Over my 63 years, men have said some memorable things to me.
So I present to you my
Best Pick-Up Line:
I go all the way back to 1969 for this one, I was hanging around at the end of my summer job shift with some other teenagers, and I was wearing my coolest Mod Squad outfit. It was a mini-jumpsuit. A short-short kind of onesie with long sleeves, a big collar and a hip-hugger belt.
And one of the guys remarked on my outfit. He said, “I like your get-up.What do you call it?”
And another guy that I didn’t even realize might like me said, “Mine.”
Now after forty-five years, I may not be as keen on a man declaring me as his possession, but at the time, I thought, “wow.”
(This was not spoken to me, but reported to me)
My husband and his brother were invited to some man-thing for the weekend. My brother-in-law did not think his then-wife would be happy about it.
My husband said, “Just tell her you want to go. She wants you to have fun – she’ll understand.”
And my brother-in-law answered, “That’s easy for you to say. You’re married to Nancy.”
This is definitely the prize for most offensive Man-Words.
I was the business manager of a cable system. I had come from the health care industry, so although I was a good accountant and budgeter, I was still learning some of the technical aspects. So the regional engineer comes in for a meeting, and uses some term I did not quite understand. So – wanting to gain as much knowledge as possible, I said:
“Can you explain that, please?”
And big-shot engineer said:
“It’s complicated, honey.”
Biggest Generation-Gappiest Line:
At my next job, I was budgeting for that humongous sports network (you know the one). But in 1990, not everyone was computer savvy – especially some of the old-guard salesmen. And there was one guy – probably the oldest guy at this very young company – who was a sales manager to cable affiliates. I kept sending him his budgets to update, and I never got them back. So I gave him a call.
“Al, where are your budgets? I sent them to you weeks ago.”
“I got your emails, but I didn’t see any budgets.”
“They were attached. At the bottom of the email. Do you see the attachments?”
“I see a bunch of little pirate ships,” Al said.
If you remember the old version of excel… email attachments looked like this:
Funniest Line of All Time:
I don’t think anything for the rest of my life will top this:
Back to 1981: I was thirty and still single, and I was seriously considering having a baby. I really wanted to be a mother and I didn’t want to wait any longer. I was looking into adoption, and word got around the office.
One of my co-workers sat down opposite me at the lunch table one day.
He said, “I heard that you want to have a baby. And I wanted to let you know that if you want, I would do it for you.”
“Joe,” I said, “I wouldn’t let you within ten feet of me.”
Without missing a beat, Joe said, “I could do it from there.”