Driving home from the small town that is bigger than the small town we live in – which is sort of like going to the Big City for lunch – we passed a housefront. A housefront is like a storefront for someone running a business out of a house. There are lots of those where I live. Old Victorian houses or farmhouses that are now businesses.
But anyway, there was a sign in front of this housefront that read:
I jumped out of my seat. That’s figuratively, of course, not literally. And here’s another by-the-way: some
idiots wise decision-makers at Webster Dictionary have chosen to add to the definition of “literally’ a second definition: “figuratively.” So now “literally” means not only “literally” but also “not literally.” Well, let me just say that this literally makes my head explode.
But anyway (again), my seatbelt held me in, and I managed not to scream “Stop the car! Stop the car!”
But I totally wanted to.
Can you just imagine what’s inside that housefront? With cheese and hip hop and spiritual advice, I’m sure that my life would change. And to think that I usually feel that just cheese is enough.
But I’m glad now that we didn’t stop. Because I have found lately that real life usually does not match my sweet imagination (thank you, Paul Simon, for one of the truest lines in music).
Especially at The Huffington Post. I love Huffpost. Where else can I get in-depth reporting with the liberal slant that matches my own slanty self and at the same time watch videos of kittens being surprised by mirrors?
But the downside of Huffpost is that the headlines are SO MUCH BETTER than the stories. I have discovered that if I just read the headlines and skip the stories I enjoy myself oh so much more.
Last week, In a SINGLE DAY, The Huffington Post offered me the following entertainment:
“MAN FOUND WITH 51 TURTLES BENEATH CLOTHING”
“DONKEYS REUNITED AT POLISH ZOO AFTER SEX SCANDAL”
“PRISONS ARE ADOPTING THE WAL-MART BUSINESS MODEL”
“BODYBUILDING CHRISTIAN SWINGERS START SEX WEBSITE”
“BASEBALL PLAYER’S HOMERUN TROT SHOWS WHAT TOUGHNESS REALLY MEANS”
“BACTERIA PORTRAITS ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THEY SOUND”
“WOMAN DROVE 12 BLOCKS WITH COP ON HER CAR”
*PLANE MAKES UNSCHEDULED STOP DUE TO ALLEGED MASTURBATION”
“WOMAN SPENDS A MONTH IN JAIL AFTER COPS MISTAKE SPAGHETTIOS FOR METH”
and my very favorite of the week:
“DRUNK MOOSE TERRORIZING SWEDEN PROBABLY NOT EVEN DRUNK: SCIENTIST”
Now why would I read the stories and jeopardize my sweet imagination?
But tomorrow I may stop for some hip hop spiritual advice. And cheese.