notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Smug Has A Short Lifespan

Oh, I have been amazing lately in Zumba.

My hips almost sway; my shoulders almost don’t look tense; my breasts almost shimmy; my teeth almost unclench. I’m almost there.

So I strutted into class tonight full of almost self-confidence.

And there was someone in my spot. My spot. That place on the floor where I always stand. Another woman was in my spot.

My confidence fell just a bit. But hey, no big deal. I’m mature. I went and stood in a spot behind the little usurper. Somewhat to the left though, because I couldn’t be right behind her, or I wouldn’t be able to see myself in the mirror. I have to see myself. I have a cute outfit.

Only.

Only I wasn’t the only one wearing that cute outfit. This girl – the one standing in MY SPOT – was wearing the exact same thing. A black racerback tank and grey capri leggings.  Well, okay. That’s pretty common workout wear. It’s perfectly fine for someone else to wear the same thing.

Only.

Only she wasn’t wearing it the same. Her racerback tank stuck way out in the front. She had boobs. Whereas I have teensy-weensy breasts. She had knockers.

But okay, big breasts aren’t everything. I have an athletic body. (sort of – that’s a nice synonym for flat-chested, right?) And that’s good for dancing.

Her grey leggings were a little different too. She had no hips. I have womanly hips. That’s great for zumba. It’s sexy. And  – now that I am an experienced zumba-ist – they almost move.

I warmed up with a few squats. Some marching in place. She warmed up with pirouettes. Yes, she spun around on one foot. More than once.  Both directions. I did a few more squats.

We start. I’ve been doing this now for close to two years. I know the steps. This poor child who is just starting out will probably be lost.

Only.

She danced. She had the steps. Like she invented them. And her boobs shimmied, and her non-hips undulated.

I saw the teacher look in our direction. I saw her mouth a word: “wow.”

But I was great too.

I mean, I didn’t throw up or anything.

zumbatwins.jpg

217 Comments

  1. The title says it all. Nicely done.

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    • Yeah. And my own smugness was pretty short-lived too.

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  2. Diane Turner

    Love, love, love this. Thanks for sharing.

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  3. Nothing comes as close to the forefront of this issue. You bring it up in a humorous manner we can’t ignore. Ha ha. 😀

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    • I hate to compare myself to others; and yet I cannot stop. The older I get, the more I should STOP.

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  4. Not fair. What a show-off she was! She’ll be gone next time.

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    • She was a terrible show-off – and she was so GOOD. I hate that.

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  5. The boobs were probably purchased. Shimmy on.

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  6. I can relate. 🙂 THX for the belly laugh.

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    • The pirouette is what put me over the edge.

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  7. I needed a good giggle tonight..you sound like me!

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    • Another self-torturer!

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      • Oh yes…I won’t say it’s with working out, the comparison thing? Yes…definitely.

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  8. But is she funny like you?! I doubt it….

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    • I am telling myself she has no sense of humor at all.

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      • That’s why she has to compensate with all the other stuff she’s got….you are hard to beat in the humor department!

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  9. She’s probably just visiting. You will be be back to your favorite spot and the star of the class again soon. Or not…remember, you are the smart, funny one!

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    • I am going really early next week. I want that SPOT,

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  10. Gray Dawster

    I like the fine description in this one, mainly the boobs mention but don’t worry I am enjoying reading the whole posting and Zumba (changing the subject) is an excellent workout for anyone, not that I am participating in it myself of course but it’s the thought that counts 🙂 lol

    Have a lovely Friday and be well 🙂

    Andro xx

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    • I think it is completely unfair that she has big boobs and can dance too.
      Thanks for dropping by.

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  11. Yes life can be really bitchy that way…. for us “amateurs” anyway. Especially for us 50+ amateurs….

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    • I am thinking about embroidering on my racerback tank “62 – Almost 63” – that way the others in the class can put my performance into some perspective.

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  12. She was an interloper – and undoubtedly competing with you!

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    • Oh yes, I’m sure my performance really intimidated her.

