My Day Off
You know what’s almost as much fun as doing what you love to do?
Doing what your spouse loves to do.
Just kidding.
Doing what my husband likes to do is usually awful.
But once in a while I feel like I should.
It’s not like it was part of my marriage vows or anything. I didn’t stand at the altar and promise to crawl through used-car lots just ‘to see’, or spend five hours in Cabela’s, or watch ice trucking shows.
But on the other hand, there was a vow that someone snuck in there that said ‘For Better or Worse.’
My husband’s idea of fun things to do is definitely part of ‘Worse.’
A few weeks ago we made our annual pilgrimage to the New York International Auto Show.
The Javitz Center has 675,000 square feet. That’s a shitload of cars.
Some are concept cars; some are vintage. There are rare cars. There are minivans. There are gull wings and limos and pickup trucks. Every single one is unique to my husband. every single one is identical to me.
Of course there are some fascinating things to do.
Like sit in one.
People wait in line to sit in a car. My husband is one. And he encourages me to do so.
“Try it,” he says after he gets out of an SUV that looks exactly like ours (and like every other SUV I have ever seen).
So I get in.
And guess what?
It feels …
…exactly…
like I am sitting in A CAR!
One of the best parts of the NY Car show is the food!
Just kidding.
Once you enter the show, there is Absolutely No Re-entry. (That’s in BIG LETTERS at every door, and they have about 25,000 doors.)
So you eat in the Food Court. The Food Court is not a court with a judge and jury, but it does have criminals. Like the people who write the signs that say “Fresh” and “Tasty” – or the people who price the water at $4.00.
But I find ways to amuse myself.
Mostly by listening (okay, half-listening) to my husband amuse himself.
Because what he likes best at the car shows is the opportunity to torment the sales reps.
(If I insult your favorite car here, please forgive me. I am just the (food) court reporter.)
To the Lincoln rep he said: “Over the last ten years you guys have eliminated every distinctive feature. Now it looks mostly like a Mopar shitbox.”
To the Toyota rep: “How are you doing with all those lawsuits?”
To the Ford truck rep, whose ‘concept’ truck has a ladder rack that pops up from the tailgate: “This was obviously designed by an idiot who never used a truck, since you can’t get anything out of the bed without taking the ladder off.” (He had a point on this one.)
To the Chevy rep (who was pretty): “You seem to know a little more about this vehicle than most of the morons who work for Chevy.”
To the Jeep rep, who offered my husband a chance to win $45,000 towards the purchase of a Jeep: “”Hmmm, $45,000 isn’t quite enough to make me want to drive a Jeep.”
Hubby was nice to the BMW guy. (Hubby loves Beemers.) They had a nice long conversation about the wonder of the Beemers, and I didn’t mind because Beemer-guy was very very extra cute.
But the best thing about the New York International Auto Show:
The MPG.
Oh yeah, I get MILEAGE!
He will owe me for MONTHS.
At the Car Show. Thank heaven for iphones.
- Posted in: Humor ♦ Marriage
- Tagged: Aging, Beemer, Cabela, Car shows, Humor, Javitz Center, Jeep, Marriage, middle-aged, New York International Auto Show, Sport utility vehicle
notquiteold 
Hilarious! I think my husband could sympathize with you. I’ve dragged him to more farmer’s markets and museums than I can count. Once we even went antiquing, only to discover after about two hours that neither one of us actually wanted to be there.
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i take my husband to the museum once in a while. That’s when I end up owing him. But the last time we went, he liked it. He was very interested in the security system.
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Again I love your writing. Love the drawing. Love the description of the auto show and the food court. I love vintage car shows but not other types. So he torments the reps. What is it about guys? I have a couple friend set and we go every year to the bourbon fest. The guy of the couple loves to torment the bourbon reps.
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There is something in the testosterone.that makes tormenting a sporting event.
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Did they sell alcohol at the food court? I was talked in to attending a boat/RV show several weeks ago, and the only way I got through the ordeal was by sipping on Jack and Cokes.
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Oh, I feel for you. An RV show is way worse than an auto show.
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Hey – I’ve BEEN to an RV show. Thought I would upgrade our camping experience.
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You are such a good wife …
We’re going to be looking for a new car in the near future and when the car show was in town I considered suggesting that we go to be able to see all the new cars at once. And then I came to my senses.
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Oh, that’s a very good way to do it if you are shopping. It is a very boring way to do it if you are looking.
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as long as i have a net or notebook computer, i’m not sure i care where i am .. altho’ someplace with an internet connection is always nice. LOL
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Thank god for internet connections.
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Maybe I could just put my husband on a plane next year and he could go to the car show….he loves car shows! I don’t!
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Maybe your husband could go with my husband and we could go shopping.
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Thankfully Hubbs is not a car or hunting guy but he is a golf guy. He can go on and on about golf, golf clubs, courses, strategies, players, etc. I listen and mentally re-arrange my sock drawer. ~sigh!
On the flip side, he endures my passion for black-leather-Elvis.
I guess it’s a fair trade off, yes?
MJ
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I write my blog in my head while he talks about cars… He doesn’t even pretend when I talk about fashion. He just falls asleep.
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ha ha ha!
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I think you’ve earned sainthood.
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That’s what I tell him. (If I tell him that constantly, does it disqualify me?)
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You are a good wife. (I drive a Jeep and no one paid me to, sad, isn’t it?)
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I don’t know what he has against Jeeps. But it seems to go back a long way. A jeep must have hurt his feelings when he was in grade school.
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it sounds like pure torture. at least you wore your skinny jeans?
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I did! I looked extremely stylish.
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YES! Mileage. Use it wisely.
When we look at a car, my husband sees “350 horsepower, spoiler, $45,000.” I see – car.
When we look at a dog, I see “Rottweiler, iffy head, stunning rear movement, nice shoulder lay-back.” He sees – dog.
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Ha! Same here (except with cars vs clothes – we both just see ‘dog’.
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Mileage is the best and most stable currency out there. Good for you.
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I’m thinking about new earrings. Topaz.
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Ohhhhhhhhhh, I like topaz.
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Something nice should be coming your way. In our house it’s guitar shows. After a particularly boring guitar show I took my husband to a cat show. Enough said.
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I once took my husband to the OPERA!
Ha ha on him!
(of couse, then I owed him for a REALLY long time.)
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My husband loves opera far more than I do! I love to go right before I want a big project done.
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In the movie “The Goodbye Girl” they had pretty girls at the car show.
Did they have pretty girls? What did they wear? That could be very interesting to an observant person like you.
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They had pretty girls. They wore extremely tight clothes. Those seams were a-burstin’.
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You ARE a saint, Nancy. You deserve the MPG. You look fantastic in your skinny jeans. Never a boring moment when you’re around. That’s probably why hubby loves to take you to places he likes.
Keep smiling.
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Ever notice how I always look fantastic in my drawings? SO MUCH BETTER than photography!
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Mileage, lots of it. I carry books everywhere I go with my husband in case he wants to stop somewhere obnoxious, like a music store to look at drums sets. He already has one of these so why does he want to look at more? Or a golf shop, he already has three sets of golf clubs, does he need more?
Car shows, sainthood.
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Oh, you have another winner here! 🙂 LOL! You husband sounds like a hoot too. I love all his disparaging comments to the car sales people. If I want Mileage, all I have to do is get in the car and drive anywhere with Bill, who is always lost even with a GPS. He knows that driving with him is a huge sacrifice.
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You have my sympathy there, My compromise is Best Buy or listening to hubby talk “code”. I just want to know if i push this button will it do that….the trade off? he’s stopped accompanying me to Bead shows..:)
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