notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Twenty-Five Reasons

Today is my 25th wedding anniversary.

That is no small accomplishment for either of us. We are incredibly lucky that we found each other, because there is a very good likelihood that no one else would have been able to stand us.

But 25 yearrs ago, we said “I do.”  And we do. Stand each other. As a matter of fact we love each other.

Not that there aren’t a gazillion things he does that annoy the crap out of me. And a gazillion and one things that I do that annoy the crap out of him.

But it is my philosophy of marriage – and probably a good philosophy for all of life – to try to keep your focus on the good shit. Let the bad shit go – that’s my motto.

So for twenty-five years together, here’s a list of 25 things I love about marriage in general, and my husband in particular.

The last 6 are from my post on our 20th anniversary… they still hold. I’m just expanding the list:

  1. He loves animals. He loves our animals. All animals. He doesn’t mind that the squirrels eat from the birdfeeder. Lately he has discovered a new love for horses and he’s learning to ride. And has taken up the cause of horse rescue. It makes me wish that we could own a big farm and we could let all the horses and dogs and squirrels come live with us.
  2. He drives me. (And not just crazy.)  I love to get in the passenger seat and let him handle the driving and the traffic.
  3. And the parking. That man can park! I need to drive a quarter-mile to find four adjacent empty spaces in order to stop the car. He can park his truck in the dark in a snowstorm in a space the size of a bathmat. While holding a cup of coffee.
  4. He keeps his friends. He’s still friends with the little girl who lived next door 65 years ago. He’s still friends with the guys from high school. He’s friends with a sweet woman he dated over 50 years ago. He’s still friends with the kid who did chores for us a dozen years ago. And the kid’s mother too. He just went to her birthday party.
  5. He makes me eat better. For one thing, being married means that someone else sees what you eat, and I would be humiliated if he knew all the terrible crap I put in my body at ridiculous hours in ridiculous quantities when I lived alone. And on top of that, about six years ago, he had a health crisis (thankfully under control) that made him want to get even healthier, so he consulted a nutritionist. We have both lost a ton of weight, and look and feel better than we did 20 years ago.
  6. He appreciates quality. He loves fine china, and crystal and sterling silver. And he doesn’t want cheap clothes for himself – or costume jewelry for me.
  7. Speaking of jewelry – he’s generous. And to combine generosity with good taste – Wowsa!
  8. He’s kind to strangers. He helps people. It’s in his nature. He was late for dinner recently and I started to get worried, but someone in the supermarket parking lot had a dead battery. “I couldn’t just leave the idiot,” he said.
  9. And on the subject of supermarket parking lots – he actually likes to run errands. He goes to the post office, the bank, the grocery store, the pet food place, the drug store. I hate those chores. Whatever he brings home from the supermarket is terrific with me. I’ll cook it. After all, I didn’t have to buy it.
  10. Back to another #8 reference: Idiots. My husband attracts crazy people like he’s xanax or something. Every weird dude or lady or child who’s completely whacky – that’s who starts up a conversation with my hubby. Maybe you think this is not a good thing, but believe me – it makes for great stories. And for a lover of stories like me, it’s heaven.
  11. I love his family. His mother (who has passed away) was the kind of feisty strong-willed woman that I admire. She always made it plain what she wanted. And expected. I wish I could be more like that. And his brother and cousins and aunts and uncles – I loved and still love them all.
  12. My family. He likes my family. He adored, and just as important, admired my father. And he dotes on my mother. And likes my sisters and my brother and their spouses and their kids and their kids’ kids. And aunts, uncles, cousins. I have a generous helping of relatives. He’s nice to them all.
  13. He was a little reckless in his youth. I am very glad he did lots of crazy stuff before he met me. For one thing, he got it all out of his system. And then of course: Stories.
  14. He likes man stuff. I am very staunchly feminist, but I am often really glad he is a manly man. He talks to me about head gaskets and amps (whatever those are) and I just nod my head. But it’s kind of cool. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone just like me. How boring.
  15. On the other hand, he’s sensitive and sentimental. He treasures the possessions we inherited from family. He still grieves over the cat babies we’ve lost over the years. When we moved, he dug up those little caskets (which he made himself) and re-buried them in our new yard. “I couldn’t just leave them,” he said.
  16. He respects me. Not just loves me. Respects. He’s proud that I am smart and successful. He values my opinion. I can’t imagine living in a house with someone who doesn’t.
  17. He likes chocolate and ice cream. Because too much healthy eating might make us sad.
  18. We’re not inseparable. I like that he can go out with his buddies or go to the gym or the shooting range or take riding lessons. And I can go to zumba or yoga or write my book. I can have dinner with friends or take a basketweaving class. Even on vacation a few years back, he went on one leg of a tour,  and I went on another. We had lots to talk about afterwards. Having your own lives gives you lots to talk about. That’s nice.
  19. He’s loyal. I cannot even count the number of times I’ve been angry about something – work or politics or some stupid thing that won’t work. And he always – ALWAYS – takes my side. I can only try to be that loyal back. And he listens. To me go on and on about something he has no interest in. Or he pretends to listen. For a successful marriage, that’s important. (So you young people…yes, .my advice really is to pretend to listen more.)

