notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Indulging

A few days ago I was feeling sad.

There was no particular source of my sadness – no single or series of events to make me unhappy or bring the tears to my eyes.

Just that general overall feeling of Sadness.

I probably could not explain it if I had to, and I probably don’t need to – because I am sure every human being has those moments or days –  or even years – of vague heartache.

I am normally a cheerful person.

So I considered all the things I could count on to cheer myself:

Play with the dog.

Have some ice cream.

Go out for gourmet coffee.

Read a book.

Go makeup shopping.

Talk to my mother.

Take a walk.

Listen to music.

Paint.

Take a warm lavender-scented bath.

All those things are beautiful activities that always elevate my mood.

So what did I do?

Something so subversive, so revolutionary it didn’t even feel like me.

I gave myself permission to be sad.

Not forever. Just for the day.

I am at heart a happy person.

But sometimes us happy people are under a lot of pressure (self-imposed, usually) to always be happy. To be happy every minute. To look happy. To make others happy.

To be bright and optimist and funny.

Well, just for the day, I said,

“Screw that.”

I was sad.

Now I can’t say that it felt ‘good’ – I was sad and that is not good.

But if we have an inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness, can we, just once in a while, claim the right to not pursue it – just for a day?

I felt a respite.

A relaxation of my face in letting go of my smile.

A solace in allowing myself the right to be sad.

“I’ll be fine,” I told myself.

“I’ll be fine. Tomorrow.”

And I was.

 

theo&meserious

 

35 Comments

  1. Easier said than done, so well done for doing it…

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    • I don’t believe in wallowing in self-pity, but a little self-care is not a bad thing.

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  2. Sometimes we just have to accept our sadness, let it have its way with us (for a little while), and then push it aside and get on with life. “Faking” it never works (for me, anyway).

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    • I usually fake it and get through it. But it was freeing to let go – just for one day.

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  3. Good for you. We are all allowed an off day. I felt a bit down myself today.

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    • Wrap yourself in it… just for a while. Let go and then feel better tomorrow.

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      • Thanks Nancy. Sometimes a little downtime is actually good time.

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  4. I’m glad your sad day worked for you, the secret is not to get bogged down in it, I hope you played with the dog the very next day.

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    • I did. My dog is one of the great joys in my life. I can’t stay sad for long with that adorable face gazing at me.

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  5. I have to fight those days off. I have them and I get fearful that they will continue especially this time of year. Glad you are able to turn ti all around.

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    • I think the time of the year and the oppressive political situation had a lot to do with it. It’s so difficult if you are an old hippie like me.

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  6. Linda

    Make sure you have enough B12 in your system.

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    • You know… I never even thought there could be a physical cause. I was just mostly in my head, but keeping healthy is a great part of one’s emotional well-being.

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  7. Sadness is a part of life, it happens to everyone from time to time

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    • I remember years ago when a friend’s spouse died and her doctor asked her if she wanted an antidepressant to help her through it. She said, “My husband DIED. I am SUPPOSED to be sad. This is when I am SUPPOSED to cry. Why would I not want to feel that?”

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sometimes we have to let emotions run their course, like colds. You can suppress the symptoms for a while, but the underlying cause still needs to get out in the air before you can be rid of it. An occasional wallow in sadness does you good, as does a therapeutic temper tantrum – I find anger so toxic, little things build up into a kind of static charge that dissipates instantly with a violent outburst. Even if it’s only 3 seconds of screaming/throwing things, as long as I don’t hurt anyone or break anything precious, I feel immediately better, in a way that no end of calming activities would achieve. You have to just let these things out of your system. You’re feeling them for a reason, even if you don’t know what it is, so you need to express them to set them free. And then apologise if necessary (although if your family members know you well they’ll understand already), and cuddle anyone who was worried, just to show you’re all better now.

    Or maybe that’s just me 🤫. But “giving yourself permission” to feel can only be a good thing.

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    • I don’t like to scream because I will scare the pets. But I have been known to take a drive by myself and scream in the car!

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  9. It is Life. All days are not equal. Bad will follow Good. Sadness will follow Happiness. If it does not happen, we won’t be able to differentiate the value of both. Thanks for sharing both with us.

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    • Thank you – that is a wonderful way to think about it.

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  10. I always try to figure out WHY I am suddenly feeling sad and depressed and feel I have to fix it. It’s a nice way to look at it that maybe it’s okay to just be sad for a day and let it go at that.

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    • I remember giving someone some advice one day, and a third friend said to me, “She’s not broken. You don’t have to fix her. Just listen.” And that can be true of ourselves too. You don’t always have to find a fix. You can just listen – to yourself.

