Tootsie
I don’t as a rule like stories that include dreams.
But I just woke up from the most vivid incredible freaky dream. And I had to write it down so I wouldn’t forget it. And as long as I am writing it down…. well, you know…. I’ve certainly created a blog out of a lot less.
Here’s a disclaimer before I start though. I am one of the luckiest people I know – in that I still have my adorable mother. I love her more than any other person in the world. (Sorry, hubby, but it’s true.) But I am narrating this dream verbatim. I’m not tempting fate or anything – just being a good and trustworthy reporter. IT’S A DREAM.
I am in the Hickory Stick Bookshop in Washington Depot, Connecticut. (which carries my book, by the way.)
Amongst the books, they are selling chaise lounges. (I know, I know… but this was the most believable part of the dream. And when you think about it, why not? Reading and reclining are very nice together.)
So I am trying out a chaise, and I am finding it pretty comfortable. I am thinking about buying one.
And Dustin Hoffman walks by.
I do this kind of double-take, like you do when you’re not quite sure you saw what you saw. I kind of rise up on my elbows and crank my head around.
And Dustin Hoffman turns around and walks back to me.
He says, “I thought I just saw Marilyn Monroe walk by.”
“I thought so too, but it was just Dustin Hoffman,” I answer.
“Disappointing,” he says.
“Sometimes that happens.”
He nods.
“Tell me,” I say. “At home, do you ever dress up like Tootsie, just because you know you look so good that way?”
“Once in a while,” says Dustin.
I think about this a few seconds.
“Will you adopt me?” I ask.
“Adopt? Really?” (You would expect cleverer dialog from Mr. Hoffman, but I guess this part of the conversation took him by surprise.)
“I know I am 65, but you are older than that, so it could still work.”
“Okay, I’ll consider it.”
He starts to walk away. I rise up from the chaise lounge – gracefully, although I can never do that in real life – and follow him to the door.
I say, “Look, my parents are still alive but they are well into their nineties, so I may come up for adoption pretty soon.”
“Are they very sick?” he asks.
“No, they are in very good health. They’re just really old people, and it would suck to be an orphan.”
“That’s true.”
“Do you have a business card?” I ask.
He hands me a business card that looks amazingly like my own. We have the same taste in business cards.
I hold my hand up to my ear with my thumb and pinkie pointed out, the universal symbol for talking on the phone… even though with cell phones, no one really talks on the phone that way anymore. In a few years, I wonder if people will still make that gesture and then stop to wonder what it means.
I silently mouth the words:
“I’ll call you.”
notquiteold 
Hilarious!
LikeLike
I certainly woke up laughing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on ugiridharaprasad.
LikeLike
What did you drink before you went to bed? I want some!
LikeLike
Just water… but perhaps something has gotten into our well?
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s the thing about Connecticut. You never know who will walk by — even if you’re dreaming!
LikeLiked by 1 person
We do have our share of low-key walking-around celebrities.
LikeLiked by 1 person
One of my favourite films. “I was a better man with you as a woman than I ever was with a woman as a man”.
LikeLike
One of my favorites too.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So funny.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Crazy dreams…gotta love ’em!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So, (an amateur analyst might say) you clearly would like to meet Dustin, eh? As Jimminy Cricket often sang, “A dream is a wish your heart makes”. Mr. Hoffman is among the people who I would love to meet, also. Kinda makes one wonder about the dreams we have which we don’t remember.
LikeLike
The dreams we don’t remember are probably the coolest of them all.
LikeLike
Haha, loved this
LikeLiked by 1 person
I met Dustin Hoffman at a brew pub in Santa Monica called Father’s Office….I’m pretty sure it was him, I’d had a few brews by that point. But really, he was a nice guy just waiting patiently for a table like everyone else.
LikeLike
I don’t know what he is like, but to me anyway, he looks very kind. And now that he is considering adopting me, my affection has grown.
LikeLike
I don’t blame you for trying to line up your next set of parents. It does suck to be an orphan. Dustin would be a very good choice. I like your dreams way better than mine.
LikeLike
What a vivid recollection. As I look back through my journals I sometimes wonder which entries are dreams. Nowadays I mark them… I wouldn’t want someone to pick up my journals when I die and think I’m that kinky, weird or wired.
LikeLike
I love dreams. I wish I could remember more of them. But the strangest people always pop up in them,,,Edward Norton, my boss from 30 years ago…and always in the strangest situations. And the chaise lounge? Is no more strange than warehouses and office buildings I’ve never been in. Maybe you and Dustin and Edward and I can hang out some time!
LikeLike
While I was reading this, I was thinking “wasn’t it Robin Williams who played Tootsie?” Then, I realized that was Mrs Doubtfire. Both men were babes. Funny dream – I wish mine were that memorable.
LikeLike
You have far better dreams than I do. Dang, I want dreams like you have.
LikeLike