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  13. Remember – by the time she’s our age, her boobs will have sunk down to her waist and she’ll have back and hip problems from all that toe dancing. No one likes a show off!

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    • You’re right! Teensy-weensy doesn’t sag.

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      • CJ

        Actually, it sort of rolls sideways and under the armpits..teensy weensys are orphan annies…are you finally giggling now? 😉

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    • CJ

      Maybe…it’s FATE! Perhaps her arriving BEFORE you is a blessing in disguise…? She probably isn’t such a great driver, possibly? Probably one of those text-junkies, eyes off the road kind of drivers..she might even be ‘parking lot’ challenged…one of those “Oops, I did it again!”, bump and bang kinds with no peripheral-spatial perception? Big boobs= stretch marks, too. Gotta wear extra support bras. forget being in clothes without. Men never take you seriously when you speak. Yeah. You have a much better deal. Tell her you need to follow the steps from THAT spot. Smile, Say, thanks so much for understanding…Say you have trouble seeing …or hard of hear
      She is NOT good at everything she does…and she was blessed (or cursed) with what she was born with…trust me…underneath that usurper’s exterior, the spot-remover has…..FLAWS (aside from stealing spots)!!!~ lol…you will pick up clues and discover the defect soon enough…and I bet she will disappear sooner than you think, too. Teensy weensys are ‘perky’ too. Merry Christmas!

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  14. I wonder if she can almost write? Probably not so you are still the queen.

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    • I’ve always wanted to be royalty. I am the Queen of Almost Writing!

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  15. Nooo. Not in your spot! (Perhaps it’s you of a parallel universe and she slipped over accidentally….I’ll believe that….We are so fragile.)

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    • I’d like to think that in a parallel universe I have huge knockers.

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  16. Uh oh! A star is born. Maybe you can find a spot closer to the mirror and ignore the interloper.

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    • The people with the spots up close would never give up THEIR spots! And once, when one of those chosen spots was free, and I moved up there, I got totally exhausted because I had to dance like crazy, because I knew everyone could see me!

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      • Ooops! Chalk that idea up to “big boobs-small brain.” 🙂

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  17. my favorite part of this post (and it’s hard coming up with a favorite part – I love it all) – “athletic” synonym for flat-chested. I am just laughing thinking of all the times I’ve seen a big boobed woman with a great athletic body and thought, “yeah, but I bet her brain is really small.”

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    • Yeah, big boobs = small brain. At least I think that’s true because I know I’ve got a big brain and miniscule boobs.

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  18. I feel you….

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  19. Have you considered a tank top decorated with a couple of fried eggs and the message “Yeah, but mine are organic!” or something similarly scathing?

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    • I thought about a tank that says “62” – so people understand why I might be just a little slower than the whippersnappers around me.

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  20. I hate it when that happens.

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    • What I hate the most is that I was so smug – BEFORE.

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  21. You Zumba? You’re amazing. Just like this post. Amazing.

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    • Thank you! And yes, I Zumba. And not too bad. Yoga is a different story. Twelve years now and I am still in the beginner’s class. Keeps you humble.

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  22. You said nothing about this smug guy.

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  23. Everyone should be comfortable in the skin they were given.

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    • I agree, and I try..And being older definitely makes you more comfortable. But it acceptance is a constant struggle.

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  24. Lol that was an amazing story told in a funny way ! This reflects your personality that how sweet you are ! Best of luck with the Zumba thing,,,You ll do great in twelve more years 😛

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    • In 12 years, I will be approaching 75. I’ll be the best 75-year-old Zumba babe in the room!

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      • You sure will be 🙂 Love you xx

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  25. Lorraine

    Well.. You can still be smug, if you don’t compare yourself to HER, compare yourself to yourself.

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    • Only I am better in my own mind than in reality. So I never ‘match my sweet imagination’ – as Paul Simon said.

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  26. Venom

    I love the drawing! ^_^
    This reminds me of when I used to go the gym and there was always some girl RUNNING on the treadmill while I JOGGED and panted like a dog. . . Oh well!

