“Where’s my hat?” asked Waldo.
(Installment #2 for Heteronormative Week)
While your kids are looking for Waldo, Waldo doesn’t seem to know how to look.
They will holler (from another room, from another floor, and sometimes, by phone, from another state):
– the mail?”
– the peanut butter?”
– my watch?”
– the cat?”
And the answers are (in no particular order): the pantry, your underwear drawer, under the newspaper, in the bathtub.
Waldo can be looking right at something, and not see it. My husband (not Waldo) called me at work to ask me to stop on the way home and buy sugar. He had the urge to bake …(that happens once every fifteen years, but the urge is urgent), and there was no sugar. I told him the pantry, the third shelf, the right side, in the front, blue bag. Nope, no sugar. When I got home I walked into the pantry – the third shelf, the right side, in the front, and took out the big blue bag that was deceptively labeled, “SUGAR.”
And Waldo can never admit that he might have misplaced something. Whatever is missing must be because I – (oops, I mean Waldo’s wife) – must have hidden it.
“Where did you hide my car keys?”
Or perhaps, even, Waldo’s evil wife could have thrown them away.
Yes, sometimes very sinister things happen.
Last week my husband wanted to replace the brush-heads on our electric toothbrushes. He was absolutely sure he had one more package of replacement heads. But he tore the bathroom apart and could not find the package.
Something despicable had happened.
“The cleaning lady took them.”
In our house, we have electronic equipment, fine jewelry, sterling silver service for twelve, and cold hard cash.
But those toothbrush heads were just too tempting.