Insulted? Maybe not.
Years ago I went to a party and there was a guy there I had not seen in years.
He was surprised to see me.
Because six months earlier there had been a murder in my town, and the poor young murder victim bore the same last name as mine.
And this distant friend exclaimed, “Oh my God! I was sure that murdered girl was you!”
Sure?
As in, “Although we have seen each other hundreds of times, I had forgotten your first name” sure?
Or as in, “I wasn’t surprised that you would be murdered, since we’ve all wanted to kill you at one time or another” sure?
Either way, I was pretty insulted.
But now, more than 40 years later, I don’t think so.
Not that it has taken me 40 years to get over it… no way…
Just that if that happened today, I would see it in a totally different light.
Because I don’t get insulted much anymore.
Because I am the arbiter of what is insulting.
And hardly anything is.
Like when someone told me they hated a certain movie, but that it was the “kind of thing I would like.” Well, now I just think they must mean sweet, simple and touching. Yes, I am like that.
Like when someone commented that I wore an awful lot of makeup. Well, now I just think, they mean that my makeup looks so perfect I look like I had it done by an expert. Yes, I am that good at it.
Like when someone said my dog runs around like a maniac. Well, now I just think that they think my dog is so energetic and fun-loving. Yes, I have raised a happy dog.
Like when someone told me I needed to work on my management skills. Well, now I just think that it’s not in my nature to criticize another person’s work. Yes, I am kind like that.
Like when someone came to dinner and brought her own food because my cooking is not up to her standards. Well, now I just think how much money I just saved because she was generous enough to bring the main course. Yes, I am grateful like that.
Like when someone said that I had a stupid laugh. Well, now I just think that I laugh like a nut all the time because so much in life is so nutty. Yes, I am happy like that.
Like when someone wrote a review on Amazon and said my first book was predictable, unreadable and a complete waste of time. Well, now I just think…
Um, no.
That hurts.
Yes, because I am sensitive like that.
My books. The core of my vulnerability.
- Posted in: Advice ♦ Humor ♦ Writing
- Tagged: criticism, insults, offensiveness, taking offence
notquiteold 
I’d like to read your books. I hope they are available on Kindle 🙂
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Yes, both are available on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited. Thanks!
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It is a good thing you have such a great attitude because you seem to know some pretty rude people.
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haha! Well, considering how old I am, that’s not really a lot!
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Everyone has a soft spot that gets hurt now and then. There are fabulous reviews so I wouldn’t worry about one. Your dog is awesome and so is your makeup!
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Yes… we all have some vulnerable spots. That’s what makes us human. And my dog is awesome, but not always a good boy.
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I’ve read both of your books, and they are anything BUT predictable. There are so many twists, turns and unexpected surprises, I often have to stop and process what I’ve read before I can go on with the chapter. Unreadable? Not for me! Once I start, I can’t stop until I finish. Then, I’m sorry it’s coming to the end. Waste of time? NOT! I find your story telling engaging, relaxing, and refreshing. I always feel better after I’ve spent time reading your stories. You are a talented and gifted writer, Nancy. I’m looking forward to your next novel. I can’t wait!
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Thanks, Donna. Your kind words keep me going.
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I love your attitude. Sometimes it is so difficult to let an insult go and it just sits there living rent free in our heads. I’ve found (as I get older) that people can be really, really rude and while sometimes it is deliberate, it can also be that the other person simply didn’t think or use a filter.
I’d love to read your books (are they only on Kindle or can I find them in bookshops?)
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Thank you so much! I am exclusive to Amazon (although I do book signings in the Connecticut area). Both books are available through Amazon in both paperback and Kindle versions.
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I loved your first book, and agree that it was definitely not predictable! The ending was quite a surprise. Don’t let ’em get you down.
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Thanks. I won’t let a negative review discourage me, but I have to admit that is my vulnerable spot.
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There are always going to be trolls out there writing negative reviews just because they can (that’s the downside of social media and online commenting/reviewing). Mostly I think they’re people who have nothing positive to say off line either and/or they are simply jealous of those who “can do” things they can’t (or won’t). A friend (who’s a big Marvel movie fan) told me the other day that she’s convinced the ending of the latest movie (where half the universe is apparently wiped out by the “big bad guy”) resulted in the elimination of all the negative, self-centred people in the world (leaving only the positive thinkers and doers). I’m with her!
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Interesting take! I think pessimism and optimism are a continuum that you are always sliding along… but some people have a hard time making it off the bad end.
