Eureka, Sort Of
Today I will meander through a couple of little stories, but eventually I will stroll on over to the point.
When I was young I had a secret ambition (which I still have but I’m not young and it’s not a secret) to solve some great mystery. This desire started of course with Nancy Drew books. My name was Nancy. I could eventually drive a roadster. I could solve crime.
But then it got much more serious. Dianna (over at These Days of Mine) reminded me this week. I was twelve when President Kennedy was assassinated. Twelve is the age when your critical hormone develops. I don’t mean ‘critical’ like ‘vital.’ I mean ‘critical’ like ‘criticism.’ Like Cynicism.
And although I may have been a pre-teen who still played with dolls, I also knew that something was very stinky in Dallas.
And I read and read. Over the years, I read every assassination book I could get my hands on. I was determined to solve this thing.
I read conspiracy theories until I dreamt that Lee Harvey Oswald was standing at the foot of my bed. Then I gave it a rest. I switched over to Lizzie Borden. And Sam Sheppard. And then I moved over to Jack The Ripper. Surprisingly, Jack was less nightmare-inducing than Oswald.
Since I got nowhere on any of these unsolved mysteries, I decided to try my hand at some lesser-known cases. When I first got married, my husband told me about his father’s cousin once removed who disappeared. I gave that a few weeks, but there was every indication that the incident was mob-connected, and I figured that I would be better off laying low.
And then I heard about an old prostitute who had been murdered in Connecticut in the 60’s. Her ‘professional’ name was Princess Sahara or Zahara and she was a friend (of sorts) of my husband’s uncle (different from the missing cousin). From what I understand, her murder was never solved, and nobody much even tried to solve it. But since that was about 50 years ago, and I don’t even know what her real name was, I think that particular mystery will have to wait until I retire. It will be an interesting hobby.
Meandering twenty-five years in both directions – 25 years after Kennedy died and 25 years before my present day minor interest in Princess S(Z)ahara – I had accepted a job promotion that I did not particularly want. But hey, you’re supposed to want a promotion, right?
I became the general manager of a small cable TV system. My predecessor, who as far as I know disappeared with my husband’s father’s cousin, had won a corporate contest just before he vanished. He recorded the highest 3-month subscriber gain in his region. and he had won a four-day all-expense paid trip to Bermuda. Only he was no longer the GM. I was. And they gave me his prize. Bermuda in May – for free. I felt guilty as hell – but then again, I had a wonderful time.
And when I got back to Connecticut, I found out that my predecessor had won this prize the old-fashioned way: He cheated.
He had lots and lots of cable subscribers because he hadn’t disconnected anyone. I was stuck with a gazillion backed-up delinquent accounts. Which should have made me feel even guiltier, but it actually alleviated my guilt. Since I paid after all.
Now back to the present.
As an accountant, I should feel that numbers are pure. But given my experience of 25 years ago, I know that numbers can be downright depraved.
As Mark Twain said (or perhaps stole): “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.”
And with the help of my cable TV experience, I got my childhood wish.
I have solved a mystery.
In the last two months, I have seen a 50% increase in subscribers to my blog.
Wow, I’m popular.
But as I mentioned last week, many of these subscribers do not seem to understand English. Even more curious, they don’t even seem to exist.
And BINGO! I’m back at my my unwanted promotion and undeserved vacation.
Because I have also recently discovered that there are now ADVERTISEMENTS on my blog.
No advertiser pays for an ad that no one sees.
Ads need viewers.
And now I have viewers.
Like fftqizb123 – who just subscribed!
AHA!
- Posted in: Aging ♦ Humor ♦ Memories ♦ Work ♦ Writing
- Tagged: Advertising, Blogging, humor aging, Kennedy assassination, Lee Harvey Oswald, Lizzie Borden, Mark Twain, middle-aged, Nancy Drew, Sam Sheppard, unsolved mysteries
notquiteold 
Is that the secret?!!!! Wow, I should pay you or something for solving that mystery! It’s been driving me crazy, too!