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    • Thanks! The drawing part is as fun as the writing – very therapeutic. I look like the woman on the left – in my mind.

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  27. Love that some-one else is possessive of their spot. Yes it matters!

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    • Thank goodness someone understands! That’s MY spot!

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  28. There is always someone, blonder, cleverer, better at math, richer, with a better handbag etc. Always! Once I realised that, practically spontaneous enlightenment! 🙂

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    • I know – and I agree. But all my childhood insecurities love to come for a visit in my brain – and they like to hang around.

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      • Well, none of us really ever loose our childhood insecurities completely. We deal with them as best as we can. Very funny post, and also true. X

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  29. Great post. How we are only good in our own eyes. Then there’s always someone else who’s just more naturally gifted than ourselves.

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    • But why does better hair, better body, better dancing all have to be rolled into one? And in MY spot no less!

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  30. Congratulations on becoming “Freshly Pressed.” It just popped up on my screen and I remember reading your post a few days ago.

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  31. Best story-time ever.

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  32. Compelling and Rich! 😊 Keep on Dancin’!

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    • Thanks! I was born to dance. (not well, but born that way!)

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  33. Zumba scares me to death so if I had been in your “spot” you would have had nothing to worry about! LOL!

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    • Oh, you need to give it a try. It’s so much fun – you get to dance and be crazy sexy, and you don’t even need a partner. And it’s great exercise – I wore a pedometer to one class and I danced for 4 miles.

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  34. Do you draw all these pictures yourself? I love the style! I also draw, but not as well. You can see my drawings at: http://pezcita.wordpress.com/

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    • Yes, the drawings are mine. I’m glad you like them. They are fun to do and it gets easier with practice.

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  35. i love this drawing pictures and style. 🙂

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  36. Hahahha! Great post ! Love your humor on this.

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  37. trevorjsantos

    I think it’s important to say… It’s time for a tweaking battle!!!

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    • Oh, I’m sure I would lose a twerk-off. Sixty-two year old hips don’t gyrate quite the same.

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  38. Love your use of graphics and words!

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  39. Jeff Harbeson

    Excellent post…similar thoughts race through our heads as we age…we lose the “new car smell.” Cheers!

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    • Keeping on the new car analogy: with men, it’s the headliner that goes first. For women, its the bumper.

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  40. Lol! Great post! I love Zumba too…it’s just great and sexy. Or maybe at least it makes us feel sexy. Both are great :p And healthy for sure.

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    • Zumba is almost the most fun I’ve had working up a sweat.

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  41. Reblogged this on Nationwide Legal Forms Site.

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  42. Unfornately for her it’s you we’ll sympathize with and remember. We have all been in your shoes more than one time:) keep up the good work:D

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    • Thanks. It’s difficult to perform middle-aged zumba right next to youthful zumba.

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  43. I love Zumba, doing so much sports without realising…I have my spot too and totally get you. How did SHE dare 😉 ! But I avoid to look into the mirror. The mirror is not friends with my ‘sweet imagination’ as you say.
    Great fun post!

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    • I love to watch myself in the mirror. It makes me try harder. (and my outfit is so cute!) 😉

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      • I’ll try and change my outfit…this might help 😉

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  44. The Bookworm

    On the flip side, sometimes I wish I was flat as a board (from the front and back). Those people make running look soooo much easier.

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    • I am only flat in the front. How unfair is THAT???

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      • The Bookworm

        I can loan you a little bit.

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  45. Ha! I can sooooooooooooo relate!!

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    • We’ve all been there. At least I am better at Zumba than at Golf. I am a horrible golfer.

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  46. Congratulations on the FP!

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    • Thanks, Anitascribbles! I am now worried about not living up to expectations.

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  47. From a former back row-er (I’ve moved up a few lines), reading this was a lot of fun. Thank you, -J

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    • If I could only get used to the back row, I think I would feel a lot less pressure. But I not only like to look at myself, I NEED to see the teacher’s FEET.