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Hello! I like to read you sometimes. I like your style. It sounds poetic, wise, funny and true… I am literally passionate with writing but have a low self-confidence in doing this more often because nobody does it. Nobody seems to be just a little bit like me. And when I read people like you, even though I don’t know you (yet), It makes me smile because I have the feeling that I am somehow connected. It’s sad I don’t know you personally. But that’s just to say. Because I speak too much and am too sincere… Yes, because I am authentic like that. 😉 I was wondering: how did you manage to write those books? And does your website goes on well? Do you have any advices for me ? 🙂 Deborah
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Thanks Deborah. My advice is to write, write, write. For my blog, I look at every little thing that happens around me and I think… could I make that into a story? And as for the novels…curiosity is the best place to start. I ask myself, “What would happen if….” And I just keep going. Always keep going. Luckily, I am retired now and have lots of time, but I wrote my first novel and started my blog when I was working full time. I just set aside 90 minutes three times a week. And as I said, I just kept going. I didn’t let anything or anyone stop me. One piece of practical advice – that works for me – when I go to bed I try to think of just two paragraphs for my work in process…just two. And then when I write the next day, I am not staring at a blank page…. I have two paragraphs in my head that get my fingers going!
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ok thank you !:) And how do you discipline yourself? I so need to write and want to write something that I find pleasing and that makes me proud that as soon as I don’t get the inspiration I stop it, so I don’t start to hate myself (
almost!). I have hundreds of unfinished texts because of that! And sometimes I don’t find the courage to go on with all of them. Do you have an idea for still letting go?
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All those amazing talents AND an amazingly kind attitude toward people who don’t deserve it. You are truly a cat’s eye among aggies!
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Oh! Thank you!
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I am going to look for your books on Kindle. I was insulted recently when a 20-something declared that I was “So cute” because of my taste for current pop music. I am 62, working full time as a nurse and I AM NOT CUTE
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Thanks Jean. My first book, JUST WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED, tells the story of a middle-aged woman who wants what younger women have…. a baby. And my second book, LUCINDA’S SOLUTION, is a historical fiction about a young woman who chafes at the limiting role that society has assigned to her. I see that both may be a good fit for you – because you are definitely STRONG… and NOT CUTE!!!
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Honestly, I think that some people write bad reviews just because they can’t think of anything nice to say, or didn’t bother to read the book in the first place. If I were you’d I’d consider the source! I haven’t read your books, but I read your blog regularly and know that you are very good writer!
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Having read both your books I would have to say that reviewer is ridiculous and pretentious. I guess I just reviewed the reviewer. Both your books are very good reads and nothing like each other. The first book was not predictable. It surprised me that things didn’t turn out the way I thought they would.
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You know, I wouldn’t be insulted. I’d be like… “Yup. That’s me. BOO!” See what happens then. But I do understand where you are coming from.
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WOW I loved this. I tend to take a lot of things personally and hold grudges but this is really good advice to look at things in a different light.
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So well said. We can have 20 good experiences but if the 21st one is crappy, we remember the crappy. I do anyways. Love your posts, always~ MJ
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I like your style. Just saying.. Just got my first book on Amazon. It’s very exciting. And started my new blog. I like what you said about thinking about all the things that happen to you and could I write about that? Love it!
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I loaned both of your books to a friend. Since I don’t know if she left a review or not, what follows is her text from my phone.
For JWIAW: “Really really good!”
For Lucinda’s Solution: “Thanks a lot! I’m sitting here crying uncontrollably. Lucinda was amazing. I love people that can think out of the box. Oh, my, she was a problem solver of the first order. So well written.”
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Completely understandable. So much goes into the writing of a book (not that I could write one by any means), but I dabbled a while back and came to the conclusion I just didn’t have the heart for it. A hard lesson because it had been a bit of a dream. However, I am very comfortable for the journey I took and the conclusion I came to. I have to agree with one of your other comments, you do know some straight talkers.
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Love this essay, Nancy, the form and rhythm of the examples you give. Have you ever come across the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It’s a live and let live study in the differences among us. Example, I’m your type when it comes to management–I like to leave people to their direction and not criticize them. That is a type that often become successful writers. BTW, I wrote you a good review today–cuz I loved Lucinda’s solution.
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Thanks! It’s interesting that you bring up Myers-Briggs. We took that index/test in a management retreat years ago, and I was one of the only managers who came out as an introvert. People were shocked and one even said “No wonder you don’t always fit in – good
managers are extroverts!” I don’t believe that’s true. An introvert can be a good manager – as long as you give her some quiet time to reflect and recharge.
And thank you so much, Patricia, for the review! I am delighted you liked the book!
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Its so true that our attitude defines us.😊
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I read and review many books and recently I wrote a review that was less than complementary. I have apologised to the author and regret posting the review.
That said I have just ordered a copy of your first book from the library – I have room for no more books here. I am looking forward to reading it having followed your blog for several years.
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Thanks! I hope you enjoy it.
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This is a good read. I appreciate this after so many years.
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