notquiteold

Nancy Roman

The Cure

I wrote recently that I suffered from what I call Autoagnosia. I can’t tell one car from another.

This drives my husband crazy, as he feels that cars are the ultimate gift from heaven. And I am just completely ungrateful – an insult really to the auto gods.

So I’ve been trying really hard to recognize all the different makes and models.

You know how they tell you to use fun associations to help you remember names?  Yeah? Well, that doesn’t work. I never remember anyone’s name.

But I do recognize faces. (I can’t always attach a name, but at least I know that I know them. “Hi!” I say. How ARE you?” And I hope they don’t realize that I will never be able to tell my husband who I ran into.)

But- undaunted – I started looking at car faces, in the hopes that I can tell my husband who I ran into. But not literally, of course.

And it works. Cars have faces that I am starting to recognize.

Like:

Happy-Go-Lucky Car

Happy-Go-Lucky Car

Mean Old Man Car

Mean Old Man Car

Embarrassed Car

Embarrassed Car

Clown Face Car

Clown Face Car

Yodeling Car

Yodeling Car

Fish Lips Car

Fish Lips Car

Sneering Car

Trash-Talking Car

Angry Bird Car

Angry Bird Car

nostrils car

Big Nostrils Car

Shit-Eating Grin Car

Shit-Eating Grin Car

See how many cars I can name now! No more Autoagnosia.

And when my husband asks me what kind of car a friend drives, I can say.

“Oh, He drives the Slightly Stressed-Out.”

Stressed-Out Car

Except of course at night –

When I can say,

“Exactly like ours!”

headlights

31 Comments

  1. At least you gave those cars a creative label – I sort of categorize cars as little, medium, and big ones. Then there are white, black, green, blue, and red cars. I fairly reliably recognize SUVs and trucks, of course, but the rest pretty much look alike. If the license plates are creative, I sometimes recognize the car from there….
    My husband is a motorcycle fanatic and he can glance at a bike that’s speeding by and know immediately what kind it is. (of course, I can never prove otherwise). I am lucky to notice whether one or two people were on it before it flits by!
    Our old UPS driver was famous for knowing everybody’s car in the county… but he retired recently. I think I prefer to finally learn all my trees instead of focusing on cars.

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    • My husband expects me to recognize the tires too.

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  2. Oh girl…I get you, With my aging memory, remembering cars is the least of my problems…`

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    • But think of how I can impress my husband when I can tell the difference between an Embarrassed and a Fish Lips.

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  3. Lol! Made me laugh coz my husband expects me to remember computer operating systems!! He’s an IT programmer/ software engineer!

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  4. What a hoot. I think I need to get a yodeling car so I can feel like I’m back in Switzerland.

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  5. That is so weird that you “gave” all those cars faces. YEARS ago, in elementary school, there was big truck at the local farmer supply store, and the front of that truck reminded me of a rather homely boy in my class.

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    • I’ve said it before – we are definitely sisters married to brothers.

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  6. I know what that’s like. My husband and son can hear the interesting cars and recognize them. When driving in the winter, my son assesses each car around him, checking the type of tire, so he knows what that car’s behaviour will be on ice and what stopping distance is needed.

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  7. I NEVER knew one car from another ever but, I surprised EVERY-body when I almost said all the right things; the colour of the car, the reason it was there and why we avoided a collision, that made me run away as far as possible to have any accomplices in the event I did have a crashing event.
    I’m im-PRESS-ed . I have since incurred some kind of non-resident memory—please help me re-join my family. . .

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    • Okay…. I’m a little confused as to how I can help you re-join your family through vehicle recognition… but okay…

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  8. Haha this was cute– reminds me of my boyfriend and I. I can’t even tell his Honda from all the other black two door cars in a parking lot. I’ll go stand by a Nissan or a Ford and he’s just like, “Babe, no….”

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    • I have tried to enter the wrong car a time or two (or perhaps a time or two more).

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  9. I laughed throughout this post – I assign facial characteristics to cars all the time!!

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    • I knew I wasn’t alone in this… I just saw a Happy-Go-Lucky and it made me smile back.

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  10. I was raised in a car family, father and brother who were constantly rebuilding cars in the garage. My brother still buys and rebuilds muscle cars. I still don’t know most cars from one another. But, I do know some. I have one desire, a 1957 Chevy convertible, white leather interior, pink paint, pink carpet, fuzzy dice from the rear view mirror. Yeah, that is my dream car.

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    • That sounds cool. I don’t care about cars much, but I have to admit my heart does a little pitty-pat when I see a 57 T-bird convertible – especially in aqua.

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  11. I love this! I know most of the classic cars, but today’s models all look pretty much alike to me. And I’m a car nut; go figure. But I love your faces! I can’t decide which one I like best. It’s a toss-up between Happy-Go-Lucky and Mean Old Man.

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    • If you want to intimidate the other cars, go with Mean Old Man.

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  12. I used to be able to say what kind of car was driving down the road when I first started dating my hubby. My dad said he ruined me for any other man, now I can hear a ping and know exactly what is wrong with it. Great post… I now can’t tell one car from another unless I see the emblem on the car… Hubby… well, he adores and is an expert on the Trash talking cars. Showed him this post (which he wants a link to) and he laughed, said you named it well. Thanks for the laugh today. DAF

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    • And I left out Metal-Mouth and Delirious. Your Dad probably knows more.

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  13. Al

    If you just said Japanese or German, you’d be right almost every time.

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  14. You nailed those names. They looked exactly like you called them. People all over the world will start looking at cars like this once your method gets out.

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  15. This post is hilarious! I have this disease, too! Thanks for finally giving me something to call it!

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  16. hahaha, this was hilarious

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  17. LOVED this post and the topic came up again today when someone waved and I said for the hundredth time this week, “who was that” as my husband huffed and rolled his eyes…again! I love the names you came up with and never saw cars in that way before but I am looking with new eyes! Thanks for my first laugh of the day!!

    Like

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