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  48. very funny; I put a link to this on my fellow Zumba Peeps Facebook page.

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  49. blacklambphotography

    Very funny.

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  50. You rock:)

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  51. benjydr

    Amen, and making it through Zumba without vomiting is quite an achievement (I wish I could say this without having experienced this…). Having fabulous breasts that shimmy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. When mine jiggle, people look at me with disgust. Haven’t the foggiest why…

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    • Ha! Gee I don’t know why either. When I was single, I had a rule that I wouldn’t date a man who had smaller thighs than mine – or bigger breasts. You’d be surprised how many guys that eliminated.

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  52. There are some things that don’t age well and gravity will not be denied. Been there, love it.

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    • Thanks. I have noticed that gravity seems to have an impact on my ability to lift my legs – by the end of class.

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      • I have been invited to guest blog on the menopause blog…had to laugh..

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  53. Nicely written,
    Similar experience at crossfit. I noticed a young lady using the exact same weights I was and I could almost keep up with her.

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    • Haha and oh dear. It only gets worse with age.

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      • Funny girl, I just read your reply on smaller thighs / bigger breasted guys
        I guess my date may dump me — too small on the thighs

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  54. love this post – 🙂
    love the title – says it all

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  55. nerdycanuck

    Awesome post.

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  56. Smug has a long life span when you`re at the receiving end of it 😦

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    • So true, but then again, I was pretty smug myself as I entered the room…

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  57. darknesslites

    I actually taught a zumba class once. We all refer to it as our comedy zumba day. Laughter is supposed to be good for us, right?

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    • Good for you! If I ever tried to teach a class, I am sure I would end up in a heap at the front of the room.

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      • darknesslites

        I run a health club so I never know what I might end up doing in a days time. I try to just roll with it and keep my humor at the forefront. It seems to be working out ok.

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  58. ~meredith

    when your little boobies don’t shimmy near your elephant knees, you’re awesome… that’s my philosophy, anyway. great post.

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    • My knees are definitely bigger than my breasts. Thank goodness they are a distance away.

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  59. Congrats on being FP’d again!

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    • Thanks! Now I have nothing to follow up with.

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      • Repost (not reblog) one of your favorites. That’ll hook the ones looking for fun blogs. The fly-by-nighters, they won’t stick anyway!

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  60. dtbrents

    Reblogged this on A Gracious Home.

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  61. At age 60, I joined a Zumba class as a newbie. I have very little rhythm and no cute work out gear. We Zumba’d out doors to really good music at 6:00 at night. I am sure I looked like a crazy person running through spider webs. But, I managed a sweat and nobody laughed out loud at me. Maybe I can get to the point where my hips almost… and my breasts almost… Nicely written. Thanks for the chuckles.

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  62. juliegorges

    At 53-years old, I wasn’t brave enough to go to a Zumba class and strut my stuff so I did it at home to a video on YouTube. This makes me glad I didn’t attempt it. Hysterical stuff!

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    • Stick with it – you will get better. I used to be horrible. But now I am only terrible.

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  63. Nice.

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  64. Reblogged this on MGM Variety and commented:
    Crisp, Insightful, and honest. Great story.

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  65. Reblogged this on Stories.

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  66. orthodoxchristian2

    Haha, funny post. I practice Samozashchita Bez Oruzhiya, or SAMBO, and it’s quite a hard sport. I prefer things like this to the gym. It’s more challenging. By the pretty girls and the hunky guys in my class always like to show off, making you think ‘haha, do they really think that stuff like that is all that important?’ It’s quite funny really. I just like to get myself into it, because I love what I am doing.

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    • The younger smug folk bug me more than I would like – but I know they will be in place soon enough.

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  67. orthodoxchristian2

    *but

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  68. Hahaha. I know how you feel. Great read though! xo

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    • Yes, there is always someone better than you. I just hate it though when they are THAT MUCH better!

