notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Order Today!

My email and snail mail are full of birthday cards – all from vendors trying to get me to shop for my birthday. Which isn’t difficult to do, but I do appreciate the discounts.

Most appropriate for my birthday is a catalog I received for the first time this week. I’m not sure how I got on the Harriet Carter list, but I am blaming my husband. He just enrolled in Medicare. So  – oh boy – here’s another crotchety old couple who need crotchety old stuff.

Yes, there exists all kinds of stuff to help me into old age.

Although I was just agonizing over whether platform spike heels would be too agonizing, Harriet thinks this would probably be more appropriate:

bunion regulator

bunion regulator

I admit that I do have a smallish bunion (let me insist please that it is not age-related). Perhaps a bunion regulator might work with just the right stiletto.

For a lot of folks my age, the aches and pains are a little higher than the big toe. So Harriet Carter has also suggested that I think about a more comfortable chair cushion, like this one:

sciatica cushion

sciatica cushion

I’m thinking I could put this in my nice mid-life-crisis convertible. I could still feel young (right?) while making my oldish ass a bit more comfy.

And with the new puffy scarves that are so chic right now, no one will even know that underneath, my old neck is cozily supported:

neck air cushion

neck air cushion

Talk about good timing! I just posted about stray eyebrow hairs.  I see from Harriet Carter that it is only a short time away before they have strayed all the way down to my upper lip.  I never realized that old ladies with mustaches are just victims of VERY stray eyebrow hairs. But Harriet has a fix:

hair remover

hair remover

According to the description, this ‘painless’ spring action fits discreetly in your purse. That’s a relief – if a hair sprouts out at work, I can just whip out my spring and zap it.

Most important in the world of the crotchety is bathroom assistance. And Harriet has plenty of it.

I offer these practical products without comment. They truly speak for themselves:

hygiene refresher

hygiene refresher

toilet tissue aid

toilet tissue aid

toilet footrest

toilet footrest

I figure I will need all three by the end of the year.

I'll need a bathroom tote.

I’ll need a bathroom tote too.

34 Comments

  1. So many things I never knew I needed!

    Like

    • It was hard narrowing it down – there were so many wonderful choices!

      Like

  2. I wonder if I should order one of everything you listed here to have on hand, just in case….my mother always told me that we should always ‘be prepared’… LOL

    Like

  3. My Harriet Carter catalog is sitting near my computer — I was going to post on the ear wax vacuum pictured on the front cover. But you beat me to it. Well done.

    My family has a history of bizarre gift giving. My mother gave incredibly stupid gifts and we have carried on the tradition. Harriet Carter’s catalog is a must in my family.

    Like

    • I had never seen this catalog before. I didn’t have any idea what I was missing.
      And certainly you can do a whole post (or even two) on ear-wax vacuums.

      Like

      • I get one of their catalogs every couple of weeks. I’ll just give it a rest until I need fodder.

        I did once buy a housewarming gift for my nephew from there. It was a combination ice-melter, get the grass out from between the cracks in the concrete tool. A BLOW TORCH! He was speechless.

        Like

  4. The only thing worse than getting a Harriet Carter catalog was getting the “Making things easier” one in the mail a couple of days ago. You don’t even want to know what is in there!!

    Fun post! MJ

    Like

    • I couldn’t wait to see… so I googled. Glow-In-The-Dark Doorknobs – that’s for me!

      Like

      • It’s horrific and mesmerizing, all in one!! 🙂

        Like

  5. Oh this is scary all right! But Happy Birthday if your birthday’s near and BTW, you can get some very elegant totes nowadays for all your upcoming bathroom aids! 🙂

    Like

    • I am trying to decide the right price point for a bathroom tote.Do you think a Vivienne Westwood for $704.00 would be overdoing it?

      Like

  6. Glory be…I’m gobsmacked. All these barbarick implements are available and no-one said a thing to ME. Thank you Nancy for opening up a whole new world for me. That sciatica cushion would have come in handy a couple of weeks ago when I friend had a ‘problem’. Truly it’s not me. Her husband found some sheets of kind of styrofoam product and cut out the back for his wife like this contraption. If only I had known…Ha ha.

    Like

  7. I didn’t order it from the Harriet Carter catalog, but I actually DID order that bunion gadget. (If your bunion starts hurting badly enough, you’ll try anything.) I’d pay money to see someone wear it while wearing shoes….

    Like

    • DId it work? (my left big toe would appreciate me doing something about this….)

      Like

      • Well, my “bunion-itis” seems to come and go, so I’m not sure if the apparatus helped, or if it was just time for the pain to (temporarily) leave. Thank goodness, it’s not constant, or I’d be looking into surgery.

        Like

  8. LOL – Thanks for the education…I didn’t know these products existed. The toilet tissue aid looks like it could do, um, double “dooty” with the Scrubbing Bubbles cleaning pad…just sayin’… 🙂

    Like

    • Scrubbling Bubbles applied to this aid would make you really clean too….

      Like

  9. Ah, the slings and arrows of outrageous catalogues. And really, a lot of those things do look like slings and arrows – or something equally dangerous. You’re much too young for any of them. Happy birthday!

    Like

    • I’m seriously considering the bunion regulator. Perhaps if it comes in leopard print.

      Like

  10. The neck air cushion was facinating! I can only imagine the looks one would get when wearing that out to lunch! But, then again, think of all the entertainment value it has when you start pumping it up in front of friends and family!

    Like

    • I’m not sure how it would feel different than a boa constrictor.

      Like

  11. I want my own catalog! Look at that neck thingum, do they come in gold? I might want one of those. The portable bidet, that is the bomb I was thinking of a remodel but now, well it appears my problem is solved.

    Gad so many new toys. Happy birthday

    Like

  12. Happy Birthday! I was fascinated with the….ummm….hygiene refresher. I definitely think that could do double duty!

    Like

    • I was thinking it could be a combo hygiene refresher and turkey baster.

      Like

      • Not what I was thinking by a long shot! (Of course, I just read 50 Shades of Grey so you have to cut me some slack. It will be a while before I’m normal again.)

        Like

  13. That model for the “contraptions” deserves an award…maintaining a smile while wearing a coiled snake around her neck. That thing looks like the snake my husband uses to clear out the drains.

    Like

  14. Are you sure you got the name of the catalogue right? These look like they belong in some Gothic Torture Magazine or maybe some weird S & M magazine. I hope I never get on that catalogue list.

    Like

  15. My mother used to get that catalog…I’d forgotten all about it. My brother used to use it for inspiration for his own “inventions”.

    Like

  16. The toilet footrest looks painful. Wouldn’t a little extra bran cereal be more pleasant and effective?

    Like

  17. I think I need to get that catalog–it could give me a year’s worth of blog posts. Thank you so much! Scary, but I can imagine needing that stuff down the road. Sigh.
    Happy Birthday!

    Like

  18. Does Harriet Carter sell anything for ladies who laugh so hard their faces hurt? The comments are as funny as the post. I know I can always count on you to cheer me up whether I need it or not! Happy Birthday!

    Like

  19. i’m between laughter and utter and complete horror!

    Like

  20. Oh. My. Goodness. Thanks goodness I was wearing my Harriet Carter combination thong/Depends undergarment when I read this.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: