Genius or Idiot? You Decide.
This is the time of year when my fingernails get as brittle as the dead maples leaves. Luckily, they do not fall off like the leaves on our New England trees. But they snap and break like the dried-up twigs I’m stepping on.
Housework this weekend broke eight out of ten fingernails. You’d think I’d been clawing the carpets clean.
So Sunday night I sat down and tried to fix them up a little. I filed and buffed away and tried my best to have them all come in at a consistent length, although I ended up with two shorties. One of these days I’m going to get the acrylic version. You are probably surprised that I haven’t done so already, being the devoted fashionista that I am. I am as perplexed as you are. I don’t know why the nail salon isn’t on my speed-dial. Can you type with those things?
Anyway, after I was done, I figured it would be a good idea to add a bit of moisturizer to my raggedy cinderella cuticles. And I remembered that I had some cuticle cream in what I call the medicine cabinet, but what is clearly the makeup cabinet. This cream came as part of a set I received as a gift, (“Gift with Purchase” but still a gift. I had to keep it.)
So I opened the ancient little tube, and the product had separated. I think cuticle cream should have a life-span longer than nine years, don’t you?) And two big globs of oil spurted out and fell onto the knee of my jeans. Yikes.
Now these are not my very best skinny jeans that cost a month’s pay. But they are still very good jeans. And from a company that caters to its customers by sizing their clothing extremely generously. So these jeans are a size four. And so I love them very much.
And now I have oil on them. I immediately got out the Spray and Wash. the Shout-It-Out, and the grease-cutting dish detergent – the special detergent I use on the carpet when the cat throws up. That should work.
Only it didn’t. I scrubbed and rinsed and scrubbed and rinsed. And when the jeans dried, I still had two grease spots on the knee.
Some people say baby powder. Some recommend vinegar. Some baking soda. In the past, I’ve tried them all. Grease is eternal.
I was full of remorse for ever opening that damned cuticle cream. My cuticles really aren’t that bad. No one would ever think I’ve been tortured. Although they may think I wash my clothes on a rock by the river.
But as I was getting ready for bed, and taking off my eye-makeup with baby oil, I had an epiphany.
Baby Oil is cheap. Especially the kind I buy.
Instead of trying to get the oil spots out of my jeans, why don’t I just soak the jean in some baby oil, and get them completely oil-soaked? Then they’d go into the washer and dryer and come out one consistent color.
And they’ll be nice and soft. And I bet my thighs and tushie will be nice and soft too.
Only – do you think I might leave oily marks wherever I sit? And if so, for how many years?