Theo
I haven’t written in a really long time.
I’ve been putting all my energy into my art. I’ve been painting several times a week, and teaching watercolor workshops that have energized me in a totally new way. I’ve never taken so much joy in seeing other people succeed. No wonder teachers accept low pay and hard work. (They shouldn’t – but now I know why they do.)
Adults come to my workshop saying “I don’t know why I’m here – I don’t have any artistic talent.” And they leave saying, “I’m going to buy a frame on the way home.”
And the kids! They are so creative and mostly pay no attention to instructions. And I love them for it. I said to one kid, “That’s really good.” And he said, “It’s perfect.”
Just look at this. The same dog painted by a mom and her 10-year-old son. Both adult and child know how to portray love.
But that’s not the only reason why I haven’t written.
I let too much time go by because I couldn’t share my sad news. And then, after so many months, I didn’t know how to share it.
My dog died.
My Theo.
He was only eight.
Three years ago, Theo contracted hepatitis. It caused severe liver damage. But he hung in there. Having many good days – a lot more good days than bad. But last summer the balance swung the other way. His good days diminished.
We let him go in October.
It was one of the hardest decisions we ever had to make. How do you know when it is time? What if he can rally again? The vet didn’t push us. But she did make it clear on his last visit that he was not going to get better. “How much worse do you want him to get?” she said. “He’s ready when you are.”
Two weeks later, after a terrible day, we called the euthanasia vet. She came to the house.
This photo was taken about an hour before Theo stopped hurting. I am telling Theo and Henry that we would all be okay.
And in some ways we are – okay.
But in other ways, not.
I am not okay.
The grief for a pet is a terrible thing. It is so unfair that they have shorter lives than us. We always have to say goodbye. And the feeling of “it’s only a pet” – that you should not feel as badly as you do adds to the heartache. Because somehow you are embarrassed. Ashamed that your heart is broken over an animal.
I lost a dog years ago. My dog Sarge. He was seventeen and he was ready. Saying goodbye to an old pet who has lived a long happy live is hard enough. But Theo was only eight. His breed’s normal life expectancy is sixteen. I wanted him for sixteen years. He deserved sixteen years.
And Henry is not okay. I thought – hoped – that his grief would be short-lived. But it’s now summer again and he’s still depressed and listless.
But do we get another dog? Will a new dog help us and help Henry? What if Henry doesn’t want a new brother or sister? How will the cats respond? Are we too old to take on another pet? The vet told us that no one is too old for pets – but that we should already have an understanding with our friends and relatives about what should happen if we die.
And realistically, having two dogs and three cats was a lot of work. Do I want to take that on again? Is it selfish to even think that? Am I a terrible person if I admit that life is easier without a dog who was sick for several years?
But I see puppies and I’m tempted. I see rescue dogs finding love again and I cry.
I cry for lonely Henry too.
And most of all, I still cry for Theo. How long is it okay to grieve for a dog?
notquiteold 
Dear Nancy
Will you accept a very gentle hug?
Although I am no longer on X, I was when you shared with us the unthinkable.
Of course you’re not ok. Of course you are heartbroken.
Theo was not ‘only a pet’. He was family.
The depth of grief we feel when a fur family member passes is immeasurable, hard enough , as you say, when they have had a long, happy, life, let alone when the end comes sooner than it should.
No you are not selfish, and no, you are not a terrible person for thinking and feeling the way you do. You’re allowed to feel that way and miss that little guy so hard, it hurts. Your feelings are your own.
And how long is it okay to grieve for a dog? As long as you feel grief.
There are no rules. Only heart-felt empathy, dear Nancy.
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I am so, so sorry, and shed a tear or ten for you and Henry and Theo’s dad and the cats. Our Rudy is eight also, and some days I look at him and see the gray on his muzzle and eyebrows, I see the age spots on the belly that used to be round and pink and without blemish, I see him slowing down, and fear and dread creep in. Then I shake myself and know he doesn’t question my gray hair and age spots and slow movements, so we give each other love and enjoy the days we have.
Wishing warm wishes for all who loved Theo and all Theo loved.
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oh how I cried when my beloved cat had to be put down. I howled. The grief went on and on. We did try finding a rescue animal, but it was just not meant to be. My heart goes out to you.
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Nancy, I am so sorry for your grief and the loss of your dear family member. As a follower of Theo-sophy, it hurts to know that my little friend who always had such wise thoughts and made me smile, is gone. I can only thank you for sharing him with us while he was here.
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I am sorry. When I lost one of my beloved cats 4 years ago, I adopted another a few months later. Now I’m at a stage (or age) that I won’t add another. It’s a strange downsizing. I will always have a pet but not the multiples I love with all it’s chaos. Not only is there more work (and expense and heartbreak) but I need to make sure they have a good life if I’m gone. It’s good to hear that you are enjoy life.