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It makes sense in a perverted way: WordPress gives you subscribers; subscribers get them ads.
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Yeah, I’ve been noticing that too. Sad, but true.
But on a brighter note, thanks for the mention!
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I’ve never quite gotten over the shock and loss of the death of the President – and the anger of feeling deprived of the truth. I’ve recently started reading assassination books again – and the 50th anniversary is coming up. Fifty years – imagine that!
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When I clicked from your email onto your blog, I got a message from my antivirus program saying “a risky connection has been blocked.” That must have been the advertisement, because I see none.
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How weird. I also think it is completely unfair that WordPress doesn’t let you see the ads on your own blog. Why should they have to hide that from you?
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Oh great solver of mysteries, maybe I should revert to a private blog? And here I was trying to get new followers. 🙂
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I’ve got TONS of new followers, but the same number of views. Curious, huh?
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I’m reading [and enjoying] your blog and see no ads – the mystery deepens!
If you have too many readers I’d like to have some please 🙂 ………..
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I’m glad you enjoy my blog. You seem like a real person too – and that makes me happy. I am worried about having too many imaginary friends.
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I see no ads – perhaps another mystery to solve.
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Someone told me just last week that they saw ads on my blog. Curiouser and curiouser.
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You deserve to be popular 🙂
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Thanks. There’s nothing I like better than to make someone laugh.
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This is happening to me too (minus the ads on the bottom of the blog).
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Have you ever seen ads on my blog? I’m told they are there. I would like to see them. I’m thinking they are probably ads for makeup and Depends.
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I’ve never seen ads on your blog – and don’t have them on mine either..
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Some mystries are meant to be solved, others well not so much. The mystry of our weird subscribers, I am not going to go there. But then you have us your loving and true followers, who will avidly follow and read you anywhere.
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As long as you don’t mind that I am more of a meanderer than a leader.
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Not all, I will simply meander behind and see what happens.
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I always liked Nancy Drew and reading about her advenures . You might say I also wanted to be her, but I don’t remember her driving. I knew her BEFORE she drove? Enough said…
I’ve crossed paths with said subscribers too. What do they REALLY want?
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Nancy Drew had a little blue roadster. Now I have one!
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I’m not seeing any ads either. It seems that they skipped over me for bumping up the numbers as well. You have really got me intrigued with the “critical hormone” appearing when we are 12. Is that a real thing?
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At twelve I suddenly discovered an endless supply of skepticism. Think about it – that’s when the eye-rolling usually starts.
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I haven’t seen ads on your blog but I have seen outrageous ads (like freaking blinking banners at the top) on other bloggers I follow. I thought you paid the extortion fee for ad-less. I don’t get as many non-existent followers as you do but I get a few. I get business followers though (they do have a real website). My favorite title is Not your Normal Pest Control Blog. Really?
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I’ve got ibshealthblog.com. Must be they liked my colonoscopy post.
https://notquiteold.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/how-to-kick-start-your-diet/
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Hi Nancy, Don’t wrack your brain you don’t know me; but you asked a question and I felt compelled to chime-in.
When I first started reading (you were still “Freshly Pressed”; well, you probably still are but WP doesn’t have that program anymore) there was a video at the bottom but it didn’t look or feel like an ad; really it looked like you had posted it as an illustration of your point. A few days later I checked back and again there was a video at the bottom but this one didn’t make any sense or seem relevant to your new post. Of course in researching WP.com as a possible blog host I noticed under the “terms” that bloggers can’t imbed video content…hmm. So the next time back I looked closely and below the video in microscopic type was the word “ad”.
The funny thing is I’ve never seen another ad or video on your blog since. Can’t explain that part unless they eventually stop nagging unclicking semi-regulars. But posting the results of your research has served to push WP down the list of qualifying hosts for the moment.
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I hate to complain about WordPress too much. It’s pretty simple to use and I haven’t spent one cent.
