Nancy Roman

Steppin’ Out With My Baby (Toes)

(Note:  About two months ago, I read a blog about feet, and ever since, I’ve been worried about mine.  I looked for that blog again, but I can’t seem to find it.  So if those were your original feet – this is dedicated to you.)

Some of my body parts have held up rather well for sixty years.  My calves are pretty nice.  I have beautiful wrists.  And although my left eye has recently let me down, my right eye is keeping up its end.

These are my feet. They have not aged well.

feet.  The left one is on the left.  The right one is the other one.

My Feet. The left one is on the left. The right one is the other one. The toes are not naturally orchid, except when I am cold.

You may be distracted by the size of my ankles.  I could say it’s the lighting or the angle or even water retention, but it’s just my ankles. They are really that thick.  Always have been.  Several years ago, when ankle bracelets were big, mine were BIG.

But I’m not complaining about my ankles.  I’m used to them.

And try to ignore the strange tan lines. I have weirdly shaped flip-flops that I wear constantly in the summer.  These $5.00 rubber drugstore sandals fit me better than any of the hundreds of shoes in my closet.

And if you’re guessing those developing bunion bumps are my problem. Nope.  They’re annoying but manageable.

It’s my toes.

My pinky toes have decided to hide underneath their neighbors. Sure, I’m saving big money polishing only eight nails, but piggy shyness is damned uncomfortable.  I’m steppin’ on my own toes.

So I bought toe straighteners.

I have a pair. The other one is similar.

You start with five minutes a day and gradually increase to straighten out your toes.  As you can see, there seems to be a little discrepancy between the size of my foot and the size of the straightener.  But with a little work, I can get my toes in there.  (The straighteners are bendy, and thanks to yoga, so am I.)

I can wear them and multitask.  I can watch TV or check my Blog.  I can snack.  I just can’t get up to answer the phone.

It’s working I think.  But I woke up this morning with a new worry.  Maybe I shouldn’t want them to work.

These are the shoes I am wearing to my nephew’s wedding.

But with my toe straighteners, maybe I’ll need a different shape.


  1. Thats amazing. I have come across women who small toe was curled up under the next, which I always blamed on their passion for odd shaped shoes. I’ve never heard of a toe straghtener though. It looks hilarious. I hope it works for you.


  2. grannyslittleapples

    Toe straighteners? Wow, I’ve never even heard of them, but what a good idea! The flipper pumps are hilarious!


  3. So so funny! My daughter Carla says she would never allow her feet to get the kind of striped tan that mine get!!! So so funny!


  4. You just made me spew my tea! Please do the fashion world a favour and hide those flipper shoes, or we’ll be seeing them on the runways in Milan. LOL! ;-D


  5. Oh, LOL, LOL, LOL!

    I have long wondered why pointy-toed shoes are made to fit a shape that is the exact OPPOSITE of actual feet. But God help me, I love a pointy toe. (I blame Stacey and Clinton for this).


  6. Giggles! Best of luck to you! I have hideous feet and they will no longer fall into a pair of pointy toe shoes. I blame it on the comfort of UGGs.


  7. Amazing that you can still wear such dainty and pointed shoes!!! Always a good laugh. Yes – maybe you should re-think the toe-separators…:-)


  8. Love the blue shoes. I guarantee if you wear then to your nephew’s wedding, you’ll turn heads. Do you have a matching, diamond-encrusted snorkel?


  9. wordsfallfrommyeyes

    I have never heard of anything like toe straighteners. I wonder if they’ll work though, since you’ve had your feet the way they are for XX years. But you know, I don’t think your feet are ugly! I don’t think you should worry. Interesting blog – never read one about feet before…


  10. I love this because I am very hung up on my feet. I have a heck of a time buying shoes because my feet are so wide.


  11. The Flipper shoes are amazing! Made me snort when I saw them. Great post. I have brick feet. I am extremely tall. My center of gravity does not allow me to maintain my balance while on tiptoe. I curse Stacy and Clinton for making me lust for stilettos with pointed toes. Life is completely unfair.


  12. Snoring Dog Studio

    Toe straighteners? And I spent a few thousand to have my bunions surgically repaired! (And that was PAINFUL rehab.) I like the idea. Keep with it. As far as Stacy, I do like her, but I never ever believed her when she said every woman could find a pair of pointy stilettos that are comfortable to wear. Yeah, like for about 1 second.


  13. Margie

    The flipper shoes make as much sense as many of the stilettos I’ve seen women wear…


  14. You are too funny! I also spewed my tea. Thank you for the laugh. I needed to clean my ‘puter screen anyway.


  15. It’s sad but the flipper shoes appeal to me. I hate squished toes.


  16. A bout of insomnia brought me over here, and I’m glad it did! I found another reason to laugh, although at 4 a.m., it’s too dark out for my feet to get a tan! We have so much in common: we are both 60, both dislike our feet, we both have “cankles” – will the similarities ever end! Perhaps you are a long-lost twin my folks never told me about!

    Anyway back in the Spring of 2010 I wrote a post about my big feet. Here’s the link to that post about a wonderful afternoon at the podiatrist’s office:

    Thanks for the blog visit! I’ll be back to visit you again. . .love your blog! I wish you enough!


  17. Ha! I had no idea toe straighteners OR flipper heels existed. (I am also a fan of the pointy-toed shoes, and am fairly certain it led to last year’s fun new game, Where’d My Big Toenail Go?)


    • I still have my big toenails, but they are getting lumpy.


  18. I have the same pinky toe. As much as it pains me to say this, mine is a bit more exaggerated and only a sliver of a nail. I have never meet anyone else that has the same pinky toe as me, until you. Even the three kids I popped out, did not inherit this tiny flaw in an otherwise perfect appendage. Okay, not so perfect. I have to tell myself that so I will not be self conscious when I wear my awesome, been Gorilla glued back together for the last 7 years, favorite flip flops. Cute post.


  19. My toes are rebelling, too. The middle three are twisting and leaning and making shoes generally uncomfortable. I hadn’t seen the things you’re trying, but sometimes I tape my three inner piggies together so that they have to fight each other if they want to wander off. (Tough love.)

    I must tell you that I was looking back at some of your older posts and the one about Donatella Versace hit me because I was just looking at some online photos of her earlier in the week. Money can buy a lot of things and frankly, I’d have thought that a good plastic surgeon would be one of them. Poor lady! It doesn’t even stop there. The pictures of her boob job are the stuff of nightmares.

    I wonder if she’s had foot surgery.


  20. I like your style of writing. It made me laugh out loud, which doesn’t always happen. Thanks!


  21. I have the same pinky situation. Loved the image of flipper shoes. PERFECT for your post!

    BTW, had trouble leaving a comment for this post. Had the original title been changed? Does ‘1031’ mean anything to you? Just an FYI.


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