I love Facebook quizzes.
Where else can you learn what your Hippie name should be? Or what other people find attractive about you? Or who you were in a previous life? Or what type of vegetable is truly your soulmate?
And who knew that all these important insights could be gleaned by answering a few simple questions about your favorite color, childhood imaginary friend, and late night drink?
Last week I took an amazing quiz:
What Is Your Sixth Sense?
I told the quiz-maestro my secret teenage crush and identified my hobbies and certain cloud formations, and Presto!
My Sixth Sense: An uncanny ability to sense when something bad is going to happen!
And – Oh My God!!!!
It’s so true!
All my life, I’ve been able to predict bad things!
I was seven the first time I became aware of this special ability. I was in second grade and coming back from our scheduled bathroom break. My teacher had taken the boys over to their side of the rest rooms, and the other second trade teacher accompanied us girls. We were marching back to our classroom, and we were a little noisy and not exactly in perfect single file, as the teacher required. And she said, “Now girls, walk like ladies.” And for some reason I thought this was hilarious. And I began to sashay with an exaggerated swagger – sort of a cross between a streetwalker and the Queen of England (although at the time, I didn’t have the vaguest idea of who either of those two were).
And then I noticed the teacher watching me.
And I thought to myself: I don’t think she will find this amusing.
And guess what???
Oh yeah, I could predict bad things.
Here’s another astounding example:
In my sophomore year of college, I went to a peace demonstration instead of reading Macbeth even though I knew I had an exam the next day. I figured that since I read it in high school it would come back to me and I could fake my way through the test. Nothing terrible happened at the peace rally (which was a bit of a disappointment – I kind of wanted to be arrested), but I was still glad I went and expressed my opposition to the Vietnamese War.) And the next day I went to my Shakespeare class and came face-to-face with my utter lack of any memory of Macbeth. But I could see the future.
I thought to myself: I may not get a great grade on this exam.
And I was right!
Then there was the time I was driving down a hill in icy blinding snow. And my car started to skid sideways. Then it did a complete 180 and I was sliding backwards towards the intersection.
I thought to myself: This may not end well.
How prescient is that?
I can foresee bad things in my work life too.
Ten years ago I had a very horrible boss. And after a dismal year of trying to please her and never ever succeeding, I had my review. She told me I had no management skills at all – which was true, but I had never found that to be much of a problem, since I had always just disguised my lack of executive ability by hiring really good people and then leaving them alone. But this particular boss didn’t appreciate my solution. She said that I needed to me more like her. And in a moment of irrational frankness, I said, “But I don’t want to be more like you.”
And I thought to myself: This may not be good for my career.
And a few years ago, I had yet another incredible psychic experience.
I woke early one Easter Sunday morning and decided to surprise my husband with fresh blueberry pancakes. As I was taking the eggs, milk, and maple syrup out of the refrigerator, I lost my grip on one of those items. Each one has its own messy potential.
It was the maple syrup. The half-gallon jug of maple syrup. And as it slipped from my fingers…
I thought to myself: This could be difficult to clean up.
That quiz was right! I’m clairvoyant!