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Up until 5 years ago and at age 66, I had never ever owned a dog. A can yes, but not a dog. Otis, a chi weenie, is a rescue and wasn’t even supposed to be mine. Linda had come to live with me after the breakup of her 39 year marriage. She and Cliff had always owned 2 dogs. She came to me lonely and missing her pups she had left home in Bristol. SO she found Otis. Right before we went to pick him up she developed pneumonia. Relegated to her room for 2 weeks, Otis became mine. He is definitely my BFF and pray how hard it would be if I passed first or vice versa. I have told myself if he were to pass I definitely would not get another dog as I know my grief will be brutal as it would be for my dear dog. So that’s my decision but it may not be what’s right for you. I think all your followers grew to love Theo and my strong Christianity tells me Jesus is lovin’ on sweet Theo now.
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Oh, I’m so sorry. Somehow I knew before I even opened the post. I had a pair of fawn greyhounds, we lost Alan Alda to bone cancer at barely 9 almost four years ago, I still cry when I think about it. Our remaining dog eventually became very happy as an only dog but never really regained her confidence. You’ll know what to do when the time is right.
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Dear Nancy, Your posts have been missed, and like the commenter above I had a feeling before I opened your post…. My heart breaks for you. My 10-year-old blue heeler, if we’re lucky, has a few more good years, and I dread the day I have to make that decision, or inevitability makes it for me. If there is any comfort, it’s knowing Theo had the best life, and he knew he was loved. Sending you and Henry and the family hugs, and know that you are in my thoughts.
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These are agonizing conversations running through your mind. Best wishes at this time.
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I am pleased to read that you have enjoyed teaching the workshops but so sad to read about Theo, deciding to end his suffering would have been so hard and now poor Henry he would be missing Theo. I am sending a virtual hug
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Oh Nancy, I am so so very sorry! I know exactly how your feel. Losing a beloved pet is like losing family, sometimes worse. It’ll be four years come November we lost Maggie. It still hurts and we still ask ourselves if we called it too early, but that last day was awful for her, and we were only delaying the inevitable. She didn’t deserve it. I also know how it feels to lose one when you have a second. Dogs feel grief and it was one reason I got Kizzy way back in 1988 as Toad (Sam, the collie) was pining for his friend. My heart goes out to you all.
Such lovely portraits of Theo. Such happy memories of a pup much loved. 💕
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oh God. so sorry about Theo, and how long is it okay to grieve for the lost of a beloved dog? i wouldn’t know as this article reduced me to tears again thinking of our Frosty, lost Jan 2023 on her 17th birthday. i thought we would have her a little longer. i’ve tried (to get past it). ended up getting a rescue (hubby’s choice), an ex-breeder last oct. obviously her first home with caring humans.
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Nancy I miss Theo too. I loved seeing him and reading his wise thoughts. We had to help our Pete cross the bridge last October too. I will never get over missing him. Hugs 🤗
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This is the very first I have read about Theo and I am truly sorry for your loss. I had wondered why I’d seen/heard nothing from you in quite some time and this certainly explains it. My deepest sympathies.
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There is no time limit to grief. Everyone does it in their own time and only you will know if and when you’re ready for another family member. Theo was so very special. As is Henry, who is also grieving in his own time and his own way. Sending you all so much comfort as you continue your process.
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I am so sorry to hear about Theo. It is unfair that their lives are so much shorter than ours.
After my dog, Cindy, died 2 years ago I didn’t plan on getting another dog. I live with my sister now and she already had two of her own. I also worried that a new dog might outlive me. Then, early this year my sister lost one of her dogs, Toby, at 13. We worried that Teddy was lonely and two months ago she got a puppy. Teddy, to be honest is not that thrilled but we hope when Brodie is a bit older and less excitable they will be friends.
As to how long is OK to grieve for a pet, as long as you need to. Pets are family too.
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We have been through three such losses. It takes time to heal… We have Rosie now and she is three years old. I still cry sometimes when I remember my former fur babies but I have Rosie to cheer me up. Take whatever time you need.
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I remember when you told us about Theo’s passing. Even though I never met him, I was so sad because I always looked forward to Theo-sophy. I miss that little guy who I never met. I have been through 3 such losses. We have one more furbaby left but he’s 16 yrs old. His time is coming close. You can grieve as long as you need to without being embarrassed. Theo was part of your family and you have every right to grieve as long as you need to.
Pat
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I’m so sorry. I’ve been through this twice. I still call their names by accident at times even years later. You will always feel the loss and that’s ok; grief is evidence of love, after all. 🙂
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