Nancy Roman

Edward Scissorfeet

I love blogging.  There is no better way to complain. It’s therapeutic.

This is the second time in six months that I found this when I went up after breakfast to make the bed:

This is the foot of the bed. On my husband’s side.

Despite the evidence, I am not married to this guy:

This is one of the monsters from “Where The Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak.  I love this guy. He has no name in the book. In the children’s opera, Sendak called him Moishe, after a relative. In the movie, I understand they changed his name to Carol. Just goes to show that you don’t have to have a weird name to be scary. (I have proof in the shape of my former boss.)

But my husband is not Moishe/Carol.

Last time I looked he had only slightly abnormal feet.

What does he DO at night that results in shredded sheets?

I am sleeping right beside him. I am an excellent sleeper. But you’d think I’d wake up when the flamenco music starts.

We have a king size bed. Sheets are expensive.

When I brought my husband up to look at the bed, he said, “Do you think you can fix it?”

I’m not sure…

He may have been thinking:

Duct Tape.

Edward Scissorfeet.


  1. That’s scary – if he does that to the sheets, I’d be worried about my feet and legs if I were you….


  2. bigsheepcommunications

    And I thought I was a restless sleeper …


  3. That is hilarious.


  4. JWo

    I did that some sheets we had!! I think it’s from our heels being dry and rough.

    I try to rotate the sheets a little more often so it doesn’t happen again. haha…


    • I guess you and my hubby need some foot cream.


  5. Husbands are funny–espcially yours! What IS he doing in the midnight hours?? Suzanne


  6. If it wasn’t for the position of the shredding I’d say you slept through some wild and crazy sex. Maybe you can put a rubber sheet on his side like they do for bed-wetters.


  7. Michelle Gillies

    I’m thinking he should be investing in some mani-pedis.


  8. LOL – I’m glad I’m not the only one married to a guy with lethal toenails. I call my husband “Sabretoes”.


  9. Hilarious, well kind of. Were you able to fix the sheets?


    • Yeah, I “fixed” them into cleaning rags.


  10. Holy cow! That is crazy! Do you want to pass around a collection plate to raise money for daily pedicures? Maybe disability insurance would cover it? 😉


    • I keep telling him not to wear the spurs to bed.


  11. Yeah, my husband has had the same thing happen on his side of the bed. I don’t think there is much else to do but throw them. But it is good to see that I am not the only one who’s living with this! I kind of wish I had a camera to see exactly how it happens. I can’t figure it out.


    • It’s comforting to know that someone else has this problem to. I cannot figure it out either.


  12. Does your husband read your blog??


  13. goodoldgirl

    LOL. I’d try large iron on patches. They’re thick and sturdy and just may save your sheets.


  14. I am laughing so hard! This is a brand new one for me. The only thing I have to worry about is my pirate husband, Cap’n Firepants’, hook…


    • The first time I thought it was just a fluke…some flaw in the sheet itself. But twice? What the heck is he doing in the middle of the night?


  15. Just as funny as this post is your comment, “I keep telling him not to wear his spurs to bed!”


  16. jeesh and holy crap. that’s just weird scary. can NOT be his toenails??? he’d cut right through his socks and shoes and you’d be waking up all bloody. and now i am laughing a little. so, weird, scary, and a teensy bit funny?


  17. I often refer to my husband’s toenails as “warlock nails”. I swear he could take my lower leg off with one swipe. I empathize. Maybe we can invent one of those silence-of-the-lambs face masks for toes, and we can make a fortune.


  18. Had several good chuckles in your blogs this morning, I have double jeopardy as the dog also sleeps on the bottom of the bed, :), thanks MJ


  19. Well illustrated, too


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