after all, and of course has his dense moments.)
      I am proud of that poem. It expresses exactly what I wanted to say.

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  6. Happy Anniversary! loved your poem, and that he left his warm bed to help another – says tonnes.

    MJ

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    • He always hated to go. And he always went. It DOES say a lot.

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  7. Mazal Tov to you both on your anniversary.
    Margo’s comment made me think of a couple of verses from one of the songs from “The King and I”:
    “He will not always say, what you would have him say,
    But now and then he’ll say something wonderful.
    The thoughtless things he’ll do, will hurt and worry you
    Then all at once he’ll do something wonderful…..”

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    • I love that song. And it is true: Just when I am at my limit, he somehow redeems himself.

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  8. That’s an amazing poem. Reminds me of a neighbor having to come over to pick my mother up off the floor several times when she fell….
    Happy Anniversary to you both, and I’d say: yes, your hubby has secured his place in heaven.

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    • I remember before Jeff became too disabled to get around – my husband taking him grocery shopping. The wheelchair lift got stuck in midair in the parking lot – with Jeff aboard, and they both couldn’t decide whether to be hysterical with panic or with laughter. They came down on the side of laughter.

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      • Your husband is a good man.

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  9. Lovely. At the end of the day, that is what marriage is all about. Aren’t those of us so much better off that waited for a someone who, albeit with some small eccentricities, would do such a kind thing, even when it is difficult and uncomfortable. Congratulations on your anniversary as well as your excellent choice!

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    • I spent (wasted) a lot of years looking for a Bad Boy. My life turned around when I started looking for a Good Man.

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  10. Congratulations! Your poem is a real taste of the reality of life and definitely is a tribute to the man you love. We do love your tales that pick on him but we all know they are based on that love and his good nature. It is much the same with He-Who and I. If it wasn’t for him I would never have anything to write about 😉

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    • Oh our spouses certainly provide us with endless material!

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  11. Happy Anniversary!

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  12. Happy 22nd!

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  13. a hero in every sense of the word, and his fair maiden, extolling her champion, thank you

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    • He has a good heart – the most important piece of a good marriage.

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  14. Happy Anniversary and may you have many more!

    Your poem touched my heart. It paints such a vivid picture of life and love without being corny or overly sentimental. I love it!

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    • Thank you. I have only just started to share my poetry a little bit. I am happy that you like it.

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  15. Happy anniversary!

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  16. I love that you can be real about your marriage without having to sugarcoat everything (or, the other extreme, having to turn him into a complete you-know-what). The part about his body warmth warming you reminds me of a story we still tell about our early life on our property (we lived in a travel trailer while we were building our house and had an outhouse without the ‘house’). By late October/early November, the toilet seat would have ice crystals on it and he would make it a point to use it first and to warm it up for me so I wouldn’t have to sit on the ice crystals. Now let them put that in a Hollywood movie as a sign of love!

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  17. Diane Turner

    Happy anniversary. Your love sounds real, without icing, and one with staying power. Congratulations, and here’s to many more.

    Like

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  1. A Helping Hand | notquiteold
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