Nancy Roman


Too Much Togetherness = Too Much Information

Several years ago, we built our dream home.

Many people warned me that building a house is a dangerous test of a marriage.  But to my delight (and surprise) my husband and I turned out to be terrific team.  Together we bought a beautiful piece of property and designed the house (with significant help from an architect; we’re not insane).  My husband served as General Contractor, and he knows so much about everything that I was often overwhelmed with awe  I served as Director of Taste.  I also carried lots of stuff.

And our dream house got built.  Miracle house, really.  Especially when you consider that after five years of building it, it got struck by lightning ten days before we were to move in.  But that’s for another story, when I can see the humor in it.  Check back in twelve years.

In the planning process, we attended lots of open-houses  in ritzy neighborhoods. I had a camera in my purse, and we stole plenty of great ideas.  We have parquet floors, a chandelier that descends on a motor for dusting, a double staircase, and a stove big enough to feed the Duggars.

And we also have a fancy master bath.  It has all the great stuff we saw in all the master baths in all those snooty houses.  And now I see the major flaw. Two flaws really.  Two sinks.

I thought that his-and-hers sinks would simply mean that he would have his side, and I would have mine.  But my husband thinks it means that we can use the bathroom together. I don’t want to brush my teeth with my husband.  I want to brush my teeth by myself.  I want to do everything in the bathroom by myself.

Bathroom sights are not pretty.  And bathroom sounds are worse. I don’t want to hear him hocking up his morning phlegm.  That’s just gross.  It’s not that I never have phlegm myself; but I don’t wish to share it.  And besides, I have very feminine phlegm.

What I also don’t want to share is my mirror time.  I spend a lot of time with my makeup mirror. And it’s not that I don’t look adorable putting on my mascara.  I don’t want my husband to see that I really only use seven products out of all the stuff that I have on multiple shelves.  If he sees how much stuff I don’t use, he may think I don’t need it, and he may ask if he could maybe have part of a shelf for his deodorant or something.  And, well…no.  He can’t.

And while I am on the subject of bathroom design flaws, here’s another:  the “toilet room”.

Just because the toilet has its own little door does not mean you can use it while I am getting ready for bed. And even though it has its own exhaust switch, that doesn’t mean it has become a soundproof chamber. You aren’t covering up any sounds, just creating another one that I call “Defecation with Fan.”

Don’t get me wrong.  I deeply love my husband and I love being married.  I just want to be single in the bathroom.


  1. Love the Defecation with Fan phrase. You are right. EVERYONE knows what you are doing in there. And if you don’t want to share—don’t! Does your bathroom have a lock or is it the open air plan???? I totally understand what you are saying—believe me–some things should be kept private! 🙂


  2. So true! I would love a separate bathroom, just for me. I’d also like a kitchen that would be mine, alone. Oh, well.


    • I am with you on the kitchen too. My husband and I used to enjoy cooking together. When did that change?


  3. My neighbor put in his and hers bathrooms with the rooms on opposite sides of the bedroom. It is her favorite element of her house.


    • I would SO do that if I could go back in time!


  4. Gosh. Thanks for pointing that out before we remodel our bathroom! Not that we are going to do that anytime soon. But good to know!


  5. pharphelonus

    Totally understandable. We don’t have such a fancy bathroom, and so I get to use one by myself – elsewhere in the house. LOL


  6. Although I’d never thought of a his and hers bathroom, I now see how truly wonderful that would be. I think you have hit on the new trend in bathroom designs……call HGTV.


  7. Chuckles! I understand you completely! I wish my husband would turn on the defecation fan! BTW – it has become my new favorite phrase to use 😉


  8. I had that bathroom. We used it singly. I had my sink and he had his, and they were both mine to clean.

    We’re in a tiny condo now, sharing one small bathroom. It took me 60 years to realize we need 2 separate bathrooms, size does not matter. Someday?


  9. bigsheepcommunications

    The sights, the sounds, the smells – it should be illegal for two people to occupy the same bathroom space simultaneously, unless one of those people is a small child.


    • Ditto this in triplicate – I don’t even want to be on the same floor of the house!


  10. I’m in total agreement: ‘single in the bathroom’. What goes on in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom. Is privacy another loss, unintended by marriage, to go by the wayside?

    Loved your post.


  11. This MAY be considered as TMI too but, when I met my current partner I was DELIGHTED to find he did not pass wind in front of people…..he finds it most distasteful. Having previously lived with a man who thought it was great fun to hold me under the duvet to inhale the results of his expirations, this was an extremely positive attribute! So I kept him 🙂


    • That alone was probably enough reason for dumping husband #1.


      • Ha ha – “dumping” husband because of bathroom habits.


  12. Maureen

    You have to get him out of there or go to another bathroom yourself! I don’t suppose you can turn the second sink into a tinkling (sorry) pond???


  13. Maureen

    Maybe that’s why our ancestors had their bathrooms outside the house!!!


  14. You are so funny. And I completely agree. If I ever get my dream house, I am building two master bathrooms AND a room where only I know the location of the remote control.


  15. My husband and I built our house together, and our bathroom is OK. I just get up two hours earlier…


    • I get up earlier, but lately, he (who has previously been a sound sleeper) will get up and want to SHARE. Like this morning.


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