My 2012 Resolution Report Card
You know how they say the first step to achieving your goals is putting them down in writing?
On January 1, 2012, I published my 2012 New Year resolutions.
So how did I do?
I DID GREAT!!!!!
Here’s the original post, followed by my Report Card:
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I’M GOING BIG
Every year for the last umpteen years, I make New Year’s Resolutions.
I keep them modest, so that they are achievable. Pick up my shoes. Walk on my treadmill twice a week. Save a few dollars.
But even with very small goals, I don’t have much success.
So this year – as long as I haven’t got a prayer of keeping my New Year’s Resolutions anyway – I’m going big!
1. I’m going to run in the Boston Marathon. Why not? I’ll train by doing my 2.5 miles on the treadmill one click faster – 3.3 miles per hour instead of 3.2. If I maintain that pace, I will finish in 7.93939 hours. I figure I can slow down on the hills though. No need to go crazy. I’ll plan on 11.93939 hours. I just hope I can find a place to park the car in Boston. And that someone will give me a lift back after I finish.
2. I’m going blond. I’ve been blond before. But upkeep can be a problem with dark roots. Not any more. My roots are white anyway, so maintenance should be a breeze. So I’m going platinum. And long.
3. I’m going to wear sexy underwear. Sure, I like my big-girl cotton panties. And they’re so very comfortable. But it’s time to go to the lingerie department instead of hanes.com, and buy lacy skimpy underthings. I read that once you are over fifty, you should only wear thongs on your feet. But what the hell. I’m going to buy bright purple and wear them under my white jeans. So that you’ll know.
4. I’m going to be star. I can be a pop star with a hit record. Katy Perry did it, and she can’t sing. Or I can be a Hollywood star, with leading roles in lots of movies. Adam Sandler did it – and he can’t act. Or I can go on “Dancing With the Stars”. I’m every bit as much of a not-a-star as all the other not-a-stars who’ve been contestants thus far. And with my long platinum hair and my purple thong underwear, I’m a shoe-in for the mirrored ball trophy.
5. I’m going to wear a lot more makeup. I’ve always loved makeup, and worn quite a bit. But all my products result in a very subtle effect. Pinkish blush, nude lipstick, a touch of mascara. For 2012 – I’m heading in the Tammy Faye direction. I’m going to wear false eyelashes. With sparkles. And I’ll have the full lips I’ve always wanted, because I’ll just draw a big mouth outside the lines of my real one. Time for some drama. I’ve already started. I bought black eyeliner instead of my usual brown. Okay, I bought it by mistake, but the best changes are often accidents.
6. I’m going to be best friends with James Taylor. I’m halfway there already, because I love him very much. I just have to introduce myself and he’ll love me back. I have a very nice husband and JT has a very nice wife, so we’ll just be platonic friends. The four of us can go on vacation together. I never go on vacation, but this year we’ll all go to Tahiti. On a sailboat. James will pay.
7. I’m going to pick up my shoes.
Me 2012: Running the Boston Marathon, with blond hair, false eyelashes, lots of blush, and my purple panties peeking through. I can hardly wait.
Nancy’s 2012 Report Card:
1. The Boston Marathon. I did not run the Boston Marathon. However, I can now do a full hour of Zumba without having to sit down and put my head between my knees. And even more impressive, just this week I went shopping – in high heels. Same thing as the marathon, in my opinion. Grade B+
2. Blond. Yup. And long too (long for me, anyway). I did it and I like it.
Grade: A+
3. Sexy Underwear. Here are my sexy panties.
I bought them in August. You may say, “But Nancy, isn’t the tag still attached?” Well, to you I say, “Yes it is – But“:
a) They are still my sexy panties
b) I might wear them tomorrow
c) Skimpy panties are not necessarily all they are cracked up to be. (a little underpants humor)
Grade: A-
4. Stardom. The ratings are falling on “Dancing With The Stars.” But I now have 535 blog followers. Any minute now they will be asking for my autograph in the Blogging Hall Of Fame. Grade B++
5. More makeup. Well, duh. Eyelashes. Grade: A
Falsies.