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      • Hahaha. There is. Ah well, such is life. ( :-/

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  69. Perhaps evaluate why you are in that class. You seem to want to be an observer. (SMILES..sorry, just what came to mind). Your entry is really cool, very funny -the comparisons. Recently I went to the gym and realized that I knew exactly what I was there for. I didn’t notice anyone and didn’t care if they noticed me. jmo

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    • Oh, I am definitely an observer – of all people, all the time! But I DO LOVE to dance. Zumba is really fun and a fantastic way to get a good workout. In the past year I have lost 30 lbs, and Zumba was a key part of the formula.

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  70. Love this!

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  71. Notquiteold, this is simply GOLD! I love it. I know exactly what you mean about “your spot” and I just wanted to strangle the woman who would steal it. This post makes me wish my Zumba instructor hadn’t moved away… I miss those classes!

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  72. I like the picture for the post! And I didn’t know about Zumba before.

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    • Thanks. Sometimes my illustrations are so-so… but I got my expression right in this one!

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      • I wasn’t sure it was yours. It’s really good!

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  73. I’m really not looking forward to it😔

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  74. In a few years, her boobs will sag to the floor, and her hips will have dislocated, while you will still have your great sense of humour. Nice post.

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    • I sure hope my sense of humor lasts longer than her boobs.

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  75. h

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  76. hi tthi

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  77. Love the post and your drawing! I can relate, I have my spot in my kickboxing class where I can see the mirror and not focus on anyone else.

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    • It’s reassuring to know that I am not the only one attached to A SPOT!

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  78. dshah96

    You just wrote about most girls’ insecurities. Every girl and woman should read this.
    http://mybeautifullife96.wordpress.com

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  79. Thanks
    now I exactly know the meaning of smug.
    had a good laugh after reading this…keep up the good work.

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    • And of course, it brought home how smug I was – until I saw her in my SPOT.

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  80. Funny and honest. Maybe the usurper can’t blog as well.

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    • There’s ALWAYS someone who is better, prettier, richer, more talented than you. It keeps us humble.

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  81. LOL! very funny 🙂

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  82. Hilarious! And I have to say, when I got to “there was someone in my spot” I thought, “Oh God! Please don’t let her live in Arizona…and be in my Zumba class…and I was the one in her damn spot!” Because I don’t get to class as regularly as I’d like. Sometimes I’ll go as long as month, and in that time someone has taken my spot, and I don’t know who’s claimed another spot if they aren’t there yet.
    And this wouldn’t be a problem if we were dogs. 😉

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    • Your reply is one of the most hilarious I have received! I agree – the problem with us humans is that we don’t know OUR PLACE.

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  83. Great post – I like your drawings!

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    • Thanks. I have as much fun with the drawings as with the writings. It is quite cathartic.

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  84. Thanks for making me smile! I feel the same way about my work parking space, LOL

    Mr.MakingUsmile

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    • Oh, yeah! I have one of those too! And I have a Yoga spot as well. My teacher actually commented last week because I wasn’t in my spot!

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  85. Fantastic.

    Although, I feel as though many of these comments are a bit harsh against the other woman (relative to her possible flaws and such). I personally believe that mature adults would refrain from posting such unkind remarks. The other girl meant no harm in her actions (i.e. pirouettes/stealing spots). She was simply a large-breasted, talented dancer. I do understand that many commenters meant their words in jest. But I guess I’m still a young’un who is naïve enough to hope that the human populous actually consists of sincerely kind people.

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    • Of course it’s over the top. I’m just being silly. And poking fun at my own insecurities.

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  86. nice pooooooo

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  87. prosaoratio

    Reblogged this on prosaoratio.

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  88. dshah96

    My friend would love this! I recommended it to her.
    P.S. http://mybeautifullife96.wordpress.com (that’s my blog)

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  89. Great post.

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  90. Isn’t it funny how territorial we get? Last week I wanted to stomp a lady’s foot for encroaching. I seriously had to take a few deep breaths and remember I was there to BETTER myself. Stomping feet probably doesn’t contribute favorably to the cause.

