notquiteold

Nancy Roman

O Christmas Pan!

Time for Christmas reruns…

Here’s my favorite Christmas story. To my husband’s chagrin, I tell it often.

 

O CHRISTMAS PAN!

 

I met my husband in November 1989.

By Christmas, we were pretty much living together.  We weren’t kids – he was in his forties and I was thirty-eight. So we didn’t see much sense in taking it slow.

Over decades of dating, I had learned one thing about love. You’re better off not expecting him to be perfect. Real love is not loving everything he does, but forgiving him for most of what he does.

The following year was the test.

Christmas 1990.  We had been together just over a year, and I was just six weeks away from my fortieth birthday.  These two events led me to conclude that my Christmas present would be an engagement ring. I was desperate sure.

And that Christmas morning we exchanged gifts.  I can’t remember what I gave him. But I remember what he gave me.

A roasting pan.

roaster2

Oh yeah.

And that’s not all. It seems he did all his shopping in one store – a kitchen store.  I got dishtowels too.  And an apron.  Let me repeat. AN APRON.

I can’t even express how disappointed I was. I knew that he was a sweet guy, and didn’t mean to give me servant’s presents. He was actually excited about the pan. It was big. He likes big.

I smiled through it all, even though my jaw was beginning to hurt.

Then we went to his brother’s house for Christmas dinner. His brother had met his girlfriend about the same time my husband met me.

And guess what his brother’s girlfriend got for Christmas.

Oh yeah.

A diamond ring.

And she was twenty-six. I was thirty-nine. And what comes after thirty-nine?  It was bad enough to be a forty-year-old bride, but now I wasn’t even going to be a forty-year-old bride.

“We’re engaged!” That little bitc…baby squealed.

That’s when I stopped smiling.

And later that evening, back at home…well, let’s just say I was slightly upset in a moderately loud way.

“You wanted a ring?” he asked, completely surprised.

Oh yeah.

It all ended well enough, I guess. I got my diamond ring six weeks later for my fortieth birthday. And we squeezed in a wedding before the end of the year (November 30, 1991 ) – so I didn’t have to be a forty-one-year-old bride.

My brother-in-law doesn’t even have that wife anymore.

And I have a diamond ring (a big one), and the same husband, and a roasting pan to boot.

But every Christmas, when I take the roast out of the oven, someone inevitably says, “What a great pan.”

I would recommend you not do that.

 

****

Want to give yourself a nicer Christmas present than a roasting pan? How about a good cry? I love a sad story, and my new novel, LUCINDA’S SOLUTION, is guaranteed to generate some nice cathartic tears. It’s available on Amazon by clicking this link.

 

28 Comments

  1. Laughing hysterically here. I met my husband in October of 89. I think our first date was Nov of 89. We got married in Sept of 90. Still married, partly because he has never gotten me a roasting pan. Though I can’t say he’s been all that romantic with gifts. On second thought after this many years a roasting pan might be good.

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    • Oh, it’s a beautiful pan. It’s just not a diamond ring!

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  2. My husband was wildly erratic with gifts, sometimes he would get me something I really loved and other years, well it felt like an afterthought. I think the low point was the year he gave me a spice rack. I was about as happy as you were about the roasting pan. I still have it though.

    Like

    • He’s done some excellent gifts over the years – with a few clunkers thrown in. That first one was a doozy.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. so, so funny. happy christmas to you and yours, nancy. )

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    • Merry Christmas to you too!

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  4. Love this. My husband is not a great present buyer. Sometimes it’s downright scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    • He’s done some great gifts – he has EXCELLENT taste in jewelry. But sometimes he goes a little too fancy. He bought me gorgeous earrings one year that needed a tiara. And was upset that I returned them for something just a little more understated.

      Liked by 1 person

      • One year my husband bought me garnet earrings (which I really wanted). What I got looked more like amethyst. His reasoning…do you know how dull that garnet color is? Of course I do! Gotta love them.

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  5. I like the irony that your brother doesn’t have that wife anymore, and you still have your pan. I know, all the more for hitting you with! Merry Christmas Nancy.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I still use the pan – 27 years later. But with clenched teeth.

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      • They were built to last in those days (unlike sisters-in-law haha)
        I remember my Mum hitting my sister’s boyfriend with the frying pan for untying the strings of her apron once too often. The indentations on his buttocks apparently were the talk of the day!

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  6. Carla

    What a wonderful story! Merry Christmas to you and your family.

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    • Merry Christmas to you and yours too!

      Like

  7. This made me laugh! I had almost identical situation with my husband but….I got a wok!

    Liked by 1 person

    • What is it with husbands?????

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  8. kathy

    Can you say “dustbuster”! Really??! Yeah, we had a “conversation” and that was the last “practical” gift he ever gave me! ( he’s a quick learner!)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. What a great story Nancy! So glad you still have both:)

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    • Thanks. Both are useful at times.

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  10. Great holiday story. Merry Christmas!

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    • Merry Christmas to you too!

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  11. Merry Christmas.
    Funny post that made me tear up. Love happy beginnings!
    My now husband snored through the first movie he took me to. Love him.

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    • We don’t go to the movies anymore. We only watch them on TV, so I don’t mind if he starts to snore before the opening credits are finished.

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  12. Hey, I am a 14 year old and wrote my first blog today about my experience with bitcoin (online currency). I would really appreciate it if you read it and commented what you thought. Thanks a lot

    Like

    • Hello Bookstobitcoins! I think your initial blog is a great start. It looks good and reads well. You don’t want to get too long or too technical, as many readers will get turned off… but your post was about the perfect length and detail. I see only two minor errors that you can easily edit – and rest assured – we all make LOTS of errors all the time. The first is that from September to December is only 3 months, not 4. And “Lopsided” not “Lobsided”. What I like best is that you gave some really good advice as well as information – first – that you determined how much you could afford – very important! And second, that you learned to trust your own judgment. To get more readers, I always recommend that you read other blogs that are on a similar subject, and comment thoughtfully. It will others to your own blog. Best wishes for success!

      Liked by 1 person

      • thanks a lot

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        • And SEE about mistakes… It will LEAD others to your own blog. I totally missed a word there!

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