And here’s the six from five years ago:

20. He’s a genius. (and not just because he can see how awesome I am.)  He can fix anything – furnaces, cars, computers. He can put a clasp on a bracelet and an axle on a trailer.  He can look at the innards of stuff and figure out what each gizmo should or should not be doing, and then he can get them to behave.He built our house.  It’s fabulous. And he installed a generator.  It comes on automatically when we lose power.  That was very handy a few weeks ago.  And although it doesn’t provide power to every outlet in the house, my husband made sure that there is power to the outlet where I plug in my hairdryer.

21.  He’s protective.  I’d taken care of myself for a very long time before I met him.  It’s nice to relinquish some of that.  I have a champion.  He offered to beat up a boss who was mean to me, and although I declined, I did enjoy envisioning it.

When we first got married, we lived in a quiet neighborhood.  But my husband still worried about me crossing our mostly deserted road to go to our mailbox.

“How did I ever cross the street before I met you?” I asked jokingly.
“I don’t know.  It’s a miracle you’re alive,” he answered solemnly.

22.  He likes bad music.  When we take a long car trip, he makes sure to pack all his Gene Autry CDs. If, after several hours, I politely request something more modern, he’s ready with The Beach Boys.“The Beatles ruined everything,” he often states, knowing full well that I adore The Beatles. He doesn’t want music that will change the world.  He wants a dude singing about his car. But if he’s stuck in time musically, he’s also stuck in a very appealing way.  To him, I’m still young, and pretty… and thin.

23.  He’s a very serious guy. He worries.  He’s not lighthearted. He’s never silly.  He’s a built-in challenge that sharpens my wit.  It thrills me to get him to laugh.  Of course, if I can’t, I can always turn on “World’s Dumbest.”  There’s nothing like a teenager smacking himself in the head with his own skateboard to make my husband roar.

24.  He can find common ground with anyone. While I sometimes don’t know what to say to a stranger, my husband possesses an incredible talent for making everyone comfortable.  Shy people confide in him. Sad people feel comforted. Shrewd salesmen give him a deal. He creates an immediate rapport. Getting ready for a big event one evening, I looked out the window and saw him having a friendly chat with the garbage man. One hour later he was having a friendly chat with the CEO of a television network.

25.   He married me.  This sounds like a pathetic, needy gratitude.  But hell, it’s true.  I met him when I was thirty-eight. We married when I was 40. My life up until then was full of men, each briefly, with long stretches of solitude in between.  I wasn’t unhappy being single; as a matter of fact, the older I got, the more I liked it.  But at forty, I did begin to wonder if, just maybe, I might be the teensiest bit unloveable.  But I’m not.  One crazy, but very smart, guy loves me.

wedding-pic

61 Comments

  1. wonderful

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Awww. Congratulations to you both. Great list!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. NO. 15 brought tears to my eyes. Keep him.

    Like

  4. Congrats! He had me at #1 but #15 did me in. We have those conversations, having 3 beloved cats buried here. I suppose it will depend on the time. Maybe nothing will be left to move.

    Like

    • I’m not sure there was anything left in those little boxes except the memories, but they were worth carrying with us.

      Liked by 3 people

  5. What a lovely post! Congratulations!

    Like

  6. Great list. Congratulations to you both

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Happy Anniversary!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. What a lovely list and a wonderful man you have. I loved each one, but for some reason #4 seems especially important because it’s a good indicator of someone’s character. Happy anniversary!

    Like

    • I agree, a person who keeps his friends will be worth keeping too. I appreciate that he loves and is loved.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Congratulations, 25 years is wonderful, a great list and it is good when we find the right man and stick with him even when things are not so good I think too many give up when the going gets touch

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    • That’s so true. I remember reading someone who had been married a really long time, and that person’s best advice was just to STAY. Stay through everything.

      Like

  10. Congratulations on your Silver Anniversary.
    We said ‘I do, he does, where do we sign’ 25 years ago last May.
    I was told to keep him as he was useful, best advice ever.
    Our philosophy is simple: we can have a bad day whenever we want, just not on the same day. Works for us!
    Enjoy your celebrations. 🙂

    Like

    • That’s very good advice. Sometimes when things are not so good for us, we say, “We forgot to be nice to each other.” And we try harder.

      Liked by 1 person

      • When we got married, Hubby and I became an Us. We differ in opinions and attitude on a lot of things, but then that’s what keeps life interesting! Here’s to the next 25!

        Like

  11. dragon

    Congratulations. he certainly sounds like a keeper. 🙂

    Like

  12. Christine

    Happy Anniversary. I’ve always been glad that we married men who get along so well.

