notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Perfectly Dirty

As I’ve written before, every day helpful emails jump into my inbox, offering assistance in the most important  facets of my life. If I had to categorize them, they’d look something like this:

HELPFUL EMAILS BY TYPEemails by type

The sex emails – though plentiful – I usually ignore. I would much rather read about makeup than male enhancement.

And the emailers are not very concerned about my personal fulfillment. I suppose they figure that if I am not interested in male enhancement, I must already be personally fulfilled.

But how I love the Fashion, Hair and Makeup Emails.

And I get them by the dozen.

Secrets To A Perfect Fit, Animal Print Sweaters, A Handbag For Every Occasion, Go Bolder Eyeshadow…. And that is just today.

But I was especially excited by the following promise:

“10 Genius Do’s Perfect For Your Dirty Hair”

Yes!

I would SO much like my dirty hair to look perfect.

The truth is, my hair DOES behave better when it’s not so clean. A little bit tacky with yesterday’s goop seems to work wonders. As a matter of fact, if I have a special event, I make sure to not wash my hair.

And there’s nothing like a few days worth of hairspray to make my updo really stick.

But what about Day Four?  Or maybe even Day FIVE?

And how about the day after Zumba class? Wouldn’t it be great to have perfect hair the day after I sweat like a pig? And I could possibly have TEN genius hairdos for post-zumba sweat-head!

When I was young, I shampooed my hair every day.

Squeaky-Clean – that was my motto.

Squeaky-Useless was more like it.

My hair is very fine. And when it was shorter, I could blow-dry it in about 3.25 minutes. But now that it is significantly longer – well, it is a good thing I practice Yoga, so I can hang upside down for fifteen minutes without throwing up.

(And speaking of blow-drying, what the heck causes the accumulation of lint in my hairdryer’s tiny intake holes? Where does all that lint come from? Is the air in my house full of fuzzy particles?  Should I be wearing a surgical mask when I watch TV? And am I the only one who finds it strangely satisfying to pick out all those little lint plugs with my tweezers?)

(And while I am on the subject, my hubby had some belly-button lint the other day. But I didn’t think it would be strangely satisfying to get the tweezers.)

Anyway.

Back to the email promising me TEN genius hairdos perfect for dirty hair.

Yippee.

Until I opened the email.

ALL TEN  are . . .

modigliani

BRAIDS!

And not just any braids.

MESSY BRAIDS!

messybraids

braids

I’m certain my dirty hair can duplicate these braids with complete accuracy.

But I was concerned this Spring that couldn’t wear a cute backwards sweater at my age without looking like the onset of dementia.

Now braids at sixty-two?

I will definitely look like I ate out of too many aluminum pans.

me with braid

26 Comments

  1. And I thought I was the only one who used tweezers to pick lint out of a hair dryer.

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    • I think there are lots of us lint-pickers out there.

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    • Me too!!! Lint pickers unite! Lol!

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  2. And even I read somewhere that the silly hair dryer might blow up in your face if you didn’t meticulously pick that white fuzz from the screen. Thanks for a mid-afternoon chuckle.

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  3. Interesting expression – ate out of too many aluminum pans. I hadn’t heard that one before. That being said, I am relieved to hear that messy braids are in style. Dimples keeps asking me to braid her hair, and the only thing I can do is a messy braid.

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    • The expression is brand-new. Brand-new because I just made it up.

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  4. I thought I was the only one to pick the lint out of my blow dryer. Such tedious work, I thought. So now everybody’s doing it. I better not get behind in case the lint police come to check on me. 🙂

    The last braid is exactly how I used to do my daughter’s hair when she was younger but I can’t remember how to do it for my granddaughter. If you know, might you share?

    Another entertaining post. You always sound so perky and nowhere near 60 anything.

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  5. My once thick lovely hair is falling out. The doctor told me not to wash it more than twice a week. Sadly,mine is curly and only looks like my hair when clean.

    Love your braid… But you can wear on in back until you’re 128.

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    • I have recently discovered the joys of dry shampoo.

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  6. Yes, I’m a lint picker too. And I used to wash my hair every day. And these days, I, too, don’t wash my hair the day of a “big” event.
    Why – we’re practically twins!

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    • And we are even married to the same guy!

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  7. Such a relief! I thought I was the only one picking lint out of my blow-dryer with tweezers! Where it comes from… I don’t have a clue. But I do get some weird pleasure doing it.

    I have fine hair, too, and my hair does much better a day, two, or even three after shampooing. The messy braid, though, is a laugh. It would definitely look like I braided my hair one day and slept on it for three days straight. Not attractive on anyone over the age of 25. Okay, maybe 27. Although, I must say you may be the exception! 😉

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    • i think the messy braid looks like some wild sex has been goin’ on for quite a while. Which may add considerably to my reputation.

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  8. tweezer lint picker support group? sign me up. i am amazed too at all that lint. what the hell? i think it sucks it in. no other appliance in my home has that same annoying problem. and, i too, have heard it could cause a fire if it was not picked out. hubby recently has made me store my hair dryer in this little hair dryer bag and since i have been doing that it’s not gathered nearly the lint it did before. at 30 *ahem* i have discovered the joys of spray shampoo and i must say – i do a nike cap quite nicely with dirty hair.

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    • No hats for me. I have a head the size of a grapefruit.

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  9. Enjoyed your sense of humor in this post! Looking forward to your take on other spam e-mails – the male enhancement series might be interesting. Oh, and recently I have been getting spams from a certain Nicki who “still” wants to hook up with me…. 🙂

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    • Nicki has broken my heart. I thought she loved only me.

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  10. I am delighted that you are fulfilled so you can avoid reading the male enhancement emails. Lint picking, although not a truly rewarding activity, is something to do when contemplating messy braids. Funnnny post – as always! 🙂

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  11. This was a stitch! I am a curious lint picker too! I have fine hair and do wash it every day (mostly work days) and every day I am flat head dead head. My braid is usually a sloppy wrap on the back of my head to keep my hot flashing neck cool. So i hear you about spray day.

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  12. That is hysterical. Braids is the cure all for everything hair! For the record and at the risk of butting in on your email pie chart…Most hair dressers will tell you that for any hairdo to not wash your hair the day of. They can work much better magic on day old hair. Also, if you want to cut your drying time down to a mere fraction and save your hair damage you have to get a T3 Tourmaline Hair Dryer. Literally the best thing that has ever happened to my hair. They are expensive but I am still using the same one 15 years later. I use to have to get a new one of the cheapos every couple of months. Working in the television industry, I picked up a lot of makeup and hair care tips over the years but this one item was the best tip I ever got.

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  13. I suppose I am fortunate, keeping my hair short I do not have a blow dryer, or a comb for that matter. When I go to the islands some of the ladies want to braid my hair simply as a challenge, I laugh as I say ‘no thank you’. I loved your messy braid, it is fun I think.

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  14. Diane

    That 1st pix of the braided lady looks like Lizzie Borden!!

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  15. My hair dryer caught on fire and I threw it away and haven’t used one since… which is to say, it had never occurred to me to clean out the lint trap.

    Like

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