The other day I was getting ready for work, and my hair and makeup came out especially nice – very rare indeed. And I loved what I was wearing, which was just a black v-neck long-sleeved tee (but that’s my favorite thing to wear with jeans).
So after I made the bed, I documented my satisfactory appearance with a quick selfie. Okay, about 20 selfies, but this one was pretty nice:
I need a photo for my book jacket, and I thought this might be a contender. I look happy and I would just need a little photoshop for the undereye wrinkles.
So I uploaded the photo to my Facebook site, to get some opinions.
And I did! Most people thought I looked pretty nice – and young – and you can’t get much better than that.
But book-jacket material. No way.
“Too grainy” (that’s atmosphere)
“Too dark” (that’s atmosphere)
“This is in your bedroom, for God’s Sake!” (okay, that may be too much atmosphere)
“This is your novel. You first novel. Maybe your only novel. Your precious baby. Have a professional photo done.”
And so I scouted around the internet for someone nearby who could do it right away.
And whose pictures made ordinary people look pretty. (and young) I found a great photographer who can take me tomorrow.
And now I am stressing.
Because according the photographer, I need:
* Two outfits. I figured I would just wear my beloved black v-neck. Do you think my grey v-neck would constitute two outfits?
* Nice jewelry. That’s an easy one. With my black v-neck, I like the small gold seahorse necklace my husband bought for me on a business trip he took without me to Las Vegas. (Yea for guilt.)
* My nails looking good. This confuses me. I want a head shot. I don’t think it will be one where I am playing peek-a-boo. But I will do my nails right after I finish typing.
* My makeup with me. I guess a small suitcase would work.
And according to the internet (just google ‘tips for looking great in photos’), I need:
* Makeup without sunscreen. It appears that sunscreen can get white-looking under flash photography. So of course I have six different foundations. They all have sunscreen. That’s what you are supposed to wear. So I went out and bought makeup made especially for photography. The internet says that you can use a good book jacket photo for about seven years. I hope that new foundation has a long expiration date.
* Contour. I haven’t used contour since 1987. But I need to use contour around my hairline and down the sides of my nose, or my face will look very flat. I figured I could just use a swipe of my bronzer, until I read that it has to be matte. No shimmer. All bronzer has shimmer – that’s how you get bronze. But I found a matte cream to powder foundation in brown. I might get to use it again if I get really really tan.
* Ditto for matte eye shadow. I recently bought a 14 color palette. One shade is matte. But I wanted a choice, so I bought some more.
* Ditto for matte blush. I have 8 blushes in my bathroom. One is matte. Luckily, it is one I like.
*Powder. You need to set all this makeup. I have some loose powder. I bought it in 1987. So now I have another new powder – pressed not loose – which reminds me of what my mother used in 1957. This one should last me until 2027.
* Teeth whitening. In my mouth right this minute. I am multitasking.
* White eyeliner to line the inside edge of my eyes to make my eyes look bigger and whiter. I have one of these. It came in a sample box of makeup. I didn’t know what to do with it. But now I do.
* Murine. To get the red out.
* Lip liner. I refuse. It is NOT 1987. But I have a nice lipstick I love that is quite matte and makes a clean line. And gloss for just the center of my lip. I have Chapstick. Close enough.
* False eyelashes. I have some. They are a bit droopy after a few wears. So I bought new. Self-adhesive they claim. I hope so – or they might fall off at an inopportune moment.
* Eyebrow pencil. I have fallen in love with eyebrow pencil lately so I’m all set.
*Great hair. Shiny but not too shiny. Full but not too full. Sprayed but not sprayed. Framing my face but not hiding my face. It will never happen.
And I have an evening appointment, so I also need to remove all the makeup I’ve worn during the day and start fresh. With primer of course, which happily I have.
I am going to have to leave work early.
I can’t believe I thought I looked good enough in the selfie.