Nancy Roman

Is There A Pattern Here?

I love patterns.

I don’t mean patterns as in stripes and polka dots. Although come to think of it, there’s nothing that can cheer me up like a pretty floral cardigan.

No, in this case I mean patterns as in pleasing structured compositions.

Relationship. Order.

I feel great when kids walk in pairs. Even better when they are in school uniforms. Holding hands.

My favorite parking space is between two cars the same silver color as mine. But still better if I can park next to the same model car. Separated at birth, they can catch up while I shop.

I like an interesting balance. If I wear a nice big watch on my left wrist, I like three bracelets on my right wrist. And I certainly want to sit next to the person whose clothes complement my color scheme. No clashing for me.

I enjoy finding patterns in what I see. Numbers in order. (which is fortunately helpful in Accounting, which is unsurprisingly how I make a living.)

Words within words. Names that go together. When Grace talks to Kelly it makes my whole day. My husband has friends named Roy and Dale. I could listen to him talk about his friends for hours (when usually I hardly listen to him at all).

I also like a deal. Give me a sale, a gift with purchase, a tag sale find.

So I hit the jackpot this week.

LivingSocial has sent me some great offers that display that satisfying cohesion. (They were even in these neat Mondrian rectangles. How soothing is that!)

First:  I can get two treatments for toe fungus. I’m not sure whether that is two treatments on both my feet, one treatment on each foot, or whether I have to choose two toes. I don’t want to play favorites or anything, but my big toes are campaigning hard.

Next:  A Paintball Getaway. Six friends; all day. I would rather not shoot paint at my friends. Can I invite some enemies? Maybe my old boss? Can I ensure that I am the only one armed?  Can I shoot instead at cars that pass me on the right? What about the little asshole who answers her phone in the middle of Zumba class?

Then:  There’s a fabulous offer for a two-day colonic cleanse. I am sure this refreshing and enjoyable. I am sure it is very different from the colonoscopy I had in April. For one thing, the cleanse process includes a chocolate mousse.

And:  I can buy some horseback riding lessons. The program is called “Train To Trot.” This meshes nicely with the cleanse. I went horseback riding once on a business retreat in Arizona. My horse was what they call ‘spirited’. My ass was not.

Oh, LivingSocial has created a pleasing symmetry in its offers.

And to unite these offers into one amazing, perfect pattern of a  package, I also get $20 to buy a Wall Word. This is a wonderful graphic to express my deepest emotions.

And I know just what word to buy:


  1. Perfect Wall Word! (Still laughing over Train To Trot….)


  2. Teresa Cleveland Wendel

    This post reveals so much about you in your wry, characteristic style. I especially liked this:
    My favorite parking space is between two cars the same silver color as mine. But still better if I can park next to the same model car. Separated at birth, they can catch up while I shop.


    • I guess I just empathize with my car. I hate to park near a better car – I don’t want it to feel bad. Or a cleaner car.


  3. Fabulous post! And what great coupons! The most interesting coupon I have gotten was for 50% off pole dancing lessons. I wish I was kidding.


    • Were there good complementary offers? Like Clorox pop-ups?


  4. I am giggling while I am pointing at your wall word. So the question is will you do the horseback or the cleanse first?


    • I think it would be safer for the cleanse first. Before the paintball too. I wouldn’t want to accidentally squirt when I got squirted.


  5. I love the practice of looking for patterns and symmetry. I think this is way more common than any of us realize. I don’t do any of the things you mention, but I certainly have my own list of “quirks”.


  6. I think if you check your email you may be able to do all of this in Morocco. Why not add adventure? Fun post!


    • I think Morocco would be the perfect location for toenail fungus treatment!


  7. Haha, I just have to come back and say that when I left your site to visit my email, the top new mail is from Living Social. Spider veins be gone! I’m so sad that it’s a day late and not included in your patters:)


  8. Now I’m depressed. All I ever get are offers for laser hair removal. Sigh.


  9. I really think it best I don’t mention the kind of offers I get. Yes, you could say there is a certain symmetry in them – but to take advantage of that symmetry, I’d have to be a hermaphrodite 😉


    • Your spam filter needs a good talkin’-to.


  10. It’s hard for me to pick a favorit tid bit from this one…so many! But, I choose “My horse was what they call ‘spirited’. My ass was not.”


    • The term ‘ass’ actually represented all of my nether region. I had bruises where no lady should have bruises.


  11. I had a colonoscopy yesterday and your post made me laugh out loud. No more cleanses at ANY price for me!


  12. Someone actually answers her cell during a zumba class? You have my permission to bean her with a zumba toning stick


  13. I noticed one of these patterns last weekend while flipping through the TV. TLC had a show called Extreme Couponing. People spend the better part of their lives clipping coupons then buying vast quantities of items they have coupons for. They showed these people’s home store rooms with 40 tubes of toothpaste, 25 rolls of aluminum foil etc. What was ironic is that the show following Extreme Couponing was Hoarders.


  14. I’m tongue-tied for the first time. I’ not sure what to add…but I AM thinking about it.—hmm.


  15. lol


  16. You’re a master of finding the humor in even the most ordinary of things that cross all of our desks. Me too – I look for patterns..but somehow never thought to look here!!! Terrific..:-)!


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