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That’s the thing, I’d prefer to be the customer. I had a little practice blog years ago (another host) and a simmering point of friction was the mentality that I was writing for the host and it could do what it wanted with my content and my readers. Thanks for replying.
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I’m reading Killing Kennedy by Bill O’Reilly (who also wrote Killing Lincoln). So far very good, and promises to give information never before revealed…we’ll see.
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I have heard that O’Reilly leaves out most of the evidence that was uncovered after the Warren Commission. That’s quite a gap. But let me know. If you don’t mind plowing through wonky detail, you could try “The Last Investigation’ by Gaeton Fonzi. He was an investigator for the House Committee on Assassinations in the late 70s.
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i too loved nancy drew and dreamed that one day i would solve a mystery. at first it was kind of romantic the way nancy did it, then i started reading true life crime and it was more work and sometimes nasty work. so, then i decided maybe a life of solving crime was not for me. and, also i see no ads on your blog. so, maybe the ads are just for the imaginary friends?
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Wait a sec…are you telling me my newest subscriber? The one with absolutely no name and profile? Is not real?!? Seriously, this whole thing has stopped my obsession of looking at my stats since they are rendered meaningless so I guess that is kind of a good thing in a way.
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Having giggled my way through the replies, if people have something like AdBlocker plus on their comps (all of mine have this which occasionally interferes with watching content I actually want to see … ) then they won’t see those pesky ads, even if they wanted to do so to support your site or WordPress in general. I love reading the detective things, but I never wanted to be one (OK, does wanting to be an archaeologist count? And solving the mysteries of who did in who to become pharoh?) I more wanted to write things like that, only I suck at keeping the mystery to the end of the story, the characters keep solving them by the middle which leaves a lot of book to fill up with other stuff. I really enjoy your blog and yes, last time I looked, i was a real person … which probably explains why i can’t spell pharoh to suit the spell checker …. LOL
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Yeah, I discovered ads on my blog a couple of weeks ago, too, much to my chagrin. I hadn’t realized they were there, and most of my blogging buddies hadn’t seen them, either, because WordPress only shows them to visitors who aren’t logged into WordPress. But since my blog doubles as my author webpage, I was NOT IMPRESSED. WordPress wins again – I paid them their $30 to suppress the ads. Grrr.
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I don’t see any ads, either, but as Diane said above, I think they just appear to non-WordPRess people.
I used to love Nancy Drew and wanted to be just like her. Sounds like you’re halfway there!
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I’ve seen video ads on your blog, and on mine, as well. But you, the blogger, can’t see the ads on your posts if you’re logged in. You have to visit your blog as someone else. It’s in the terms and conditions that you can’t see your ads if you’re logged in.
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I’ve just confirmed that there are ads on my blog, too. I had no idea – I had to use a different browser to find out. When I’m logged in on WordPress I can’t see them, and since I normally use Firefox with Adblock Plus, I can’t see them even when I’m not logged in. I almost wish I’d continued in my state of ignorant bliss. Now I have to decide if I want to pay them $30 a year to suppress the ads, or accept that they are going to be placing ads on my blog that might be in conflict with my personal values. As most ads are, frankly. I know there are ads everywhere and it’s no big deal, but that’s exactly what bothers me. There are ads EVERYWHERE and to me it IS a big deal.
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this was very funny! i am one of those people who follow a bunch of people in hopes they will go to my site, ; 0 I only have a few followers. ( http://www.nounnecesarynoises.com), but yours, i actually read a few pieces. This one was excellent. Also read your one on “People’s Bank.” Nice writing. Im also writing about my childhood… but Im a child of the 70s. : ) take care! ~ sherri
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Sherri – Glad that you enjoyed my posts. I don’t mind at all if you post a link, but the link you have above doesn’t lead anywhere. Post your link again, if you’d like.
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oops! it’s cuz i can’t spell my own blog name right! I wish i would have named it something easier. thank you for letting me know. ~sherri
http://www.unnecessarynoises.com
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