notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Dances With Wolves

In the Native American culture, a name describes who a person is, and so should change as the person changes.

I love this concept. Especially since I do not love Nancy. And I am certainly not the Nancy I used to be.

So, in the mode of “Dances With Wolves,” I present to you my names through my evolution.

 

Age 3:  Hankers For Hair

Yes, I was a bald baby. And I stayed that way until Kindergarten. You may think a toddler doesn’t care much about hair. Think again.

 

Age 5:  Cries About Everything

This was a long stage. It may still be my middle name.

 

Age 10: Eats Only Hotdogs

All kids go through a fussy period. Mine drove my distraught mother to the doctor, who gave this sage advice:  “So let her eat hotdogs.”

 

Age 16:  Looks About Ten

My perfectly round face and perfectly flat chest did nothing to attract boys. Everybody told me I would be happy later in life that I looked so young. They were right. But it did not comfort me.

 

Age 20:  Majors in Transferring

This is what my parents called me for about seven years. I liked college. I stayed as long as possible.

 

Age 30:  Concentrates on Career

I had several aliases during this period.  I was also called:

Works Every Weekend

Suffers Through Meetings

Agrees with Idiots

Doesn’t Have Boyfriend

 

Age 40:  Walks Down Aisle

I got married. I let one of those weird aliens with the hangy-down things into my house. It’s been an adjustment. Just today I wondered whether he had been cooking orange paint in the formerly non-stick pan.

 

Age 54:  Caves on Career

I gave up the every-weekend, no-life, high-stress, screamed-at job. I took a reasonable job. I’m poorer. But I’m alive.

 

Age 63: Obsesses With Youth

Why, when my whole youth was spent trying to look older, do I now desire to look younger? And if I want so badly to be younger, why do I also want to retire? I just can’t decide whether I want Accutane or Medicare.

 

criesabouteverything

Nancy – AKA “Cries About Everything” Ages 5 – 9 (plus)

 

 

 

25 Comments

  1. Love your stages. Afraid mine would have been “Too Bossy for her own Good” from about age 10 on!

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    • Oh, that’s a good one! I loved bossing people around – until I had to for a living.

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      • Now I only like bossing my husband around.

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        • Susan Ritchie

          That name would have fit you perfectly – you were the bosser – unfortunately, I was the bossee!

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  2. I know another good name for you. Writes With Humor.

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  3. I love the art, too!

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    • Thanks. I had to fuss around with that one. I never drew anyone crying before, and my early tries were all about 100 years old.

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  4. Alex Garmon

    Very creative. 😉  

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  5. I’m either ‘Fiddles with Writing’ or ‘Cuddles with Cats’. I used to be ‘Geek with Glasses’ (in my teens), ‘Woman Who Volunteers for Everything Even Though She Has No Time’ (in my 30s and 40s), and ‘Teacher Who Cares Too Much’ (in my late 40s and early 50s).

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  6. What a cool post. ) Very clever. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks.

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  7. Great idea. I’m sure I would be “Practically Perfect in Every Way.” Unless you ask anybody who actually knows me, then it would be “Lies through Teeth.”

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    • I prefer “Tells Creative Stories” better than “Lies Through Teeth.”

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      • And THAT is precisely why I like you!

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  8. Cries about everything could be my middle name too…. took me long to accept that this is a major strategy and to take the stress out of that, not only for me but everybody around me. Don’t know what I would call myself now – one to try not to be responsible for everything?

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  9. I never knew that. Sounds like a grand concept to me. I guess around 30, Never Content and now, At Least Fairly Healthy.

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  10. This is priceless! I especially like your description of “Walks Down aisle and the “hangy-down things”. I have a whole collection of formerly non-stick pans.
    I’m not sure I could remember my phases with such clarity. I guess that means I am now in my “Forgets Everything” phase.

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  11. Millie Anne Lowe

    I most liked your age 63 stage. I’m in the same situation right now. I had once spent time wondering where my first wrinkles would show up. Will I have crow’s feet? No, I now have the fine lines above my eyelids that have drooped a bit. Ayi!
    Now I am making comments similar to ones I made when I was about 24, like “He’s sexy!” (Referring to Keith Urban) My wild, boy-crazy times are reappearing in my thoughts. I’ve concluded that it’s just a spirit in me that never died. So in my mind, I will continue to live young!

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  12. I love your stages! I will have to come up with some of my own. Hopeless Romantic was back in high school…sitting in my bedroom in the dark looking out the window in hopes that my boyfriend would “drop by” wasted many a night and three years of high school. And I am soooo in your stage 63 at 61!

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  13. How about “Inspires Giggles”

    I think that one fits you perfectly. Your stages likely fit many of us.

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  14. “hangy-down things.” best list of indian names ever (since I’ve never read one before.) ;o)

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  15. I enjoyed reading about all your names. And I agree with Monica about Age 40 and the alien. Ha!

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  16. Yes, there were many years that my name was definitely “Cries About Everything” ….even well into adulthood. Thankfully, THAT’S changed!

    Like

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