notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Help Wanted

I am interviewing again.

The last time I had an open position, I researched the latest advice on evaluating candidates. Recent studies demonstrated that a person’s smell was just as good an indicator of character as a personality test (Snow White and the Smelly Dwarfs). That took the selection process to a whole new level.

So now that I have another position to fill, I am doing my homework again. I’ve learned that typically, people tend to hire someone exactly like them. But experts advise that for an effective, efficient and creative work environment, you are better off hiring someone different from you.

So.

I have to think about what kind of person I am, and then look for just the opposite.

So.

Who am I?

Looking at myself totally objectively (yeah, right) I am:

Smart

Funny

Liberal

– and, of course –

Stylish.

So.

I need a stupid, serious, conservative, frumpy person.

Now obviously, I can’t hire someone stupid. For one thing, I skipped one attribute of mine – Lazy.  I am much too lazy to cover for a stupid employee.  So instead of lazy, I’ll look for someone industrious.

And organized. I’m pretty disorganized, so someone who can find shit that I have misplaced would be a big help.

And I guess serious is okay. In Accounting, it’s a good thing to want stuff to balance. “Close Enough” is not always the right attitude.

Conservative is tough for me. I am an old Woodstock hippie. But since almost no one else is, I have learned to keep my opinions to myself anyway. (Well, I sort of try.)

Frumpy is easy in Connecticut (Oh my, did I include Snarky in my list of attributes?  Feel free to add it in.)  The easiest way to find my opposite here is to just hire a man.

So.

There it is.  Where can I find a diligent, organized, serious, conservative man?

I got it.

Pope Benedict is looking for work.

No wait.

He’s so stylish.

Pope Benedict, CPA

Pope Benedict, CPA

21 Comments

  1. Wow, I think I fit every single one of your criteria – except stupid, of course. However, I hate accounting really a lot, so please do not hire me.

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    • I don’t have a criteria that you have to like Accounting. No one really likes Accounting. It’s just a very good job because numbers are very quiet and usually just fall into line.

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  2. Maybe you could get one of the guys who didn’t get the Pope job (surely some of them will be looking for work after getting passed over for the ‘big job’). Just make sure you put up a ‘No Robes in the office’ rule!

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    • I think a Pope-Wanna-Be could be perfect. Do you have the address for the College of Cardinals?

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  3. I’ll apply. I am not stupid but I am ditzy, seriously funny,organized in my own way,a conservative liberal or a liberal conservative, depends on where you stand,and I can do frumpy in a artsy sorta way. But wait I live in the south and don’t want to move and I have a job that is almost perfect–it would be perfect if I didn’t have to work when I am there. Anyway never mind. Good luck with the search.

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    • “The job would be perfect if I didn’t thave to work when I am there” – Now that’s an attitude that I can identify with.

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  4. Well, I tend to lose things, especially my glasses and books I’m reading and math is not my strong point except when I am talking about MY money and I fit all the other criteria, but I am NOT a man. Come to think of it, I am retired and like to stay that way. Nice offer and I am sure we would work together quite well. Maybe I’ll just make an appointment for an interview so we can meet and chat. That would be N.I.C.E.

    You are hilarious. Keep up the great work, Nancy.

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  5. I actually heard that a good team is made of this mix of people because you need all the different perspectives they bring. They balance each other out:
    The Visionary – big picture person
    The “Yes” Man – can’t have everyone divided
    Ms. Negativity – thinks about the details and practicalities
    The Lazy One – will find shortcuts to getting the work done. Drives efficiency.

    It makes sense, if you think about it. I once worked on a team of mostly visionaries. They all had such grand ideas, but nothing ever got done.

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    • It’s a small department, but I can perhaps find someone who is visionary and lazy at the same time…. oh wait… that’s me.

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  6. You are so nice and funny and stylish it’s hard to be believe you work in accounting. (No offense to all you numbers folks out there.) I don’t even know where you keep your pocket protector! I once interviewed a woman for an HR job. We had a wonderful time. I wanted to include her in my social circles and go shopping and to happy hour with her. I did not hire her because we wouldn’t get anything done! So I hired someone boring to do the work. Bummer. Oh byw, I thought I saw you at Woodstock. Were you the one dancing on top of the truck in a wet t-shirt?

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    • People are always surprised that I work in Accounting. None more than myself.

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  7. When I worked the counter at Peanut Shack in college, I had a woman come up to the register and ask me if there were any jobs available. She had messy dirty hair, her blouse was dirty and gaped open where a button was missing between her boobs, and her pants didn’t remotely go with her shirt. I said, No, and she handed me a form to sign to prove she had applied for a job. Something to do with unemployment or government assistance. She would be the opposite of you. I am quite sure she is still looking for work.

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    • Job hunting in an inappropriate state is a strategy. You want to be able to say that you looked for work – not that you got work.

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  8. Good luck, Nancy. Trying to find a conservative who can add is a challenge these days.

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  9. I am fairly certain I know how you can find that person, I think it was Elyse who posted it yesterday. You only have to ask one question……Do you watch Faux News and are you in love with a Faux Babe? All the rest, well it will most certainly fall into order.

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  10. Very funny. But is he smelly?

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  11. I interviewed people for years at my last job, each time I went into an interview my criteria changed because the people changed. As the years went by the candidates got worse!! All I really wanted to do was give up. 🙂 Now I’m interviewing for jobs and I hope the interviewers don’t feel the same as I did. Good luck to you.

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  12. I always comment about how a VP called me to set up an interview as her assistant. We had a 2 hour interview. I don’t recall what we talked about but it was the best interview I had. If it was only her I worked for, I’d have followed her where ever she went. Im happy to say she found her calling….Is that job still open? 🙂

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    • Thanks, Doreen! Unfortunately, no assistants any more.

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