6. Sweet Baby James. We weren’t able to coordinate our schedules to travel together yet. But James Taylor is my now my friend – my Facebook Friend. He writes to me. And he is teaching me guitar. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BqISqpMRo8. In this lesson, he is showing me how to do my nails so they will not break when I strum the strings. I KNEW we had a lot in common. Grade: B+
7. Picking up my shoes. Not Quite Yet. Grade: D-
Practicing on the toilet bowl brush. If my lessons with JT continue this well, I am definitely buying a guitar.
- Posted in: Aging ♦ Humor ♦ Writing
- Tagged: Aging, Blogging, Boston Marathon, Dancing With the Stars, guitar lessons, Humor, James Taylor, New Year, New Year's resolution, Report card
notquiteold 
I love this post! You sound like someone that could be my best friend!
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I’m delighted to be your blogging BFF.
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Very, very funny. Love the underpants humor!
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Well done, Nancy. I hope you are as good with your 2013 resolutions!
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Very impressive! You kick (sexy-panty-clad) butt! 🙂
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535 blog followers! i think very soon JT will be looking YOU up. AND you’ll have your underwear all ready (in a platonic underwear kind of way). 😀
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Oh, I rub elbows with the rich and famous all right. In this past election season, I got an email from Beyonce and a robocall from Pat Boone. I’m schmoozing with all ends of the famous spectrum.
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This is wonderful. I’m impressed by your drive & determination. Plus by your ability to rationalize your way to success is admirable. Good job.
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I have found that a low threshold for success is the key to satisfaction.
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Amen sister. I’m right there with you!
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We should all have so much resolve with our resolutions.
Tim
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Love, love love this! Your humor draws me in every time — what a great report card 🙂
Cheers to the new year!
MJ
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Good work! My resolution wasn’t a resolution per se… more a one word challenge to myself – DELIGHT. I wanted to delight in life more and more often. Sounds like you did just that. I enjoyed seeing your successes. Great fun! Thanks for sharing. 😉
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Perfect! Try to find delight in everything!
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Don’t forget you have the adoration of Hugo. I think that makes up for the James Taylor resolution, don’t you?
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Ah yes, but sometimes we need more than a torso.
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Great report card! And great humor. Can’t wait to see your 2013 resolutions. Happy, happy . . . to all.
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I think your approach to the underwear is very sensible – you have the potential to wear it but don’t have any actual discomfort – genius! Happy New Year and thanks for all the laughs in 2012 x
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Great work, Nance. I like your hair blond. It suits you better. What is on the adgenda for next year?
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I’m still contemplating 2013 resolutions. I’ve done so well, I’m thinking I should go even BIGGER.
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You kick backside! I am so impressed. I failed all my resolutions, every last one of them.
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Certainly you can find a way to turn them into successes – you see how easily I gave myself credit for mine.
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I only had one resolution last year. I adore all of yours. However, I did achieve mine: finished thesis and graduated … now what do I do? I need another resolution. Sexy underwear … that should be achievable … LOL. Looking forward to your 2013 … and everyone else’s. Cheers!
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Thesis… wow. But don’t resolve to pick up your shoes. It’s way too hard.
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I don’t remember making any resolutions last year I very rarely do but this year I have already begun my resolution to get back to writing in 2013.which has brought about my new blog (after not blogging for well over a year) http://ladyinredagain.wordpress.com
I really enjoyed reading this post and also the post about the Christmas presents ……I couldn’t be seen out in public in leggings either.
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What the hell…. I’m going for it. Leggings in public – here I come!
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Well done, Nancy, and humorous as always. Happy New Year.
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It’s a grad A+++ Report Card and I can’t wait to see your big resolutions and the results at the end of THIS year. 🙂 I love your blog and how it makes me laugh out loud!
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Your blog gets an A+, for sure. Thanks for getting my new year off to a laughing start.
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