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  11. Good for you! Sometimes we just need to wallow in sadness, pity, anger or whatever it is and then move on! Glad you are better!

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  12. Pam

    Sometimes when I am having a sad day, I have to sit myself down and pinpoint what it is that’s bugging me, and it’s usually more than one issue. I face whatever it is and try to rationalize each worry away. If I can’t resolve things, I make myself let it be, like Paul McCartney would do, ha. Like you said not all problems can be fixed by me. The good thing is it doesn’t last that long.

    I’m glad you are feeling better. Theo would cheer anybody up!

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  13. Great post there.I also have days that i feel sad without a reason.It’s just a feeling and its always good to give yourself permission to be sad,once in a while.
    please check commonafricangirl.com

    Liked by 1 person

  14. A lovely honest post, thank you. These days are perfectly natural. My mother calls them “non days”. I find it’s easier just to throw yourself in there completely, watch your favourite movie and completely blob, then suddenly you pop out the other side. The body will always seek balance, if we only let it. Hope this day is wonderful!!

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  15. As someone who fights depression every day, this was something I had to learn. How to give myself permission to be sad. Whenever someone tells me that I shouldn’t be sad because someone has it worse, I tell them that if that is true then they shouldn’t be happy because someone has it better. We should never let anyone tell us how to feel or when to feel. It’s a part of being human. Without the right to be sad, we would feel numb all the time.

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  16. I got it. Sometimes i feel that too. It was not because there was no particular source of reason that make me feel sad. It was just a bunch of heavy reasons combined in, and all those reasons made me overwhelming that i didn’t know exactly how to describe the pain. People, actions, mistakes, cheerful memories just floated into me, made me overthinking and made me collapsed. I had tried standing up and acting strong, but no, it was the same thing. That sadness comes and goes, depending upon how i deal with it. Sometimes i wanted to give up so bad, I was so afraid of change. I don’t like evolution. But when i thought of the time i almost could not make it, i made myself clear that this time is gonna be same thing. I survived while i thought i was not gonna make it. It is okay to feel extra cautious, it is alright to be a little bit selfish because no one else can fight the sadness inside us even the closed ones!!

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  17. Donna W.

    Looks like you touched some tender hearts, Nancy. And I love the photo at the end of this blog! You’re both simply gorgeous!! Please consider using it as one of your paintings for a future novel.

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  18. shareandmirror

    I like how you naturally came to the decision to allow yourself to be sad. I think culture may be lightening up on that narrow focus on the pursuit of happiness and being positive as, like you, we all recognize the other thoughts and emotions serve a purpose too. It’s the human experience. As we age and experience more loss that becomes a part of us, there’s no need to reinforce it but there’s also no need to repress it. We feel loss because what we lost had meaning. It’s meaning that makes life fulfilling. I occasionally feel strong sadness when my vivid memories of the toddler versions of my teenage sons come to mind as I realize I never get to see them again. That version of my sons, that is. As I get older I let the feelings pass through me becoming more one with who my boys are now. That comprehensive sadness, love and appreciation wouldn’t be as strong if I repressed the sad.

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  19. I join with you in not only recognising “sad” but allowing it to be. sometimes this gives us an opportunity to explore if more before choosing to invite “happiness” back in. Yes love your photo!

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  20. I completely agree with what you said. Sometimes for no reason at all you can easily just become sad. Everyone has good days and bad days, and do you know what sometimes its good to just accept that your sad as you can truly reflect on what you are feeling at that moment. If i want to cry i let it out and feel much better after it! Sending good thoughts and positive vibes!

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  21. You allow yourself to be sad for the day. You’re sad and that’s okay.
    The second day you remember it’s “okay,” do it again.
    The next month people have begun to notice.
    A few months later, there are few people left in your life; but you’re remembered.
    Anniversary of allowing myself to be sad: Two people in my life and the sadness became something of the subconscious mind because if channeled any other way, I assume the worst.

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  22. I went through a similar situation recently I used to force myself to always be happy go lucky and productive. the other day I couldn’t do it I tried everything I normally do to make me happy but nothing worked and it seemed like the more I tried the sadder I became so I decided to give myself a day off I told my family I was just going to chill out and do absolutely nothing, no, cleaning, no cooking, nothing, they made themselves some soup and sandwiches. And left me alone.
    Thank you for sharing your story it’s comforting to know there are other people who go through days like that too.

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  23. The Lord's ranger

    Hi, am new here! This got me cracking somehow.
    Thanks for sharing.
    If you wanna smile today, check this out:

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  24. Sometimes that happens to me too. I’m sad or rejected for reasons of my own doing, not someone elses. I feel like crying. So I give myself permission to cry. Cry and scream and bawl. I get it out of my system and I feel better for it. So I hear you.

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