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    • I sat in a different spot in our weekly office meeting. The boss wanted to know why. We creatures LIKE our spots – and like to know where everyone’ spot is.

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  91. Haha yes this is all true, as someone who just got back from New Year’s Eve Zumba…I definitely have my “spot!” Great post.

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  92. Agree with the title (y)

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  93. fitNfabnj

    Haha! That is the worst when someone takes your coveted spot… I end up thinking about it the whole class!

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  94. What an awesome and funny post! LOVE loved it!
    How fortunate I would find it just in time. I signed up for my first yoga class and I’m petrified. I’m 46 years not-quite-old who’s spent the last several years just running and boxing…there’s no shimmy, no boobs, no grace and there have only been a few cute outfits. I’ll be hanging in dark corner of class until I’m there long enough to have someone else steal it.
    Thanks for the endearing honesty…I may just be brave enough now 🙂

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    • I have been doing Zumba about two years – but I have been practicing Yoga for 12 years now. And it is truly not a competition. And good thing – because it’s been 12 years and I am still in the beginner class. Enjoy.

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  95. I had such a mirror experience on skis years ago. After falling and breaking ice with my face, a tiny kid in a silver suit skied up, sprayed me with snow as he turned into a stop and asked if I was OK. I threw a pole at him.

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  96. Brianna Spause

    The title really does say it all. I’m glad I’m not the only woman who tenses over someone stealing my spotlight. Zumba on my friend!

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  97. Oh this is classic!! I can totally relate. I may not be the most graceful on the Zumba circuit, but darn it I will shake it as hard as the rest of them.

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  98. I wear shitty clothes to yoga so I never have outfit envy or anything but I feel the same way about my “spot”. I am always glad I don’t fart in yoga, so, I feel ya. (fist-to-chest-bump)

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  99. Love this, I wear my crappy clothes to the gym, and then rock up to a class where the girls are wearing mascara to the ends of the earth and push up bras that really do the best job! Not so good when you’re on a bike lunged forward 😉 I’d love it if you checked out my blog, you might find this post http://mathurini.wordpress.com/2011/01/31/bogies/ pretty funny – I think we share similar humour!

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  100. nefny

    This resonates! There’s a woman in my kettlebell class who is amazing at it. I like to pretend that i am locked in a Hunger Games-style narrative with her where I am the plucky heroine.
    I turn 36 tomorrow. Dear oh dear…

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  101. Loved this so much ♥, I felt many times like you in my Zumba class 😀

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  102. Really enjoyed this. Love it!

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  103. Awww… self-confidence for women in their looks is a hard thing to overcome. I wonder what was going on in her mind. Sometimes the people we think have it together the most are the hardest on themselves. Dance on!

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  104. Ha ha, I am posessive about my spot at yoga, and for whatever it is worth, I envy athletic types with teensy weensys 😀

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  105. Clever! Nice graphic. Thanks

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  106. hee

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  107. This definitely has parallels for me returning to the basketball court just to get whooped by random guys. Being smug definitely has a short lifespan if we are wise enough to learn from life! 🙂

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  108. Love.

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  109. hhhhhhhhhhhh

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  110. 🙂

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  111. Oh, I have so been in your shoes! I, too, have a ‘spot’ in class, and I am traumatized when someone is in it. I may be older, but a body in motion stays in motion. I plan to stay in motion! Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!

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  112. good well done

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  113. well said…well said…

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  114. Love this post- so honest!

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  115. helenjain21

    I just saw this on Freshly Pressed, and although I can’t really relate to the whole Zumba thing (I have never tried it), I definitely understand the insecurities. I was born with two left feet, and man do I look silly when I try to dance. On top of being bad at dancing, I turn as red as a tomato (seriously, it’s pretty funny looking. My husband cracks up every time he sees me go all red in the face. There is no way to hide when I get embarrassed…).

    At least you have a great sense of humor and pretty good art skills! I’ll bet she’s awful at drawing. (me…well, I can draw stick figures…does that count as drawing?)

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  116. Reblogged this on Real World.

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