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    • I see other families with relatives who dislike each other. I think we are all really lucky,

      Like

  13. Happy 25th!! Let me see: Number 15 is just off the charts. Seriously.
    He’s so much like my Motor Man (numbers 20 and 24) and, at the same time, the exact opposite (number 23).
    We are both are so blessed to have our guys, aren’t we?

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    • I have always rather hoped that he would eventually soften and be a bit more light-hearted. But he’s now 71. I don’t think it is likely.

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  14. Helen

    He sounds like a jewel! Congrats to you both!

    Like

    • A jewel in the rough, maybe. and still buried in the dirt sometimes.

      Like

  15. Pam

    What a great tribute to your husband! Now I love him, too!
    He sounds like a real-life Edward Cullen, if you’ve ever read Twilight.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Karron

      Congratulations. We just celebrated our 45th.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I haven’t read any of the Twilight books. Even if the supernatural aspects are very mild, I am extremely nightmare prone. But who knows… maybe someday.

      Like

      • Pam

        The Twilight books wouldn’t give you nightmares, Nancy. They will make you fall intensely and vicariously in love. Twilight is an epic love story that surpasses all others. I highly recommend them. From what I have learned about you, I think you would love them, too.

        Like

  16. You are on honking lucky lady! ❤ ❤ ❤ Happy anniversary x 3. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Happy Anniversary, love the catskets, I am going to tell my husband, he might build some as well.

    Like

    • It is a sad kind of joy to do it yourself.

      Like

  18. Happy silver anniversary!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Happy Anniversary to you both. 🙂 Your life is what marriage is always hoped to be.

    Like

    • I don’t want to make others think my (or anyone’s) life is perfect. But for right now, I am concentrated on the good things.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know :-). It’s admirable. People like you help make the world go around.

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  20. What a lovely acknowledgment of both of you!
    Wishing you many more Happy Anniversaries 💝💝 full of love and insight.
    XO Donna O’Klock

    Like

    • Thank you Donna! I can only hope that he can think of one or two things he might still love about me.

      Like

  21. divaforaday

    every now and then, when I feel like giving up on the institution of marriage, I shall read this and be warmed from the inside out, bless you 🙂

    Like

    • Don’t get me wrong… there are plenty of times when I feel like giving up. But sticking with it is what can make it work.

      Like

  22. Happy anniversary.
    Mazal Tov to you both!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Happy Anniversary!

    Believe it or not, my husband and I have been married 26 years at the Nov. 30th. 😀

    Like

    • We are in Connecticut, I worried there would be a snowstorm or icy roads. But it was 70 and nice in the morning. Our honeymoon was a different story. Gloomy, cold and icy rain. Good thing we were in love.

      Like

  24. Congratulations to you both, and best wishes for many, many more happy years of appreciating each other’s special qualities.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. I hope someday soon he’ll remember something he likes about me!

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  25. Happy anniversary!! Congratulations and to many more!! loved the list 🙂

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    • Thanks… any day now I may make a list of the things that I can’t stand. I will need several pages….

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  26. What a beautiful tribute to your husband! And what a beautiful couple you make 😊

    Like

    • Thanks. My niece saw this picture a few months ago and said, “How can that be you? You have dark hair!” Oh, innocence!

      Liked by 1 person

  27. remmer01

    Nancy, thanks for sharing your heartwarming list. Congratulations on 25 years!

    Like

    • Thanks. Marrying at 40, I never thought I’d see 25 years. But we just keep plowing through.

      Like

  28. I love this. I love marriage…my husband died in a car accident this summer…I’d give anything to have him here bugging the living crap out of me. I hang on to the good shit, as you say, and there was a lot of it. I pray you and he have many, many more lovely years together. You both sound like gems to me.

    Like

    • I am so sorry. I read your story a few months ago, and my heart went out to you. And yes, as much as they bug the crap out of us, we still want them by our side. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I had 37 wonderful years…some people don’t get 37 hours of what we had. I miss him, Of course, but I know how very lucky I was.😊

        Liked by 1 person

  29. You deserve all the silver you can score this anniversary!!! Not just for writing a beautiful piece (with a wonderful list — the jewelry bits and appreciation for fine things bits stand out in my mind, but only because he’s already got the kindness and loyalty bits covered), but for loving marriage and your husband so much. Congratulations, and may you enjoy many many more, my dear!!! xoxoxo

    Like

  30. Definitely a keeper! Wishing you another 25 years with another 25 reasons. Happy Anniversary!

    Like

  31. Happy Anniversary! I loved your list and everything about this post – the love rings through it 😀 MJ

    Like

  32. Somewhere I read that marriage is a book where the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
    Here’s to the next chapter(s) of your blessed book(s). cheers!

    Like

  33. Happy anniversary. Its wonderful to get to 25 years and realize you still love that person as much as ever… if not more. Congratulations.

    Like

  34. Aww, this is wonderful! I’m just getting caught up with your blog. We’re at 25 years this October. Congratulations!

    Like

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