Edward Scissorfeet
I love blogging. There is no better way to complain. It’s therapeutic.
This is the second time in six months that I found this when I went up after breakfast to make the bed:
This is the foot of the bed. On my husband’s side.
Despite the evidence, I am not married to this guy:
This is one of the monsters from “Where The Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak. I love this guy. He has no name in the book. In the children’s opera, Sendak called him Moishe, after a relative. In the movie, I understand they changed his name to Carol. Just goes to show that you don’t have to have a weird name to be scary. (I have proof in the shape of my former boss.)
But my husband is not Moishe/Carol.
Last time I looked he had only slightly abnormal feet.
What does he DO at night that results in shredded sheets?
I am sleeping right beside him. I am an excellent sleeper. But you’d think I’d wake up when the flamenco music starts.
We have a king size bed. Sheets are expensive.
When I brought my husband up to look at the bed, he said, “Do you think you can fix it?”
I’m not sure…
He may have been thinking:
Duct Tape.
Edward Scissorfeet.
- Posted in: Home ♦ Humor ♦ Marriage
- Tagged: Bedsheets, Children's literature, home, Humor, Johnny Depp, Marriage, Maurice Sendak, Sendak, Sheets, Where The Wild Things Are
notquiteold 
That’s scary – if he does that to the sheets, I’d be worried about my feet and legs if I were you….
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And I thought I was a restless sleeper …
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That is hilarious.
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I did that some sheets we had!! I think it’s from our heels being dry and rough.
I try to rotate the sheets a little more often so it doesn’t happen again. haha…
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I guess you and my hubby need some foot cream.
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Husbands are funny–espcially yours! What IS he doing in the midnight hours?? Suzanne
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If it wasn’t for the position of the shredding I’d say you slept through some wild and crazy sex. Maybe you can put a rubber sheet on his side like they do for bed-wetters.
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I think I need some kind of big pocket-protector.
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That would work!
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I’m thinking he should be investing in some mani-pedis.
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LOL – I’m glad I’m not the only one married to a guy with lethal toenails. I call my husband “Sabretoes”.
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Hilarious, well kind of. Were you able to fix the sheets?
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Yeah, I “fixed” them into cleaning rags.
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Holy cow! That is crazy! Do you want to pass around a collection plate to raise money for daily pedicures? Maybe disability insurance would cover it? 😉
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I keep telling him not to wear the spurs to bed.
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Yeah, my husband has had the same thing happen on his side of the bed. I don’t think there is much else to do but throw them. But it is good to see that I am not the only one who’s living with this! I kind of wish I had a camera to see exactly how it happens. I can’t figure it out.
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It’s comforting to know that someone else has this problem to. I cannot figure it out either.
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Does your husband read your blog??
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Ha! No! What freedom!
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I can’t imagine!
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LOL. I’d try large iron on patches. They’re thick and sturdy and just may save your sheets.
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I am laughing so hard! This is a brand new one for me. The only thing I have to worry about is my pirate husband, Cap’n Firepants’, hook…
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The first time I thought it was just a fluke…some flaw in the sheet itself. But twice? What the heck is he doing in the middle of the night?
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Apparently nothing fun!
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Just as funny as this post is your comment, “I keep telling him not to wear his spurs to bed!”
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jeesh and holy crap. that’s just weird scary. can NOT be his toenails??? he’d cut right through his socks and shoes and you’d be waking up all bloody. and now i am laughing a little. so, weird, scary, and a teensy bit funny?
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I often refer to my husband’s toenails as “warlock nails”. I swear he could take my lower leg off with one swipe. I empathize. Maybe we can invent one of those silence-of-the-lambs face masks for toes, and we can make a fortune.
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Had several good chuckles in your blogs this morning, I have double jeopardy as the dog also sleeps on the bottom of the bed, :), thanks MJ
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Well illustrated, too
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