notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Boy Stuff and Girl Stuff

Men and women both have lots of shit.

But the shit we collect is very different.

I have too many:

  • Clothes (especially sweaters)
  • Shoes – none of which are comfortable
  • Makeup products, but I’m still searching for the right stuff
  • Books
  • Opinions

All of these things are crucial, as I am sure you would agree, but I maybe could cut down just a little.

My shoes. Actually, just the summer ones.

My husband has too many:

  • Tools
  • Broken things that he may fix someday
  • Pieces of scrap wood
  • Identical sneakers
  • Little notes to himself

His shoes. Okay, fewer than mine, but they are IDENTICAL! And I didn't count the pair he was wearing. Also identical.

As I’m sure you can also see, most of what my husband has is completely unnecessary.  Except for tools.  But the last time I needed a screwdriver and he wasn’t home, I went into the garage where he keeps his massive impressive tool box – and it was locked.  So no tools for me.  Gee, thanks.

He also has power tools and chain saws and more than one tractor, but he can keep those.  In exchange,  I will keep all my jewelry, which I did not even list, since you can never have too much jewelry.

When we travel (which is seldom, since we can’t bear to leave our things), we both tend to overpack.

I bring too many hair products.  I may need shampoo, creme rinse, root lift, mousse, gel, hairspray, dryer and curling iron. And a headband in case none of the above works. Because you never know.

My husband brings too much underwear.  Because, I guess, you never know.

Here’s what I wish I had more of:

A SENSE OF ADVENTURE

Here’s what I wish he had more of:

A SENSE OF URGENCY

37 Comments

  1. I recently subscribed to getting your posts on my email and think you are hysterical. Make me laugh every time and is just like my house! Jeanne

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  2. beckyblackpowell

    Very clever!

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  3. bigsheepcommunications

    Is there an explanation for the multiple pairs of identical shoes?

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    • Yes. He is a M – A – N.

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    • JSD

      Or if he can’t fine one (the genetic thing), he’s got some extras so he’s got a complete pair to wear. It’s like buying a dozen pair of identical socks so you don’t have to worry about those orphans that show up in the washing machine…and you never have to match them.

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      • JSD

        Geez, and I can’t spell…if he can’t FIND one…

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  4. Talk to me...I'm your Mother

    You nailed it!

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  5. I have multiple identical shoes too… but then again, they’re Army boots.

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  6. I think you are living in my house. I smiled at the locked tools. Although my husband has a humongous collection in the basement workshop, I have had to buy the basics to keep in the kitchen so I can actually find a hammer or screwdriver (that is when I can’t find him to fix it). Your shoe collection is awesome but you may not have enough.

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  7. Amen! But I was just thinking…maybe he does have a sense of urgency, which explains the extra underwear. Hope he’s not reading, haha…but great post!

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  8. Re: the locked toolbox. I’d be suspicious. What’s really in there? Is he afraid you’ll steal his prize screwdriver? ‘Cuz, I know my husband has favorite things, and honestly, I have really tried, but can’t tell the difference . . . 🙂

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  9. rose

    Funny post 🙂 Isn’t there a “they still fit” mentality going on with men? When my son came back from Iraq and moved out on his own, his closet had every pair of old tennis shoes in it that he had owned over the last few years. Because they still fit and you can apparently never have too many “mowing shoes”.

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    • Absolutely. They still fit. Plus he has this rationale: The sneakers last longer if you let them “air” for a day after you wear them, so you should be alternating with two pairs. And you never know when you will need the old ones.

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  10. The last time we moved house I had to empty the entire garden shed which contained a dumpster load of short pieces of 2 by 4’s. Don’t ask me. I have no idea.
    PS He never noticed they’d gone…

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  11. Linked to your blog in my post today at Day in the Life. If you want me to remove it – let me know and I will. Mostly just harmless mom readers and a few family members (who are mostly sane as family members go). And your post today – What’s so nuts is the number of tools and never being able to find ONE. Not one??? Tracking back to your other post – I have gotten the call, “Hey, babe, where’s that screwdriver I had the other day?” Seriously??? Thank you for another hilariously true post.

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  12. Nicely done. Every couple has a list like this. Maybe not the exact same items–but the lists are different. I really love how you ended this post.

    You have a wonderful wit! 🙂

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  13. Love it!

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  14. Go get ’em Nancy! Plan an ADVENTURE!! Go with your hubby-and only let him bring one pair of black tennies!

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  15. Are you sure you weren’t in my closet?

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  16. Great post. And as long as HE doesn’t have too many opinions (or too many that are different from yours), this marriage thing might just work out for a year or two…

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  17. I can’t remember where this quote is from, but it’s so appropriate: “Ever notice how other people’s stuff is shit, but your shit is stuff?”

    I hate to be the voice of dissention here, but I totally understand your hubby’s locked toolbox. When I got married, I owned two full sets of tools: automotive tools and construction tools. Hubby also had two full sets of tools. So far, so good.

    Except for the fact that he’s a “use it and drop it” kind of guy, and I’m a “use it and put it back in the toolbox so you can find it again” type. Which means that he loses all his own tools, and then raids my toolbox and loses mine, too.

    We own 13 hammers (seriously). I can’t find even one. Aaaargh! Gonna go buy me a lock…

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    • Doc

      If you can’t find them, how do you know there are 13 hammers? Just asking!

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    • That is perfect – “Other people’s stuff is shit, but your shit is stuff”! So great, I had to look it up. George Carlin.

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  18. I’m back from holiday and am so glad to be tuning into your blog again. You always tell it how it is and make it easy to see the humor in so many situations. Keep it up! And THANKS!

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  19. My husband has a million cables and wires and cords. He may have to use them some day. Right!!!

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  20. Ulgh! The broken things! It must be all of them! My husband also keeps boxes ‘just in case’ he ever has to return something. TV boxes, power tool boxes, HUGE boxes! What is that??

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    • He also likes to save every catalog he receives. He keeps them forever. He likes to know what things “used to cost.”

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  21. Doc

    Looks like I’m the only male reading- or at least commenting on- your post today. I really don’t see the problem here. Does your husband complain about all your jewelry? Or all your hair products? or clothes? Or shoes? Well, not if he’s smart. So why not let him have the excess that he has? Since his shoes are identical, you could get rid of a pair every once in a while. Maybe just get rid of one shoe instead of one pair. Then he can go around asking if you’ve seen his other shoe. Soundsto me like an idea for a new post!

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    • I have more excess than him, that’s true. But my excess is better than his excess.

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  22. Snoring Dog Studio

    Yes. I recently horrified some guy friend when he found out that I have a summer, fall and winter wardrobe. He had one set for the entire year. What a yokel! Do men just not understand fabric weight?

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  23. pharphelonus

    Doc is right. Men never say squat about what a woman has. LOL

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  24. The expression “one person’s treasure is another’s trash” fits here. I could easily throw out 80% of my clothes, shoes, papers, books, handbags, etc. And he could too– but neither of us want to!

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  25. Actually, he must have plenty of a sense of urgency, which is why he takes so much underwear!

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  26. Spot on. The identical sneakers! It’s universal. I was on a tear getting rid of stuff yesterday. I so wanted to get rid of the “old” pairs of his shoes, but I can’t tell which ones are the old ones!

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    • It is impossible to figure out which ones are the old sneakers!

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