notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Marital Fibulations

We all want honesty in our marriages.

But maybe not too much. Not… TOTAL

I’d rather hear “No, those jeans do not make your butt look fat.”

And now that I have been married a long time, I have recognized a whole bunch of fibs that married people tell each other.

I would have to say that the Number One Marital Fib is:

“Just a second.”

There are several variations of “Just a second.”  Like, “I’m almost ready.”  Or “I’ll just take a quick shower.”

My husband’s personalized variation on “Just a second” is: “I’ll be off the phone in a minute.” Mine is: “One more chapter and I’ll come to bed.”

And there are so many more marital fibs –  employed on an almost daily basis.

Like:

“I cleaned up the last time the cat threw up. It’s your turn.”

“Yes, I DID tell you that your mother called.”

“I paid that on time. The bank must have screwed up.”

“The milk is sour?”

“I loved the shirt that you gave me, but it didn’t fit.”

“The cat just farted.”

“I didn’t realize that I left it on empty.”

“No, it’s not new. I’ve had it a while.”  (Free advice:  This is true if you put something new in a drawer for a few weeks before you wear it.)

And tonight I just experienced another variation on the “just a second” theme – one that my mother knew all too well:

“I’ll help you with those dishes – but I need to go to the bathroom first.”

My mother had a name for that particular phenomenon.

Dishpan Diarrhea.

dish time

22 Comments

  1. Dishpan Diarrhea! Love it!

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    • Everyone in the family had it. It must have been contagious.

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      • Doris Legere Kennedy

        That was always my trick too. Mom never trusted us girls to wash, so she always did. I don’t remember Anita or Linda ever drying dishes. It was me and Pauline and I would always get “Dishpan Diarrhea” Poor Pauline, patience of a saint. It must have been the age because I remember Claudia having a lot of patience.

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  2. So many trues you will get!

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  3. As my Dad used to say, I resemble that remark.

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  4. dishpan diarrhea. that is wonderful. how about, “it was on sale.”

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    • How could I have forgotten that universal fib???

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  5. I am not even married and I can related to this. FML

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  6. Now that’s funny stuff!

    Hubbs daily fib is “I’ll be right in” when supper’s ready. He’s never right in. We’ve learned to eat without him and he comes in and acts surprised every time – augh!
    MJ

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    • My husband does that too! His “just a second” is right when I’m about to serve dinner. That’s when he decides he must make a “quick” phone call.

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  7. One of my sisters never did a dish in her life because of “Dishpan Diarrhea”. It drove me crazy. Things changed after she married.
    “No, it’s not new. I’ve had it a while.” is a tradition that has been handed down from generation to generation. The trunk of my car was usually full.

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  8. One of my favs is “I saved you money! It was on sale!” If I play my cards right I can sometimes get a free dinner from that “saved money”

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  9. Love these!

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  10. “Dishpan diarrhea” is fabulous! Hubby has his own version, though: “Just leave those dishes and I’ll do them later.” Please note that this is not a lie. Next year is technically “later”…

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  11. I realized Mom was on to me the first time she knocked on the bathroom door and said, “You can come out now, the dishes are done.” I could have replied with “Just one more chapter,” since I always had a book stashed in the bathroom, but it didn’t seem wise.

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  12. Yep. Looks like you covered them all. I heard about Dishpan Diarrhea but didn’t know anyone else had it. I’m killing myself laughing.

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  13. Oh, my gosh! My kids get that illness! Dishpan diarrhea must be a water-born illness!

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  14. My husband’s favorite is “I’m just resting my eyes”. Nope, not sleeping……

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  15. I have had those a long time! Said about shoes / boots I bought at the end of a season but which are timeless and I only wear when they are necessary again in the next (Winter -2- Winter).

    Love Dishpan Diarrhea!

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  16. Dishpan Diarrhea. That’s a new one.
    Then there’s the quirk that only women can locate the dishwasher….it’s got an invisibility cloak or something

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  17. Hahaha! I love all those fibs. Now I have to think of the ones we use too…. there must be more! 🙂

    Like

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  1. The Dishwashing Experience | notquiteold

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