Edward Scissorfeet
I am re-posting this blog from three years ago.
Because it happened again.
I now have a linen closet with 5 king flat sheets and ZERO king fitted sheets.
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EDWARD SCISSORFEET
I love blogging. It’s therapeutic.There is no better way to complain. Complaints get noticed.
This is the second time in six months that I found this when I went up after breakfast to make the bed:
This is the foot of the bed. On my husband’s side.
Despite the evidence, I am not married to this guy:
This is one of the monsters from “Where The Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak. I love this guy. He has no name in the book. In the children’s opera, Sendak called him Moishe, after a relative. In the movie, I understand they changed his name to Carol. Just goes to show that you don’t have to have a weird name to be scary. (I have proof in the shape of my former boss.)
But my husband is not Moishe/Carol.
Last time I looked he had only slightly abnormal feet.
What does he DO at night that results in shredded sheets?
I am sleeping right beside him. I’m an excellent sleeper. But you’d think I’d wake up when the flamenco music starts.
We have a king size bed. Sheets are expensive.
When I brought my husband up to look at the bed, he said, “Do you think you can fix it?”
I’m not sure…
He may have been thinking:
Duct Tape.
Edward Scissorfeet
- Posted in: Humor
notquiteold 
I quit buying sheets in sets because my fitted sheets get wrecked so easily. Mostly because they’re “over” fitted and end up getting ripped when trying to get them over the mattress. Can’t blame the hubs though. Funny drawing of scissor feet. 🙂
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Every sheet that is ripped is ripped in place on my husband’s side of the bed. He has the sharpest toenails in the world, I guess.
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Bizarre. Maybe bedbugs with fangs??? (No, I don’t really insinuate that you are harboring bedbugs)
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No.. I am just harboring a sharp-toenailed husband.
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Better the sheets than your shins or feet?
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I have had an injury or two (or twelve) over the years.
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He’d be deadly at kick boxing…
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What a great idea! It will really add to our retirement income!
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Keep him fit and lean too! What’s not to like?
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Send hubby for a pedi or make him wear socks. 😀 😀 Too funny, Nancy. I’ve never heard of anything like this. Too bad about the fitted sheets though.
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Luckily, I discovered yesterday that at Target you don’t have to buy the whole set. I bought one fitted sheet… if it holds up to his toenails, I will go back and buy several more.
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Wish you luck. Those huge sheets aren’t cheap. ❤
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Been buying sheets at Target for years after I found out you don’t have to buy the whole set. Even without sharp toenails, the fitted sheets always seem to wear out faster than the flat sheets.
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That’s hilarious !! But expensive as you alluded to. Putting some socks on the boy seems to be a solution but if he’s like us he doesn’t like wearing them to bed.
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How bi-zarr-o is this: I can HEAR my husband scratching his toes across the fitted sheet at night. Not kidding! He now wears socks to bed. Yeah, we’ve been married 14 years, sexy vs frugal, frugality won.
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Hi Nancy,
I’m going off the topic of lethal toenails. I know nothing of torn bedsheets ever since moving out of my mother’s home where her sheets had become as fragile as tissue paper, since she never bought more than one sheet set per mattress and expected them to last forever. Every Monday before school you strip the bed and before bed you re-make the bed with clean sheets- no need to overburden the linen closet. Mind you, that’s not any reason to move out.
I read a comment you posted on Diane Hender’s blog, Probably Inappropriate, which contained a link back to your blog that I found to be very enjoyable. I noticed an ad in the sidebar for your book, “Just what I always Wanted”, and I immediately purchased it on Amazon as an e-book. What a great read! Congratulations on a stellar first offering. I hope there will be more books. I’d like to email you privately if you are interested in knowing the locations of a couple of typos. If it helps, I acted as editor, proofreader, graphic designer, and cover artist for a few very short books my sister self-published and I hate to tell you how many typos or worse we both missed. Diane Henders wants to know, I’d want to know, so perhaps you do too.
LT
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Thanks! Just saw your review – I really appreciate it. You can email me at nancyeroman@yahoo.com
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My husband does the SAME thing. I actually just searched “husband shredding sheets” and came across your blog. He not only shreds the foot area, but the top where he sleeps with his arms under the pillow and now our comforter has a ton of holes/shredding along the top but only on his side. If you married scissor feet then I married scissor body! 😦
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Hello again…just found this and it may be helpful. I think there is something else going on medically and this may be it!
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What Is Periodic Limb Movement Disorder?
If you can barely wake up in the morning and your bed looks like a battle zone, you may want to ask your doctor about periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD).
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My husband also has scissortoes. Getting a Target sheet order ready now 😉
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Thank you so much for blogging about this, Nancy! I needed a good laugh! I am so relieved to know I am not the only one with an Edward Scissorfeet/Scissortoes husband!!! He has ripped through every fitted sheet, even those with the highest thread count. It seems my only option to protect my fitted sheets is to put a small piece of plywood (wrapped in batting with one of my shredded sheets made into a cover) on top of the fitted sheet at the foot of his side of the bed, perhaps with dozens of emery boards super glued to it LOL!
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Just searched “husband shredding sheets with his toenails…” He’s doing it right now! Sometimes my legs are targeted! Next morning, he can’t understand why I sat up all night reading. Thanks for the blog! 🤣
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oh my husband has done this for the first time!!! We are perplexed. He doesn’t move at all at night… just lies on his back — so it can’t be his toes. It has to be the back of his knees??? So strange. It must the pulling/pushing of sheets. He always has to fix it on a daily basis.
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