notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Tag Archives: Jealousy

Complaint Department

Yesterday, still in bed, I resolved to have a full day without a complaint. I lasted until 11:00 AM. When the telemarketer called. I complain. You complain. My dog complains. Everyone complains. I bet the Dalai Lama complains that the place is too damn quiet. It’s only natural. I mean, there’s so much out there …

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Stop Doing That

All through our lives, we have to do stuff we really don’t want to do. We all pay bills and taxes, and that really sucks. I wish my Grandma was here with her little change purse, giving me a quarter right now. We all obey laws – stopping at red lights and picking up dog …

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Smug Has A Short Lifespan

Oh, I have been amazing lately in Zumba. My hips almost sway; my shoulders almost don’t look tense; my breasts almost shimmy; my teeth almost unclench. I’m almost there. So I strutted into class tonight full of almost self-confidence. And there was someone in my spot. My spot. That place on the floor where I always …

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Jealousy

I’m jealous of my husband. Not jealous OVER my husband. Although I guess I would if he had a girlfriend. I guess. Maybe I would. I definitely would. Eventually. And I’m not jealous because he’s a MAN. No, I never wanted to be a man. As Elaine Benes said, “I don’t know how you guys …

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A Tasteless, Yet Gratifying, Tale

Somewhere around my fifth year of college, I rediscovered my shyness. Inexplicably, I felt thirteen again. Awkward, unattractive, tongue-tied. I stopped dating. I forgot how to flirt. It was a phase. It lasted ten years. When I hit thirty, I figured it was time to do more than work and go to school. So I …

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