Even I’M not THAT vain
That special time of year. Time for renewal. Time for change. Time to change to my cotton cardigans.
As I lighten my wardrobe (and this year my hair), it always becomes clear to me how very light I am.
For a person who was originally a brunette, I am extremely pale. Like the white underbelly of a fish that swims at the very bottom of the sea.
So I have to start in Spring if I am going to bare my shins come Summer.
If I had a vote (and I plan to someday), self-tanning moisturizer should be awarded a Nobel Prize. Maybe in more than one category: Science AND Psychology. It scientifically enhances MY self-esteem.
I’m already gradually building a little color on my pallid appendages. I’ve learned that gradual is the key. Because streaky orange is only marginally better than blue-white. (Although in the primitive days of self-tanners – like six years ago – I was grateful for streaky orange.)
And if there’s anything I like as much as cardigans, it’s sandals. Shoes are prison. Sandals are Toe Freedom.
So I need tan shins. Because pantyhose and sandals will ALWAYS be too old for NotQuiteOld.
Though God knows, they now make pantyhose just for sandals.
Yup, Toeless Pantyhose.
A wonderful idea, I guess. But unless your sandal hits it exactly the right place, it’s going to be pretty obvious that your toes are sticking out the ends of your socks.
Maybe it would work for peep-toe shoes. But I don’t have any peep-toe shoes. The nice thing about sandals is letting your feet spill out as much as they like. I believe in giving that special freedom to all my toes. Letting only my big toe breathe is not fair to all my other strangled little toes.
And now besides sunless tanner and toeless hose, there is yet another scientific advance in summer leg fashion.
Who in the world are these things made for?
If knee-highs are cheaters for wearing under slacks, why would you need them in the summer? If you’re wearing pants and sandals, how vain are you if you need silky smooth ankles?
But then again, if my self-tanner gets too streaky, I can always wear them with my shorts.