notquiteold

Nancy Roman

Gullible’s Travails

I am a marketer’s dream.

Cream that evaporates my wrinkles.  Absolutely.

Conditioner that makes my hair thick.  Yes, I believe.

Teeth Whiteners, Lip Plumpers, Toe Straighteners (don’t ask; I need them), Nail Growers.   Oh, please, let me try some.  Here’s my money.

And now I’ve hit the pinnacle.  Or maybe not.  Maybe there is even more gullibility in me still.  Here’s my money.

I just bought what I swore (just last month) was the stupidest fashion item I had ever seen.  Till I bought it, of course.

I bought jeans with whiskering.  That’s right. That’s what they call it: Whiskering.  Creases have been dyed into the crotch and thighs.  Giving you that “years of too-tight” look.

When I saw them in the store, I was both amused and appalled.  Why would I want jeans that look like my thighs are screaming to bust out?

But…they are the cut of the season.  I wanted those skinny crops that are kind of an Audrey Hepburn look.  No more wide-legged crops, that are more of a high-water Katharine Hepburn look.

The skinny look – skinny all the way to the shins – is just perfect for a platform sandal.  And I love my platform sandals.  They lengthen my legs and make me look very slim.  I tend to fall off of them once in a while on uneven pavement, but I look quite svelte on the way down.

Right shape, right fit – but I would never ever go for the whiskers.  Never.

But they were on sale.

In the August issue, Lucky Magazine  said of whiskered jeans: “You’ll look crazy cute on date night.”

Well, that clinched it.  Here’s my money.

I am a marketer’s dream.

I definitely want to look crazy cute on date night.

Did I mention that I’m sixty?

18 Comments

  1. bigsheepcommunications

    I’m impressed that you’re having a date night, no matter what you’re wearing!

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    • I’m going to the early bird special at the local pizza parlor! We’ll be the youngest couple there….being under eighty.

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      • bigsheepcommunications

        Ooh, you wild thang!

        Like

  2. Oh, this is too funny! I haven’t bought a pair like this yet (who am I kidding — I’m not crazy about wearing cat’s whiskers around my thighs!), but if they’re “crazy cute for date night,” well, ya just gotta have ’em!

    Like

  3. Love your sense of humour (humor)! You should definitely take a picture of yourself in your new ‘whiskered’ crops and let the world see how cute you will be on date night. And hey, even sixty-year-olds deserve to look cute!

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  4. Age is only a number. Knock yourself out with crinkle jeans!

    Like

  5. Please write a blog post on toe straighteners.

    Like

  6. I’m a marketers dream also. You’ve definitely sold the whiskery jeans to me. Where do I get them???

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    • You can get them everywhere… what you can’t seem to get is unwhiskery jeans.

      Like

  7. Yes! You will be crazy cute!

    Like

    • sarahplainnsimp

      ohemgee! i read that remembering in the back of my head what i thought your age to be. i have already told you how OLD i am. just today i found myself wondering, again, if it is time to throw in the towel. throw out the ripped jeans that i adore. out the make up. out the hair spray, glue, gel, curl booster. oh, and any hope for another date. ever. YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH HOPE! i hope i am still rockin ripped jeans and heels (or pink chuck taylor’s) AND dating in twenty years. you go on with your bad self!!!

      p.s. really i’d like to finally get married some day. before the next twenty years blink by.

      Like

      • I married for the first time when I was forty. Twenty years ago. It’s working for me!

        Like

  8. Okay, I know about the kind of whiskers most “not quite old” women get and it’s not on their jeans. I laughed a lot at this post!

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  9. All of my jeans look like that. Clearly the Jenny Craig marketers are not hitting their mark with me. Bet you were the hottest girl at the pizza parlor.

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  10. You’re hilarious but hopeful. What would we have if not hope and the jeans, and makeup and so on and so on. Hits close to home. Thanks .

    Like

  11. But when will muffin tops be the hot, trendy look of the moment? That’s what I’m waiting for.

    Like

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